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Thursday, March 31, 2011


So. As a girl you know you can't wipe back to front right? For sanitary reasons. The same applies to anal. Don't go between the two. Thank god I haven't gotten some sort of yeastie. Sorry I'm not allowed to elaborate on the situation but ehh, what can ya do.

This sucks balls. I need more questions cause I'm having severe writers block right now. But for now let me dig deep deep DEEP down in the recessed memories of past partners. *flips thru rolodex* aaaah, this looks like a good one. *Sprinkles magic dust in the bonfire like on Are You Afraid Of The Dark*

Once upon a time there was a girl who lived in the most boring town this side of the Golden Gate. She suffered from a hypersexual disorder and a testosterone imbalance. And she was quite sexaay, might I add. All she wanted to do was fuck. She didn't care who (to an extent. She wasn't hoe strolling it down the street tryna cop her next fix but yeah...) she didn't care when all she knew was she wanted it BAD. So one day this dude, known as the pizza man to you guys, gave her a ring a ding ding early in the morning. Now, this girl, she's not a morning person, so it kinda sucked when he called at 8am on the weekends when normal people were still recovering from the night before. But this man, ooooh no he was no ordinary man. No, this man was BOLD ENOUGH to ring her door bell at 8:30 am when everyone else in her house was sleeping and ask if she was home (wtff). And we obviously all don't look so smashing when we first wake up but at the same time she didn't wanna keep him waiting so she threw on a cute sweats set an wiped the drool off her face and went to see what he wanted. He wanted to "take her to breakfast" and her parents let the two on their way. "Breakfast" was code word for sex at the river. These kids were both in high school, and neither one had a place of their own, so the river became "their spot".

Getting to the actual spot is a bitch. First you have to crawl through a hole in the fence, then you have to scale the side of a damn cliff basically and it gets pretty steep as you get closer to the river bed. Obviously flip flops aren't the correct footwear but she needed to be cute. They find a bushy area off the main path an get down to business. He takes off his work shirt and like the gentleman he is he lies it on the ground for the fair maiden to rest her ass upon. He whips it out and clearly work needs to be done. He's a grower not a shower so when you see it soft its kind of a disappointment, but you just gotta give it a lil encouragement and he stands tall. She decides to give him a little oral support and sure enough she starts getting stabbed in the throat with his penis. She takes it out and he gets on top and sticks it in. His shirt isn't very large and she has to figure out which is more important: her ass or her hair. The hair wins and she ends up with her ass on the bare ground. Now this was fine in the beginning but its beginning to get uncomfortable for both of them. For him because his pants are at his knees hindering his thrusting ability and for her because she keeps getting poked in the ass with twigs. She tells him to get off and she slips on her flip flops and leans against a tree trunk. He follows and she wraps one leg around his waist for leverage. Now this wasn't much better because as the thrusts start coming hard and fast the bark on the tree trunk starts scratching the shit out her back. Scratches on the back are sexy, but not this kind. I think he notices the discomfort in her face because he pulls out and spins her around. Hunched over = Much better. Bent over at the waist, hugging the tree for dear life she lets him take over, and take over he does. But unfortunately, as soon as it began he was breathing hard and digging his nails into her hips. She never understood guys who didn't like finishing in condoms...He pulled out, ripped the condom off and aimed for the tree. Bum-mer. Nothing worse than a good quick fuck and by that I mean someone who is good at sex but just can't last for shit. All that talent - wasted. And every time he tries to redeem himself by givin a little oral. And sometimes she just wanted to pat him on top of the head and say nice try. Because she likes receiving, don't get her wrong...but she has yet to meet a dude who can get her there solely based on oral. And she doubts that will ever happen. While they are getting dressed, they notice a cop on a motorized bike are headed their way. Well shit, she was already dressed SEE YA. And she starts scaling the side of the cliff to get the fuck outta there. She looks back and see the cop has stopped to talk to him. When he finally meets her back at the car she asks him what happened and he said the cop was asking him what he was doing down there since he was in his work uniform. "Fishing". Yes, he really said fishing. I know, I know...where does she find these losers?!
The drive home was sooo uncomfortable because she had sand in her vag and a whole bunch of splinters caught in the furry lining of her sweats that took her MONTHS to completely get out. No bueno sitting in class and springing up because you just got stabbed in the ass by a splinter. And reaching in your pants to retrieve it isn't very attractive, either. After doing a mirror check, making sure her hair was in order and there were no unidentifiable stains on her clothes she told him she would see him later and "thanks for breakfast" and went inside to take off those damn sweats. Her parents remarked that was a quick breakfast. "Oh he just took me to McDonalds like the cheap bastard he is" and they left it at that.

Months later she woke up one day and screamed "WHY?!?!?!?!?!?!" And then went pure the hell off on him and told him not to call her anymore cause she never wanted to see his fucking face again. Cause the situation had lost its novelty and she was bored and he was a pest and no one likes being pestered for ass. Its thirsty and annoying.

And then one day years later she slipped up because she really wanted some and had no options. Then afterwards she realized why she went off on him in the first place. And she stopped returning his calls again. But she was a sexayy piece of ass so getting satisfied by another strapping young lad wasn't an issue.

The new fellow in her sex life is grand she says. Every time she sees him she feels like she's been violated by a horse and she needs a snack and a nap. The peen is good and when it comes its GOOD. And that's all she asks for. Is for someone to lay down the D when she needs it. And yes it is a need. Other people tell her "stop fucking with him" but hahaha they just don't understand. Sex > feelings. Know the difference between the two simple bitches. She can emotionally detach herself, can you?


Courtesy of
I can only imagine how fun this is gonna be when I get my boobs. Tig O' Bitties just a bouncin up an down in his face...

But seriously, Leave me some questions...Or if you wanna share your own story on here you can do that too. I'll make sure I keep it anon:)
Miss Sixxxty, your very own freak of the industryy

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