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Tuesday, January 24, 2012

"You Up?"

My nerves are completely fucking irked. This whole thing about initiating sex just has my spirit disturbed. I think we can all agree that at any given moment I'm prolly thinking about sex. Whether I'm in class, the grocery store, or in church I'm thinking about penis. That being said, the whole "Closed mouths don't get fed" rule clearly doesn't apply to me. Why? I have no fucking idea. I always thought in a man's perfect world they'd have a bad bitch who wanted to have sex ALL THE TIME and would happily oblige them when they asked. I would be that bitch. If the sex is good then you should already know you got me. I have yet to meet a man who wanted to have sex as much as I do (and if they did they weren't doin it with me:/). They make me feel like this sexual maniac, like something must be wrong with me if none of these dudes want it like I do. In MY perfect world I would have access to the dick whenever the fuck I asked, at least once a day. Don't care when, don't care where, don't care how just give me the shit.
This leads me to the issue at hand. I know I obviously can't hit up any dude EVERY TIME I wanna have sex, this I know. But those rare few occasions I DO try to initiate something they mistake my wanting sex for catching feelings. Or some other bullshit. Listen. Sir. I'm not trying to date you, I'm not trying to invite you to dinner and a movie I would just really like to borrow your penis for my personal enjoyment every now and then. Cool with you? And it ESPECIALFUCKINGLY irks me when I hit you up and you turn me down, I stop texting you and you hit me with the "I haven't heard from you in a while" well NO FUCKING SHIT SHERLOCK! Why would I continue to hit you up when you always turn me down?! It takes like twice for you to turn me down before I declare you a lost cause. The phone works both ways you know how o get in contact with me when you decide you're ready for me again...
Idk maybe I just have the world's worst timing and they'd actually like to have sex with me when I text but due to some prior obligations they can't. Or some shit. Who knows...
Is there some sort of protocol for proper waiting time before I get to try to initiate the shit and get mine? No? This is why I propose the emoji developers come up with a single emoji that would signify that I would like to bang the shit out of you I could initiate sooooo many more booty calls with that. So simplistic, yet it would get the job done. Apple where's my check?!
So yes. For those of you I get textually active with, when you don't hear from me for a few days its not because I'm tryin to play it cool. I'm doing it so you don't think I'm starting to have feelings for you. The only feelings I'm having for you are deep in the pits of my vag. If you can help me out with that then fanfuckingtastic. If not, then why the fuck are you even texting me in the first place??
YES. If we just FUCK, don't text me just wanting to talk. It's annoying.
...Why is it so hard to find a fuck buddy who just wants to have sex all the time? I'm convinced I'm a scientific anomaly...Whatever I'll just go back to being sexually frustrated until I get to cash in my rain check...if that ever happens...

Miss Sixxxty, Your very own freak of the industryy

Saturday, January 21, 2012

When I Tell You Guys...

...that I just received the best head of my fucking life...like this shit was life changing...i swear I just want to share the awesome news with any and everyone that will listen but for obvi reasons ill keep my trap shut about him...my town is way too small...but this shit...was AMAZEBALLS. I mean he was a great kisser to start off with (no busted lip or engulfing my mouth within his...) Gentle when he needed to be, and gently nibbling on my bottom lip not trying to rip it off like a baby wildebeast. I hopped in his lap and kept at it, and he picked me up and carried me from the couch to the bed (FINALLY got manhandled!!). He went from kissing me, to kissing my neck (drools) then he sat up, took his shirt (what a lovelyyy sight) and took my pants off. When he just dove down there no questions asked I was a lil surprised but man oh man did he go. To. Fucking. TOWN. He slid the panties to the side and worked it a lil bit...then just took em completely off and enjoyed himself some 4th meal. I'm pretty sure he serenaded GiGi with a song and she liked it. A lot. Just an amazing combo of licks, sucks and those FANGASSS my god...he doesn't just ram them in there either he knows how a vagina is built and works so he does the whole "come hither" thing with his fingers and just assaults the fuck out my gspot. I was almost worried I was going to glaze him! I kept running so he hoofed his arms around my legs and buried himself in my thighs...YES MA'AM YES LAWD!!! I dont think I can go on about his grade A head game enough. Fuck what the rest of these little boys were doing...i thought I was getting good head my entire sexual life until he fell into my lap. Before I wasn't ever big on head, if you were a giver no then great if not I wasn't tripping either way but THAT shit right there...i would LOVE that shit all the time.

Oh, and trust and believe I gladly returned the favor. I sucked his dick like my life depended on it. Had to show my gratitude lol...

Unfortunately had to take a rain check on the sex:/ but I am waiting to cash it in...whenever he's ready;)

Miss Sixxxty, your very own freak of the industryy

Thursday, January 19, 2012

Big Money, Big Money!!!

