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Tuesday, May 24, 2011

Take A Fucking Hint.

Babes an Gents I haven't verbally castrated anyone in who knows how long, but tonight, that ends NOW. Why dudes from the past insist on rearing their ugly heads i have no fucking idea.

First we have this dude from my high school. Apparently we were passing notes in class one day and according to him I said that I "want a nigga to beat the guts". Let me tell you I have never IN MY LIFE told someone I wanted them to beat my guts. But I understood what he meant. He was all butt hurt that I was DTF in high school (which I probably wasn't but just passing the time in class) and now, ALL OF A SUDDEN (3 years later) I don't want him to. Umm...really?? If I was REALLY serious about fucking you I would've made something happen by NOW. It's not that hard for two consenting adults to set something up, hell I fuck happenis in the backseat on the regular. BOY BOO. Have multiple seats down sir. Anyways, we all know I dance (or at least we should know by now) and I posted a pic of my earnings on FB. He messages me on fb asking ifI'm a stripper (I think dancer sounds better but w/e) I said yeah and he tells me his friend's 22nd birthday is coming up and if I do private shows. For you? Sikeeeeee ya mamaaaaaa. If I wanted to do private shows I would have been dancing a loooooong ass time ago. I told myself if I ever did this it would be inside a club. I felt some type of way about showing up at strangers houses...but yeah I told him the first part and he was like don't do it on the regular just for one night and I said "mm, no thank you".

"Step yo game up"

Oh good golly gosh I wasn't aware stepping my game up meant doing a private show! How ever will I manage by just working at the club?? *wipes sweat off brow* Then he goes on this tangent:

"A stripper tht dnt like money, they must hire ne one tht wanna shake a lil ass. Maybe I should open my own club for low budget females who wanna shake a lil ass"

Umm, no sir its just you couldn't pay me ENOUGH to dance in your pissy ass apartment. But good luck on that low budget strip club you wanna open! Like it just amazes me how once you tell a dude you're not interested they start talking about how low budget/ugly/fat/hoe-ish w/e the case may be...if that was the case why bother hitting me up in the first place?? Oh, that's right, because you're full of shit! Dudes need to suck it up, take the loss an move the fuck on an stop being a waiting to exhale bitter bitch.
Swear he has one more time to pop up in my inbox before I lay ALL his shit bare across facebook...smh

On to the next dude. So there was this dude (and I use the past tense for a reason) that I met. Suuuuper cute, great convo, business man, alla dat. Later that night we ended up in bed and let me tell you IT WAS FUCKING AWFUL. Oh god where do I begin...
Okay so me, his roommates an my friend went back to their apartment. Upon entering I knew they had an animal cause the living room smelled like animal piss. I sat on the couch and this adorable little kitten comes out of nowhere. I'm not gonna lie, I thought it was a little weird for 3 dudes to have a cat as a pet but I'm not judging...
We all sat down to watch some stupid ass movie and meanwhile he's talking to me and his breath is kinda stinky, like he just smoked a Black & Mild...I'm not paying attention to him or whatever booboo ass movie he put on. It was hella early, and I still had a long drive home ahead of me. So he asks me if I wanna go lay down in his room. Sure, let me not be a party pooper an ruin the movie for everyone else. Before we get to his room he asks me if I've ever slept on an air mattress. Yeaaaaaah...when I first moved into my house...and he's going on and on about how he thinks they're more comfortable than regular mattresses...sir how stupid do I look? You ain't got ta lie Craig you ain't got ta lie...We get in and he closes the door behind him. I lay down an start dozing off...but he insists on fucking with me.

"Do you like massages? Cause I like giving them. Don't think it's weird that a guy likes to give massages I just do. I'm not gay or anything..."

Once again, no need for excuses dude. I'm getting this "massage", but to be completely honest it just fees like he's pinching the shit out my skin. I'm laying there trying to enjoy it but that was fucking impossible. Then he asks me to take my top off cause he's not giving me a very good massage. Okaaay top comes off. The massage didn't get any better. Then he takes off my pants and next thing I know he's giving me some Grade A head. Snap snap clap clap for me because I haven't gotten any head in a loooong time. But when he was finished working his oral magic everything went downhill. He takes off his shirt...then unbuttons his pants...and I'm staring at his boxer briefs tryna see something...no dice. Then he grabs a condom...and slips off the boxer briefs...*heavy sigh*............I just.......Ugh.......It was small. And he didn't manscape which made it worse. His pubes were like half the length of his dick! More head, then he hops on top...away he goes. He's just thrusting his little heart away and I'm more focused on my breathing and facial expressions to make this shit as believable as possible so it can be over. Like I could see him putting in work, could hear it, but I felt NOTHING. My vag felt no fullness whatsoever.

Yeah I faked the hell out of it. Sue me.

