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Saturday, October 16, 2010

Booty Call Etiquette

Babes an gents, why I feel the need to write this blog, I have no clue. But I'm bored and sexually frustrated and have nothing better to do with my life at this moment.
My life, it consists of booty calls an random hookups, and I have no problems with it. The problem I have is when people start fucking up the game. There are certain rules both parties need to abide by, and when someone breaks a rule, they take the fun outta the whole booty call:(
So I've decided to share my knowledge, wisdom, an experience with you guys to make sure your hump days are going according to plan:)

I don't really have an order I wanna go in, so I'll just go off the top of my head.

FWB
They can be beneficial if done right. They also make the best booty calls for those who don't like the whole "stranger" thing. BUT one thing you have to remember; a close friendship is basically a relationship without the sex. So if all of a sudden your best guy bff starts looking all kinds of delicious, unless you guys get into an official relationship, proceed with caution. The feelings are already there it won't take long for someone to get attached or someone to feel screwed over. Me personally I try to stay away from close friends. In my mind the less I know about you generally tends to be better. But hey, that's just me.

FREQUENCY
People have different sex drives. It's a fact of life. And it sucks. I always seem to wind up with people who suck at sex but have a high sex drive or people who are really good at it, but they never seem to want sex as much as I do. So I come off looking like the crazed sex starved nympho. In my head i think at least twice a week is a good amount, I understand that people have lives. But sheesh! I shouldn't always be the one initiating it either. I know you get horny too so you might as well just hit me up. Cause 10 times outta 10 if you hit me up I probably want it. I feel low key like a pest when I ask for it (and I only rarely ask for it) so I tend to wait for you to hit me up. But at the same time closed mouths don't get fed, so it's like what is a girl to do in a situation like that? How do you tell someone all you wanna do is borrow their penis to suit your pleasure from time to time? I'm not tryna be clingy, I've already established you don't gotta take me to dinner, you don't gotta take me to meet your mom, none of that. Just please me and I'm a happy camper! I'll wait...

LOCATION, LOCATION, LOCATION!!!
Then you gotta establish where all the fun is gonna go down. My place or yours? Outdoors? Indoors? There was this one guy who really wanted to sleep w/ me in his little sister's room. I really looked at him like he was crazy. That little girl did nothing to me! I wouldn't feel right doing that to her. Or with her life-size photo of Chris Brown staring at me. So we ended up going to the sex toy shop. And of course we got caught. That was the most embarrassing walk of shame T ever had to do. Would I do it again? Probably not. Also you guys know a pet peeve of mine is when dudes call me up, we make the proper arrangements, but then when I pick them up, they expect to do it in my car. There is only one boy I make an exception to that rule for. The rest of you fuckers are shit outta luck. I've probably had more outdoor sex than indoor sex, so I'm not opposed to it. I always feel a little weird when dudes have to sneak me in. Cause then I gotta be quiet an worry about if their parents are gonna wake up. I'd much rather prefer if no one was home. I've had sex in some crazy places, so make a suggestion, I may be open to it.

During the actual sex, I find the less eye contact the better. I know a lot of dudes find it hot when you look at them while you're giving them head. I have no problem with that. But when we kiss don't stare at me!! Same for missionary. If I feel like you're looking at me too much I will look away, close my eyes, stare at the ceiling, check the time, whatever I can to make it less awkward.

I think my best partners have been strangers, or people I don't know very well. The less I know about you, the better. Cause if it's sex first, then I know whenever I see you it's strictly business, unless you throw a monkey wrench in the plan an try to take it further.
But that never happens so no worries:)
Of course I'm not gonna just sleep with someone if I think they have potential, I'm not THAT stupid.
If my friend becomes a fwb, I tend to get annoyed quicker. Mainly because they start getting all clingy. And it's the ones who aren't even that good! If the sex is good I'm gonna take you p on every offer. If it's just ehh then I'll be passing.

Then you gotta figure out what happens next. Am I staying the night? Am I leaving? Do I wanna be there when you wake up or do I wanna take off before you wake up? These are all questions you should answer ahead of time. Certain people I'd rather not wake up to, so once they fall asleep I dip. One time I tried to sneak out and the bastard threw his arm across me so I was trapped! I moved like 1cm a minute trying to slooooooooooooooowly move his arm. Then I took off. After about half an hour later I get "So you're just gonna leave and not say bye?? that's fucked up" my response to that was "Oops." like I really gave a shit. Then there are the ones that I at least wanna wake up before I leave, generally because there's people there and I need him to make sure the coast is clear and so he can show me out lol. I just hate dealing with heavy sleepers. I gotta shake em hella hard just to get em to crack an eye open, an I know when people wake me up I'm one grouchy ass itch, and I don't know what he's like when he wakes up, so you always gotta proceed with caution.

That's another thing; when it's strictly business, please use my telephone line for business ONLY. Don't get me all excited just to say "just wanted to see how your day was going." Nice gesture, yes, but c'mon son, it's not that kinda party and you know it. Its like 911: use it when you need me, and if it's not an emergency call your local police department.

When we're texting ahead of time, please don't ask me "Do u suck dick?". Because you are hella fucking lame for that and you've just turned me off. Wait an see.

If you finish waaaaaaay ahead of schedule, don't tell me "Oh, it's been a while since I last had sex." Unless you're gonna make it up to me during round two you owe me no explanation. No sense in making things even more awkward than they already are.

