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Friday, March 29, 2013

Random Pish Posh

So here's another random ass blog of just stuff that's been on my mind lately.

First off, FUCK El Capitan okay. After that first day when he only fucked me once he promised me that next time would be longer. Okay. So we planned to meet up again, and this time he requested anal. I didn't remember him being too girthy so I thought, shit, why the fuck not. I get into town and go to work, since I'm going to see him in the morning. Mind you I didn't even wanna be in town that weekend I only went for some peen. He told me to come at 8:30 which meant I had time to go eat breakfast and head out to him. I made it out there at 7:30 and at 8 he tells me sorry he fell asleep on me but if I can pick him up an hr away. Are you shitting me?! I just drove an hour to see you! I was just like shit I'm already out here for some peen might as well. But he owes me BIG TIME. I was not even 5 minutes into my journey to go see him before he started complaining about having his bike with him and how it wouldn't fit in my car or some shit. Then he said today is just not a good day I'm sorry and fell off the face of the earth. MOTHERFUCKER. I could've been sleep!!!! I called him everything but a child of god that morning. A few weeks later he hits me up and asks if I wanna come hang out with him cause he's having a party. I asked him if his parents were outta town or something and he says yeah. I'm like I'm down, thinking once the party is over I can hang around for a bit since no one is gonna be there. He asks if I can bring some friends for his cousins. I don't see why not, although the only girls I know work at the club and it would be kinda hard to pull them away from work on a Friday night. I figured I'd fib a bit, say they were coming on their own, and when they didn't show be fake mad about it, but suggesting we should still have sex since I'm already there. Well, I get there and lemme tell you I'm SOOO GLAD none of my friends came thru. Bitch sent me on a dirty mission! When I told him if I brought girls they wouldn't be strippers his cousins were disappointed. Cause you know, all strippers are easy. When I got there I was horrified. If my friend asked me to hang out with her dude's friends and they were all ugly I'd punch her in the ovaries. Which is exactly what my friends woulda done. And I wouldn't have even been mad at them about it. None of them were cute. I hung around and then after an hour I said they weren't coming. This bitch then decided to send me on my merry way because "he didn't want me to hang out here by myself". What about the original fucking reason I came out here in the first place bitch?! I was too hot because once again I drove to him for some peen and left empty handed. When I brought up that fact he said "I know, that sucks." Well fuck you too then! He drunkenly hit me up after that, but other than that I haven't heard from his punk ass. I'm not with that shit lol. And btw he's still using the nickname that I came up with as his name on twitter. As of now he has to find a new nickname. He is no longer allowed to use it.

OH! Here's another thing that pissed me off. So I have this friend who lives a few states away, but we still text each other nshit and we had always discussed meeting up soon, but the shit never got past the random suggestion stage. One day he randomly hits me up telling me he'll be in Vegas soon and if I would like to come I'm basically more than welcome. I'm like yessss a weekend in Vegas with some guaranteed peen why the fuck not. He let me know about 2 months prior so I had enough time to get my life together. First it was gonna be a trip with me and my friends and I would just see him while I was down there. Then my friends bailed so my sole purpose of even going was to hang out with him. As the date approached, I felt like I was asking about Vegas more than he was, and it was his trip! We talked like a week before about it and how he was basically going to fuck my brains out and I was all "yaaaaaaay". A few days before the trip I asked if he was driving so I knew whether I'd need a cab, or if I should just drive the entire way, you know just needing to straighten out some fuzzy details. no response. Hit him the next day since it was kinda late his time. Nothing. Finally a day before I'm supposed to leave he hits me and says yeah my buddy drove. This was after I had already seen him update fb and twitter that he was indeed driving with his friend. Tf? I decided to leave my car in SoCal and take a shuttle to Vegas and asked if he could get me from the Excalibur. He told me they just took a shuttle to and from the strip, and that it stops at the Excalibur. When I asked him what time he'd be done Friday so I knew what time to leave he told me when he'd be done for the entire weekend and I'm like no, I just need to know about Friday. No response. Sent him a pic of my fresh ass wax job. Nothing. Now he was starting to piss me off. Friday morning I text him and ask him what the plan was. Once again I got nothing. So I was like fuck it you must not want me to go then! I gave him until 4pm, cause I was not about to be driving to Vegas at all times of the night. 4pm came and nothing. So I said fuck it and hung out with Sexsomniac and my brother instead. I told them what was going on and was like "Watch. He's gonna hit me up around 9 asking where I'm at. Ol' smug ass bastard.". Like I'm going to Vegas alone. I'm not gonna drive out there and twiddle my thumbs hoping you might hit me up. What would happen if you didn't?  I would've just wasted my gas and been stuck in Vegas. Sure enough 10 o'clock came and I got a "Are you in Vegas?" text. Bitch are you serious?! I haven't heard from you all day, not to mention trying to get info from you was like pulling teeth and you still expected me to go? So I did him how he did me and ignored his ass while continuing to tweet and update my fb. When I finally did answer I hit him with a dry ass "Nope." and he sent me a sad face. Bitch get the entire fuck outta here okay? This is YOUR fault. Although I wasn't tripping because of course Sexsomniac came in clutch as always. But that's another blog for another day.

