Babes an gents, why I feel the need to write this blog, I have no clue. But I'm bored and sexually frustrated and have nothing better to do with my life at this moment.
My life, it consists of booty calls an random hookups, and I have no problems with it. The problem I have is when people start fucking up the game. There are certain rules both parties need to abide by, and when someone breaks a rule, they take the fun outta the whole booty call:(
So I've decided to share my knowledge, wisdom, an experience with you guys to make sure your hump days are going according to plan:)
I don't really have an order I wanna go in, so I'll just go off the top of my head.
FWB
They can be beneficial if done right. They also make the best booty calls for those who don't like the whole "stranger" thing. BUT one thing you have to remember; a close friendship is basically a relationship without the sex. So if all of a sudden your best guy bff starts looking all kinds of delicious, unless you guys get into an official relationship, proceed with caution. The feelings are already there it won't take long for someone to get attached or someone to feel screwed over. Me personally I try to stay away from close friends. In my mind the less I know about you generally tends to be better. But hey, that's just me.
FREQUENCY
People have different sex drives. It's a fact of life. And it sucks. I always seem to wind up with people who suck at sex but have a high sex drive or people who are really good at it, but they never seem to want sex as much as I do. So I come off looking like the crazed sex starved nympho. In my head i think at least twice a week is a good amount, I understand that people have lives. But sheesh! I shouldn't always be the one initiating it either. I know you get horny too so you might as well just hit me up. Cause 10 times outta 10 if you hit me up I probably want it. I feel low key like a pest when I ask for it (and I only rarely ask for it) so I tend to wait for you to hit me up. But at the same time closed mouths don't get fed, so it's like what is a girl to do in a situation like that? How do you tell someone all you wanna do is borrow their penis to suit your pleasure from time to time? I'm not tryna be clingy, I've already established you don't gotta take me to dinner, you don't gotta take me to meet your mom, none of that. Just please me and I'm a happy camper! I'll wait...
LOCATION, LOCATION, LOCATION!!!
Then you gotta establish where all the fun is gonna go down. My place or yours? Outdoors? Indoors? There was this one guy who really wanted to sleep w/ me in his little sister's room. I really looked at him like he was crazy. That little girl did nothing to me! I wouldn't feel right doing that to her. Or with her life-size photo of Chris Brown staring at me. So we ended up going to the sex toy shop. And of course we got caught. That was the most embarrassing walk of shame T ever had to do. Would I do it again? Probably not. Also you guys know a pet peeve of mine is when dudes call me up, we make the proper arrangements, but then when I pick them up, they expect to do it in my car. There is only one boy I make an exception to that rule for. The rest of you fuckers are shit outta luck. I've probably had more outdoor sex than indoor sex, so I'm not opposed to it. I always feel a little weird when dudes have to sneak me in. Cause then I gotta be quiet an worry about if their parents are gonna wake up. I'd much rather prefer if no one was home. I've had sex in some crazy places, so make a suggestion, I may be open to it.
During the actual sex, I find the less eye contact the better. I know a lot of dudes find it hot when you look at them while you're giving them head. I have no problem with that. But when we kiss don't stare at me!! Same for missionary. If I feel like you're looking at me too much I will look away, close my eyes, stare at the ceiling, check the time, whatever I can to make it less awkward.
I think my best partners have been strangers, or people I don't know very well. The less I know about you, the better. Cause if it's sex first, then I know whenever I see you it's strictly business, unless you throw a monkey wrench in the plan an try to take it further.
But that never happens so no worries:)
Of course I'm not gonna just sleep with someone if I think they have potential, I'm not THAT stupid.
If my friend becomes a fwb, I tend to get annoyed quicker. Mainly because they start getting all clingy. And it's the ones who aren't even that good! If the sex is good I'm gonna take you p on every offer. If it's just ehh then I'll be passing.
Then you gotta figure out what happens next. Am I staying the night? Am I leaving? Do I wanna be there when you wake up or do I wanna take off before you wake up? These are all questions you should answer ahead of time. Certain people I'd rather not wake up to, so once they fall asleep I dip. One time I tried to sneak out and the bastard threw his arm across me so I was trapped! I moved like 1cm a minute trying to slooooooooooooooowly move his arm. Then I took off. After about half an hour later I get "So you're just gonna leave and not say bye?? that's fucked up" my response to that was "Oops." like I really gave a shit. Then there are the ones that I at least wanna wake up before I leave, generally because there's people there and I need him to make sure the coast is clear and so he can show me out lol. I just hate dealing with heavy sleepers. I gotta shake em hella hard just to get em to crack an eye open, an I know when people wake me up I'm one grouchy ass itch, and I don't know what he's like when he wakes up, so you always gotta proceed with caution.
That's another thing; when it's strictly business, please use my telephone line for business ONLY. Don't get me all excited just to say "just wanted to see how your day was going." Nice gesture, yes, but c'mon son, it's not that kinda party and you know it. Its like 911: use it when you need me, and if it's not an emergency call your local police department.
When we're texting ahead of time, please don't ask me "Do u suck dick?". Because you are hella fucking lame for that and you've just turned me off. Wait an see.
If you finish waaaaaaay ahead of schedule, don't tell me "Oh, it's been a while since I last had sex." Unless you're gonna make it up to me during round two you owe me no explanation. No sense in making things even more awkward than they already are.
Please please please, if you lose your boner, let me help you get it back. Don't go mashing your balls in my ass. That shit feels hella gross.
If you do a body shot, please be kind enough to clean up after yourself:)
STOP MASHING ON MY CLIT! IT IS NOT A DAMN JOYSTICK!!!
Wet your finger an be gentle damnit! The male equivalent to mashing my clit down is like me scraping mt teeth on your peen when I'm giving you head. If you're touching it and I grab your hands and move them, you're mashing and you need to stop.
Me personally, I don't like being fingered when I'm giving head, so unless you're smacking my ass hands to yourself and enjoy it.
I'm spent for the evening.
TURTLE
Courtesy of SexInfo101.com.
It's been a week exactly. I want my issue:(
Miss Sixxxty, Your very own freak of the industryyy
Saturday, October 16, 2010
Sunday, October 10, 2010
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