So TECHNICALLY I'm not being  trifling when I don't ever know when Happenis and I are officially OFF...I mean I gotta get the dick from somewhere...So I've kept the Sexsomniac on the back burner you know, just in case...
But he had been acting reeeeal funny lately...he would invite me to kick it, and me thinking I'm guaranteed some dick that night when I would get there I'd see his ex gf there. The fuck?! Sir why are you bringing sand to the beach?? I don't have a problem with him or any other dude fucking other bitches, but don't make me get out my bed to come hang out when I wasn't tryna "hang" in the first place. So I stopped texting him and one night he told me to come hang out cause the ex wouldn't be there...and SOMEHOW I ended up with him sucking on one of my boobs and some other little Mexican boy on my other one (I didn't even know his name!) Then I was making out with the Sexsomniac while the other Mexican boy tried sticking his hand in my pants. Um. Not tonight sir...
Anyways after that night I eased up on texting him because I didn't want him thinking I was catching feelings when I wasn't. One night he hits me up and asks me if I wanted to go to the casino. I say sure why not, I've never been. We make some drinks before we go and I smuggle mine in my purse. We hit up the blackjack table and it only takes me losing 35 bucks for me to quit but he kept going. Oh, did I mention his mom was there and my tits were out? Yeah...that was my first time meeting her...
Anyways they gambled for FUCKING HOURS before we finally left. I was already drunk because I smashed on my drink in the bathroom and I was trying to keep it together lol. We're driving back to town just talking and all I'm thinking about is how much I wanna fuck. We pull up to his house and he's like "Do you wanna have sex?" Why yes, yes I DO. We hop in the back seat and I start straddling him. Having sex with him is fun because he likes making out. We did that for a bit, stroked him til he got hard, and I hopped on. Generally I do all the riding and he just sits there and sucks on my nips (he actually knows how to do it right) until I feel like switching. For someone with an average peen he still manages to stroke the gspot when he's behind me, which makes me wonder why the fuck that stupid ass Conejo couldn't do shit!!! Our back seat action sexcapades may not be as crazy as those with Happenis but I still get mine and enjoy it nonetheless. We both finish and contemplate getting breakfast, but its like 5 in the morning and I kinda just wanna sleep. If I have one complaint about the Sexsomniac its just that he second guesses himself so much it irks me. He's always like "Sorry for that bad sex" and I'm just like wtf are you talking about? I always tell him if it was bad I wouldn't be going back. Maybe he just likes getting his ego stroked...idk...
I would love to fuck him as much as I Possibly could but he is one of those dudes who can't fuck worth a damn unless they're drunk as fuck. I've heard of whiskey dick, but liquid viagra? C'mon son...what do I have to do, fuck an alcoholic to get some steady dick on the regular?? BLAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Miss Sixxxty, your very own freak of the industryy

Wednesday, January 18, 2012

Let's Start 2012 Off With A Bang, Shall We?

You see babes an gents THIS is why GiGi is so fucking picky. If I step out on Happenis even for a moment 9 times outta 10 it is going to be absolutely horrid. Idk what kinda weirdo voodoo hex he has placed over me but I wish it would come off me! God I don't even know where to begin...

I've seen a little bit of Happenis (I know, I know, much to the people's dismay, but that's a whole 'nother blog for a whole 'nother day), a little bit of the Sexsommiac (once again, I know, triflin' as SHIT) and recently I added some new meat to the mix. Let's call him...fuck I don't even know...Conejo (aka rabbit in spanish. It fits). I had been hard pressed for the peen lately because it seemed as if no one was tryna put out when I needed them to! And one day I was perusing my fb and saw this dude I used to work with and thought hmm...what if...I read his bio which actually had an ounce of intelligence in it (caught my ass off guard) and somewhere he may have mentioned that he wasn't a one minute man but I swear that had nothing to do with my decision! Anyways, I posted something on his wall, we had some small talk, and when he messaged me with his number I knew it was going down. So I hit him up, and I noticed he still used a signature on his texts. If this wasn't a red flag then I don't know what is. But I ignored it and we made plans to meet up later. I didn't know where he lived (not from his town) so I used my GPS and I'm telling you the closer I got the more I hoped my navigation was wrong! I turned on his street and I knew I was in the fucking ghetto. Everyone had dirt lawns, the "fences" were made out of that chicken wire shit, I mean his whole house was probably as big as my living room and dining room put together and I by no means at all live in a mansion! There were no sidewalks...just dirt and street...but I told myself not to judge a book by its cover. When he said he got his own place finally I was thinking like an apartment! But whatever I pull up and he tells me his friends are gonna go play beer pong somewhere and if I wanted to go. I told him it was "up to him", that I wasn't trippin. He decides we should go. We pull up to the house and when I walk in theres a mattress in the living room with someone sleep on it and two yappy ass little mutts who keep jumping on me. The beer pong "table" was non-existent; it was maybe like a sq. yard. They weren't even playing beer pong it was just some dirty plates and bills on the table! The girl sitting there is like "hey you wanna go to my house and have a bonfire?" and he looks at me. I tell him "ITS. UP. TO. YOU". He decides we should go. We get there and his two friends get out the car and I try to follow and he says wait. I'm like what?? And he starts kissing me. Fine enough til he takes my entire fucking mouth into his (Sound familiar?) and starts licking all over it. Yuck...he finally stops and goes from nibbling on my bottom lip to hoover vacuuming it off! I'm trying to lead and not let him have my bottom lip but the shit aint working. He stops kissing me to pull my boobs out and start sucking on em. I swear it felt like I was breast feeding a toddler with all their teeth. The amount of suction this man uses I was pretty sure he was going to suck my piercings clear the fuck out my nips. I tried to ease him off and he pushes me down and starts sucking on my neck hella hard. It felt good but I was NOT trying to have any hickies, so I told him be gentle. He wasn't listening yet again. Then he gets up on his knees and it looks like he's ready to whip it out "Oh hey whoa whoa whoa...I'm not having sex with you in a car." Everyone else is already at the bonfire I'm just tryna join. If his ass wanted to have sex already he should have just had them take us back to his spot! This cocky bastard thinks he can change my mind my licking and kissing on my stomach getting ready to go down on me and I'm like no I'm serious I'm not fucking you back here. We finally get out the car and I feel my lip. My lip was fucking swollen! That's how hard that man was sucking on it. It seriously looked like he popped me in the mouth. Anyways we get out just for his friends to get in and I swear it seemed like they had sex for forever and a day. It was cold outside, I was irritated, I just wanted to go home it was like 4 in the morning...finally they finished and we went back to his house. As if this night couldn't have gotten any fucking worse.

