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Thursday, May 24, 2012

Crusing For Ass Via CraigsList. Lol.

CraigsList. Lol. So I have terrible insomnia and I end up doing weird shit in the wee hours of the morning, I usually end up on the weird side of YouTube, which basically consists of bot fly videos, literal cat fights, and a bunch of videos about death (celebrity funerals, random people's funerals, post mortem photography, ect.). Then there's always World Star Hip Hop........smh...my biggest guilty pleasure. I live for the fight compilations lol. And there's also CraigsList.
When I go on CraigsList I browse the for sale ads, the housing ads, and the personals. My favorite section is the Missed Connections. Basically what it is is people post ads to strangers that they've come across that they would like to get to know better. So that dude that ran into your shopping cart at SafeWay just might be posting about it in Missed Connections. While no one has actually posted about me in Missed Connections (that I've seen at least) I still go and check just in case cause I'm vain like that.
In the back back days there used to be I think it was called like Adult Services or Erotic Services or some shit which was basically like a local version of RedBook. And If you don't know what RedBook is, it's basically where pimps post pictures of the girls in their stable and hoe them out. I've seen a couple girls I went to high school with on there and while I'm shocked and surprise I won't knock their hustle. Although I would ever get down like that but ehh...The funny thing about the Adult Service section was it was mostly male to female pre-op transsexuals providing the services. some of them were cute, others looked like men in wigs. But to each his own everyone has their own sexual appetite. The Government wasn't playing that shit and did away with that section a couple years ago.
Then there's also Casual Encounters which if I remember correctly CraigsList describes as "I'm only looking for sex (No Strings)". I used to browse the M4W section and laugh at all the dick pics, then wondered why it was ONLY dick pics. Every now and then you'd come across a guy who would post a face picture but for the most part it was penises. And as much as I love peen I hate looking at them in porn and pictures. If it isn't in my face, I generally don't wanna see it. Unless we're sexting and I'm debating on whether I wanna fuck you. Then that's called insurance. But unwarranted pics, no. Anyways, I checked the M4M and those men in that section are straight whores lol. And I mean that in the most loving way possible. They are so straight forward! They'll just be like, "I'm looking to suck a big fat cock and guzzle your sweet cum" and things to that effect. I think I saw one post about a man wanting to be treated like a baby, diaper changing and all o.O ...A lot of the gays have these secret spots where they'll meet at and have sex thru glory holes and walk out as if nothing happened. Crazy. The W4M section didn't have too many pics, mostly body and vag shots, theirs were kinda boring. The W4W section (at least in my area) consisted of fat women calling themselves "thick". Honey, you were thick 20 Big Macs ago. Stop it. "I'm 5'2, 275 lbs., THICK" Or they'll try to pull a "Janet Jackson" from Friday type deal. "I'm thick in all the right places, 38DD, big booty" and then when they post pics they're still fat. Yeah you might be big in the boobs and booty department, but you're also big everywhere else! There are also a couple cougars there, but for the most part no one posts pictures. I guess girls are a little more secretive when it comes to personals. Then there's two sub category thingies, you got coupes looking for a +1 then you got girls who are just strictly looking for a lesbian experience (ie NO MEN, NO COUPLES). And I could've sworn there was a section specifically for couples looking for +1s but I could be wrong. Anywho, I was texting my best guy friend Curly Fries (from the Best Friend Application blog lol) and we were talking about it and he goes "You know I always wanted to post a personal just for shits & giggs, just to see what would happen." and I got real quiet........."That is a BRILLIANT idea!!!" So We decided we'd post up personals and see what happened. I would post in the W4W, and he would post in the M4W. Should be interesting enough, right? YES!!!

MY EXPERIENCE
So I posted my ad, stating I was slim and looking for someone similar & no fat "thick" girls (I felt so mean putting that but I don't like being lied to. Even If i was lying in the entire post lol). Said I wasn't looking for anything serious, just a casual hookup for the night. I also stated I wasn't looking for men or couples or studs just a real fem girl and that her pics would get mine. Then the pic I attached to the post was just some random naked chick I found on Tumblr and I posted the ad. Craigslist doesn't let you post phone numbers or emails, so the email they have in the post is an anonymous one linked to your email and will only show up when you rely to someone. I got about 3 responses shortly after posting, all from men albeit. I was just so irritated I had to cuss them all out. Like ths is the W4W section. I clearly stated I wasn't looking for men. Wtf are you even doing in this section. Now, somewhat in their defense, the bitch I posted up was BAD, body and everything but her face was cut off. So I can see them wanting to try anyways. But the fact of the matter was, they were in the W4W section looking for ass when there's a W4M section full of girls looking for dick. But I digress...I woke up in the morning to this fuckery:

"sry 4 looking but u look good ma."
"WOW you are fucking HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOT!!!!"
"call or text me xxx-xxxx"
"dam well just think about it"
"lucky ladies...WOW"
"Sorry you are hot. Let just hook up anyways and give it a try. Call or text me xxx-xxxx"
"Im fuckin horny n ur ass is hella bombbbb id fuck u so good"
"Wow I have to say that u are way super sexy and amazing body wow u should an can be in any cover of Playboy magazine good luck on ur search and what a lucky lady she would be have a good time later" (after I told him to go away he hits me up the next day asking how my day is going-_____-)

What in the entire hell..? I'm still trying to understand their browsing of the W4W section...I got one dude pretending to be a girl who sent me a pic so I sent him another tumblr chick and he was like "dam that's sexy". Now I've never done this before but if you're a supposed woman looking for a casual hook up I'd assume you'd ask some questions or something, not just "oh sexy." I figured it was a man just looking to get pics of chicks and I called him out on it, stating the reasons above, And the fact the name attached to his email was "Bob". Smh. Then I got a couple pics from girls, one sent a body & face shot but her eyebrows were :( so I didn't answer, another one was from an Indian masseuse who only sent me shots of her "bubble butt" which wasn't even a nice looking ass, btw). I got an email from an older couple stating she wanted to "make me cum" and then she wanted me to watch as her boyfriend made her cum. Um, lady idk if you can read but I said no couples. I'm not interested in watching your old ass boyfriend bang you with his old wrinkly balls. Another chick hit me up asking if her boyfriend could watch, otherwise we'd have to hook up on the weekend while her boyfriend was gone. But she didn't have a nice body either. I realized if I was born a man I'd totally be a womanizer because I'm so fucking picky. If I'm ever gonna lez it out I want her to be a bad ass bitch like me! The next day I got an email from CraigsList saying my posting had been flagged for removal. Punk ass dudes didn't like being cussed out and shamed by a girl so they flagged my shit and got it taken down. Pussies.

CURLY FRIES'S EXPERIENCE
So we had him post in the M4W section, naturally, and he posted something to the effect of:

Young college student, looking for a little afternoon delight with the ladies. barely legals to lonely MILFs welcomed. athletic build, biracial, love giving mustache rights from ANY angle, just wanna make you lose your mind. your pic gets mine. Got a cute face & nice ass? you're god to go.

I always wondered if women actually responded in this section, for how many ads there were. I've never been tempted to answer these personals because they creep me out but other girls who knows..? I warned him about getting flagged like I did and he was like thats why I stated females so no homos would come knocking around my booty hole lol. Then when I asked him about prostitutes he said he'd send them our friend's number, and I suggested giving them the local police departments number. Great idea to me lol. I can't remember how many responses he got but one in particular stood out. She said something like "If you're ever hungry I'll feed you" and she sent a pic of herself. He sends me the pic and he's like what now? He was thinking she was a cam girl so I told him to get her to send another pic of herself. She sent like two more and we were just comparing all three to make sure she was the same chick. The last two looked the same because I spotted the mole on her upper lip, but the first one was a profile shot so I couldn't see it! I just was like "Okay I think it's her just keep going" but he STILL wasn't sure she was just a cam girl. We even tried looking her up on FB but there were soooo many girls with that name...FB needs to step up their advance search criteria like MySpace (how I miss thee). On myspace you could filter results by religion, body type, zodiac, location, sex, age, race all that shit.

SIDENOTE: Did you ever meet someone in real life you met on MySpace? DON'T LIE!!!!!

We gave up the FB search and just went with it. He sent a couple pics back and I asked him if she was a real person would he actually do it?

"Yes."

Men. Smh lol. I don't know what happened to their correspondence but I call him every couple of days seeing ow his search was going. Other tan that chick nothing exciting has happened. But he refuses to give up!I gave up after those hurt feeling hoes flagged my shit. He wants to keep posting til he gets some actual lady loving correspondence. What ever works Curly Fries...lol

Guess that means there's going to be a part two to this...
Miss Sixxxty, your very own freak of the industryy

7 comments:

  1. Question: Do you only sleep with Mexican men
    Question: bareback or rubber
    Favorite Position:
    Can we use toys:
    Do you moan:
    How good do you ride cowgirl:

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. 1. and don't forget whales
      2. aluminum foil
      3. point guard
      4. only if you've got a toys 'r' us gift card
      5. i groan
      6. i don't own a cow so...

      Delete
  2. Why you looking for ass when Ill fuck you guess I have to post in the missed encounters

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. reading comprehension skills are fundamental.
      1. this was for shits & giggles.
      2. this had nothing to do with me looking for dick. go read it again.

      Delete
  3. this is raj. i'm done with you and your stories and these comments. lmao bye

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Lmao raj don't be mad you love my life lol

      Delete
  4. You definitely need a column in the LA Weekly or something. Your comedic look of love (lust) and life as twenty something year old in the city is refreshing as it is unfiltered. Plus I like reading your posts for the lulz. Regards, meandickbutt

    ReplyDelete