Anyways he's asking me if I like it and I'm ignoring him an grabbing the sheets...and he flips me over on my stomach. THANK GOD now I can roll my eyes and look as bored as I feel. Then he gets back on top...time to count cracks in the ceiling...He pulls out, asks if I suck and I gave him the most half assed blow job...it was sooo pathetic I'm surprised he enjoyed it...smh. So he grabs another condom and I'm just trying to find an excuse to end this shit. Thank buddah one of my piercings slipped out and on top of that he ran outta condoms (thank yaaaa) SO I was like GOOD NIGHT!!! Rolled over an went to sleep.

Or at least I tried to. This nut wanted to cuddle!! He pulled me close to him, he was kissing my shoulders, stroking my body, telling me I had beautiful eyes and I was just plain ol beautiful an blah blah blah bullshit. The whole time I'm thinking "PERSONAL. SPACE. BUDDY." You're hot, sticky and nasty. Get the fuck away from me. Then he wants to hold hands and fall asleep spooning. I swear 4:30 am could not come fast enough. As soon as my alarm went off I hopped up out tha beeeeed and tried to put my clothes on but he pinned me on top of him and asked me if I ever do raw dog (I hate that term) and I said I have...and he asked if he could. Sorry sir you're not slipping that little meal worm in me without a hat. Yuck. Got dressed and bolted out the door. I would never never never do that shit again.

Fast forward to present time. Still texting me. He's always asking when is he gonna see me again and how much he really wants to see me an how he thinks I'm a cool chick...
One night he was texting me and I was drunk and he asked me what I was doing.

Him: "Sounds like a good tym anything excitin happen?
Me: jusT whoring (I meant just waiting...but I was waiting on Happenis lol so I guess there is some truth there...)
Him: So you got laid?
ME: No nore yet..
Him: Lol o haha nvm
HIm: Not yet so ur looking to get laid then come to my paid shit (no thank you SIR we won't be doing THAT again)

Then I tell him he lives waaay too far away and he starts telling me he'll pay for my gas expenses he just wants to see me an blah blah blah. Sir if I didn't know any better I'd call that solicitation! You're paying my way over there so you can attempt to give me another round of mediocre dick. Thanks but uh, I pass. I sent him a sad face and went on about my business. Checked my phone.

Him: Whats the sad face for?
Him: ?
Him: did i say something foolish?

He's the type of dude to send 15 text messages if you don't answer one. ICK.

I told him straight up "if we ever hang out again there will be no sex involved"

Him: Lol well I'm sorry didn't you have fun?
Him: Its kool then well its up to I want to see you but ur not down then don't show I don't begg lol
Him: I'm talking bout just chilling at my pad shit I want u to even just to kick I wasn't lieing when I said ur kool as heck but it sounds like want to come by (who tf says heck??)
Him: You don't want.
Him: Shoot if u can stop by just to hang out then please do so but if not then alright
Him: Sorry my txts were so fucked up lol I'm driving and trying to txt lol
Him: But on the real my bad for making it sound as if its all about sex cause its not I'm not that type of a guy but ttyl

Let me tell you I was stressed the fuck out by the 3rd consecutive text. What happened to him not begging??? That sounds a lot like begging does it not?! Anyways one day I told him I was near his house and he goes "?" "what was that text all about?" WTF do you think you idiot?! He said came outta nowhere and I was like you know what nevermind. Then he's like no its cool so are you stopping by? Hell no.

Him: I'll give you 20 so come by lol (that's not even enough to over gas there and back. I'll pass)
Him: u gunna come by? I want you too
Him: ?
Him: Guess that's a no?
Him: lol are u coming?
Him: If u need more then ok but i need to know if ur going to come?
Him: Guess ur not then
Him: Just wondering u know i was looking forward to seeing you tonite why didn't you come by? you trying to play with my head?
Me: I was tired.
Him: k hope to see you soon
Me: probably not.
Him: Is it okay to ask why? (you're asking permission to ask a question? oh okay...)

you know what...I can't even go on with this shit. It's getting my blood pressure up and I haven't talked to this idiot in days. This is the shit I put up with on the regular. Ri-fucking-diculous. I slept with this man ONCE ages ago and he has lost his little mind, like they usually tend to do. Idk what it is...because for the most part if the sex is bad I just lay there...Men are idiots.

I'm soooo ready for friday...The work spouse is coming to visit me at the club and I have a surprise for him:) hope he likes...
Ohhh...if you wanna follow the shenanigans that go on in the club go follow my work twitter @AutumnBottom68 I find it to be pretty inneresting but for the most part I only tweet when I'm there. So if I don't tweet for a couple days dont unfollow me lol and yes I follow back.

BULLDOG

Courtesy of SexInfo101.com.
I know I posted this one before but when Happenis gets it he either puts both hands around my neck, or one grabbing a fist full of hair and the other grabbing a fist full of ass(;

Lemme be yo private dancerrr
Miss Sixxxty, your very own freak of the industryy

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