He asked if I wanted to come inside and I said yeah...how I wish I would've said no!!! His living room consisted of a fridge...and a big screen tv. The kitchen? A microwave and a HAMMOCK. The bedroom? A fucking pot farm. Mind you this was the warmest part of the house. SO I'm standing in the "kitchen" and he hops into the hammock (I can't even type this with a straight face) and he's like "c'mere". Sir. You are out of your FUCKING mind if you think I'm about wedge myself in that tiny as hammock with you. We went back and forth for about 5 minutes and then I noticed he wasn't wearing pants anymore! Are you fucking serious you were tryna get it in IN THE FUCKING HAMMOCK?!?!?!?! I go into the "bedroom and he follows me in wearing nothing but a long sleeve tee and some ankle socks..............................
He closes the door and starts with the hard kissing again and I could feel his dick poking me. I push him away to get a look at it. Very nice I must say. Not only was it long but that shit was soda can girthy. And cut!!! Yaaaay...for now at least...He picks me up and then lays me on the ground and pokes me with it. "Um...where's your condom?" and he just stares at me. Sir I'm being completely serious if you can't tell...SO he runs away an grabs one now let the sexing commence! At first I was on my back with my legs on his shoulders and I'm not gonna lie I ran like SHIT at first. Just um. A LOT. To take in...But that's where the joy ended. We switched positions and I was on all fours...and this man fucked me like a rabbit. He wasn't even going all the way in. I couldn't feel shit but his balls wacking me (This is just the nastiest feeling in life to me). I layed down on my stomach and he layed on top of me all in my ear talking about "This is mine, this pussy is mine" Sir.......................................just stop talking please. You couldn't even rent to own this shit. Thank you. It only got good when he went down on me, probably the only silver lining to this night, I got to ride his face and he ate it from the back, which was all I really wanted anyways. He asked me to "suck it", and I obliged just cause he went down on me so many times before. But I didn't like him or the sex so I really just half assed the shit. He kept putting his hands on my head (My biggest fucking pet peeve when I'm sucking dick. Let me do my damn job I don't need any type of encouragement from you!) and kept tryna ram his dick down my throat so much to the point I just pulled it out and told him I would bite his shit off the next time he did it. I had bits of marijuana leaves stuck to me, I was tired and annoyed so I tried to fake stomach cramps and dip. I quit I couldn't fake enjoying this shit any longer. When I start wondering when the fuck you're gonna nut I know it's time to tap out and strike it up as a loss. He looked a lil sad/pissed off but wtf ever. I got dressed and when I tried to grab my car key I didn't have it. I started frantically looking like a madwoman and came to the sad realization that when the man mauled me in the backseat it had to have slipped out my pocket and was in his friend's car in the next own over, 20 minutes away. I hopped right on the phone with my roadside assistance just for those bitches to tell me they can't send a locksmith because of my stupid ass chipped key ad the best they could do was tow me to a dealer where they wanted to charge me 200 bucks for a new fucking key. The whole time this bitch is apologizing (for me losing my key, not that wack ass sex >_
Needless to say I'm gonna pretend this night never happened.
Miss Sixxxty, your very own freak of the industryy