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Thursday, April 29, 2010

Stage 5 Grenades

How bout the story of my life!
Sometimes I forget that I've been reading Cosmo since I was 12 an that I've picked up a few tricks along the way.
I keep forgetting not to unleash this beast upon unsuspecting men.
Sometimes my prowess of lust is too much for them to handle and they lose their minds, thus throwing them in the STAGE 5 GRENADE category.

Things that will get you put in a STAGE 5 GRENADE box:
*Blowing up my phone
*Initiating a booty call an when I get there you don't have anywhere for us to go, in hopes we can do it in MY backseat. Not gon' happen.
*Bad sex
*Sometimes you can just be fizzled out, aka YOU'RE BORING ME.

Things a STAGE 5 GRENADE would do is:
*Blow up your phone, usually 4 or 5 times in a night if you don't respond to their texts or answer their calls.
*Beg to come to you, so you don't have to "waste your gas"
*Or they will promise you gas money (which i feel is a form of prostitution)
*If you give 'em the old "I'm not feeling very good" then they will offer to give you oral sex. I told a grenade i was sick and he said "Well I'll just eat you out if you want?"
uuh, thanks, but I'll pass...

Basically they just can't take NO for an answer. I know if I wanna fuck someone but they're ignoring me, I'm not gonna continue to pursue it!
They have 3 times to ignore me before i consider them a lost cause and leave 'em alone.
I'll text one day, and if no response I'll text a few days later. Still no response?
I may try one more time then after that you get the heave-ho.
Perfect example of a STAGE 5 GRENADE: I decided to give this guy a second chance with me, because he said we should start TALKING talking, and after a year he had worn me down.
AT first things were fine, but then they started going downhill.
The sex was bad and he was an asshole.
Things came to a head when he decided to kick me out because i wouldn't give him head one night.
If his old impatient ass had waited, he would have discovered that I had gotten my tongue pierced and I was waiting for him to get some fucking act right!
Anyways I kindly let him know that would be the last time he ever saw me, and I guess he didn't take me serious because that happened in December.
It is not April.
This is the kind of bullshit I go through every few weeks w/ him and other grenades.

Jose: what's good
Me: Can I help you?
J: You definitely can!
M: I don't think I want to.
J: Still mad at me love?
M: I'm not mad.
J: So we're cool?
M: I honestly don't care
J: That's good. What are you getting into tonight?
M: Not you.
J: I wouldn't want you to. But are you gonna let me get into you?
M: Hell no.
J: Never again?
M: Never.
J: I'm kinda depressed know.
M: Okaaaaaaaaay
J: So can you help me out?
M: Absolutely not.
J: Man. I thought after everything we had together you would be here for me whenever I needed you!
M: We didn't have shit but sex every now an then.
J: Wow
M: Don't act surprised.
J: I am, very!!!
M: Hahaha idk why
J: Cause I thought we had something
M: Oh give me a break you act like we were together.
J: I feel we were
M: If that was the case you were the world's suckiest boyfriend.
J: Lol really!
M: Seriously. We were not together.
J: We should start hanging out again.
M: NO!!!
J: Ohhh you never gave me that surprise
M: Do you know what NEVER means?!
J: Yeah but I don't want it to be like that
M: Too fuckin bad
J: Man!

Now see, desperation will get you NOWHERE.
I'm tryin to figure out why he's being so clingy!!!
There's waaaaay too many girls in the world for him to be trippin THIS hard.
I can be a complete bitch (which you just witnesses) yet his dumb as will keep coming back for seconds!
When I put you in the STAGE 5 GRENADE box, there is a slim to none chance of getting out.
I will admit my sexual prowess is a gift, but it is also a curse.
Ever had a STAGE 5 GRENADE? I wanna hear about it!
you can always email your questions/comments/stories to MOI at

Your homework for the evening is perfect for STAGE 5 GRENADES, should you continue to have sex with them.

Courtesy of
The less eye contact, the better...
Besitos for the babes an gents who've been reading, keep it up:)
Miss Sixxxty, Your very own freak of the industryy

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