Please please please, if you lose your boner, let me help you get it back. Don't go mashing your balls in my ass. That shit feels hella gross.

If you do a body shot, please be kind enough to clean up after yourself:)

STOP MASHING ON MY CLIT! IT IS NOT A DAMN JOYSTICK!!!
Wet your finger an be gentle damnit! The male equivalent to mashing my clit down is like me scraping mt teeth on your peen when I'm giving you head. If you're touching it and I grab your hands and move them, you're mashing and you need to stop.

Me personally, I don't like being fingered when I'm giving head, so unless you're smacking my ass hands to yourself and enjoy it.

I'm spent for the evening.

TURTLE

Courtesy of SexInfo101.com.
It's been a week exactly. I want my issue:(

Miss Sixxxty, Your very own freak of the industryyy

Sunday, October 10, 2010

Back Seat Action Pt. II :)

I've been gone for a while babes an gents, I know, but I'm back with more goodies:)
We're just gonna pretend that the little snafu that is known as my birthday didn't happen...
It had been about two wees since i got a really good issue, who knew back seat action could feel soooooo good.
I was starting to get panicky, wondering why two weeks had passed and I STILL hadn't gotten a "wanna kick it" text from him. I have a tendency to jump to conclusions so I had been a raging bitch for the past few days, I really needed to relieve some tension.
Friday night I went out with the girls, took a few shots, and decided what the hell, I want some penis and closed mouths don't get fed. I sent a simple "u busy?" text and immediately got the response I was looking for:

"trying to get your fix?"

Why yes, yes I am.

So I drove to go meet up with him, and when I pull up to the house he hops in the car and tells me to turn everything off. I was confused until I saw him hop in the backseat. Then I understood. We were gonna do this on a main street. Whatever I'm still buzzed I didn't care at this point. I hop in the back, we strip from the waist down and I hop on top and go to work.
More like he goes to work. And man does he WERK.
Even though I have the sunroof open, the windows still get foggy. People aren't stupid, I know they knew what was going on. I wasn't too much worried until I saw people walking out the house that I stopped riding and was like "hey there's people coming" he just grabbed my hips and told me not to worry and he took over.
This man...is just too damn good for his own good. It scares me. The Big Bang has nothing on him. Like you know how Yvette can talk all the shit she wants to and about Jody?

"I HATECHU JODY! I HATECHU!!!"

Let him put that dope dick on her one time and he got her sayin "I LOVE YOU JODYYY. I'll cook, I'll clean, I'll make you tacos."
I may complain that I don't get sex as often as I want but when he puts it on me I shut up and the wait is well worth it.
Like I said before he likes to do some acrobatic monkey shit in the backseat. I've ad sex in cars plenty of times and I've never had someone prop themselves up an thrust the way he does. It's amazingg.
So we go from me riding him, to a lil' reverse cowgirl, to me sticking my head out the sunroof again lol.
I found it kind of funny that I was more concerned with the people walking by, even tough I had the sunroof open and I was moaning hella loud. He had me on my back with my knees pressed against his chest.
I know I did a blog on dirty talk, there's being sexy and there's being funny. He does it just right.

"You like my dick in you?"
Indeed.

"Ohh baby your pussy feels so good, its soo wet"
Why thank you.

"No, don't use your hands. Stick it back in."
As you wish.

"You gonna come for me?"
Mmhmm.

You get the idea. Throw in a few ass smacks in here and there, and I am a happy woman.
I love when I can sense a man reaching his nut. It's amazing. The trusts get harder and the breathing gets faster an some moan, some don't make any noise at all.
Then everything slowssss. Once he caught his breath I handed him his clothes and his phone and he looked at me and was like "So that's it you're like 'I got my fix I'll see you later' huh?" Well when you say it lie THAT...
We said our goodbyes and I drove home ready for a shower and some sleep.
As soon as I walked in the door he texted me and asked me if I could go pick him up. Might as well...
I drove back to the house, swooped him, and we went out for tacos.
Soundtrack for the evening?
"Pretty Boy Swagg" and "Swag Surfin'" lol

After we finished eating I drove him back home. I pulled up in front of his house and he looked at me like I was crazy. He instructed me to park across the street. I couldn't figure out why until after I parked when he hopped back in the backseat. Round two? Yes please!
As we're getting down in the backseat he asks me to open the door. Remember we're in a neighborhood lol. I open the door, and he gets out, stands up behind me, and starts hitting it from the back. That was crazy. He's crazy. But it felt sooo good. He pushes me down an lays on top of me an keeps going. We keep going with the door an sunroof open, me still moaning hella loud. I hop on top and ride him all the way home. Once again, I hand him his clothes and say our goodbyes, and I go home one satisfied woman. I may have felt like my friend jenn says, "violated by a horse", and I couldn't walk straight to save my life, I had a big ass cheesy smile on my face the next day. Job well done, sir. As always.

This all took place between 12-4 am. So we're not doing this shit in broad daylight or anything.
Although something tells me he wouldn't be opposed to having sex during the day:)
I can only imagine. Until then I'm going to attempt to not complain about the lack of penis I'll be receiving for a while, but who knows how long that'll last lol

DOWNSTROKE

Courtesy of SexInfo101.com.
Mmmmmmmmmm I need a second serving of this right here

Emails to AskMisssixxxty@yahoo.com please and thank you

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Miss Sixxxty, your very own freak of the industryy