I went on a date last week. And don't get me wrong I enjoyed myself and the free Ruth's Chris Steak House. Just not the guy I was with. Lol. He was slightly annoying. He was a 32 yr old white guy who was a regional manager of a produce company from Sacramento to Bakersfield. And not interesting whatsoever. He was more interested by me. I was trying to be kinda mean and weird, and that made him like me even more. Fuhhhhhhhh. After the date and my steak he started hitting me up every day to plan our next date for the following week. Slow ya roll sir. I stopped answering his texts and he would literally have full blown conversations with himself. He called me rude for not returning a compliment or even saying thank you, and how I'm missing out on him and whatnot. After 12 unanswered texts I know I would get the hint. Not this guy. He wants to take me to Flemmings next. I don't think I have the heart to stomach another date with him for free yummy food when I don't even wanna be at the same table as the guy. We are in two completely different places in our lives! I was trying to picture him hanging out with my friends and I couldn't do it. I imagined him being uncomfortable as fuck. I don't wanna be a bitch but I swear he wants to meet my mom and get my dad's blessing already! I copped out and told him his persistence was kinda killing it for me and he said he really likes me and is intrigued by me and he doesn't want that. He knows I'm busy so he'll let up. Hopefully I won't have to hear from him again. lol.

Sometimes I wish I didn't like good dick so much. It makes me crazy. I feel like I don't get it enough to turn it down when they act stupid, which in turn makes me mad cause they still continue to act stupid. But I need it more than I need them to stop acting stupid, if that makes any sense to you. Makes perfect sense in my head.

I need to stop smoking/consuming weed. I need to be able to land a day job with clean pee so stripping can go back to being my side hustle. Because Uncle Sam is fucking me in the ass with no lube.

I can't remember the last time I watched porn. And I only watch it when I'm about to rub one out. So I haven't done that either. Be proud of me.

Puerto Ricans eat thee best pussy. This is not up for debate.

I like my guy to make the first move so I don't feel like some sex addicted spider monkey feind. My aggression scares people for some reason. So I'll just sit here and wait on you instead.

If I refer to you as a brother that doesn't mean hop in the bed with me at 3am asking if I wanna cuddle. And when I say no and threaten to fart on you if you touch me to whine and complain about how horny you are. Clearly you are unclear on the concept. And I don't care how horny you are. Stay on your fucking side of the bed and shut the fuck up or get out and sleep on the floor. All the other brothers get it! Get with the program!

Are we still out there eating ass? Not that I'm looking to have mine ate I'm just curious.

Good kissers make my panties wet. So do hickies.

I've lost 7 lbs. But probably gained back half of that over spring break. Boo.

I'd like to thank the Mexican boy who lived around the corner for making me who I am today. Without him my oral skills wouldn't be as on point as they are. Practice makes perfect, and when we'd get outta school 2 hours early every other Wednesday I sure as hell got my practice in. Although you annoy the shit out of me now and I will most likely never fuck you again, I wanna say I do appreciate you! Every time I see someone's eyes roll into the back of their head and feel their legs spasm. You go, Glen Coco.

The best way to end spring break is to have said Puerto Rican eating you out while you smoke a bowl. Yessss spring break turned out better than I expected.

Well, I'm off to get ready for work. I shall still update you on Sexsomnaic and the Puerto Rican.
Miss Sixxxty, your very own freak of the industryy

Friday, March 22, 2013

Cheater, Cheater, Pumpkin Eater

I said I was gonna write a blog about cheating and figure what better time than now to do it, because I swear that's all I've been dealing with lately. So I guess I am taken man's kryptonite. I can't seem to figure out how I keep attracting guys with girlfriends. I don't go stalking them out, the shit seems to happen that way. Aside from a few exceptions, I don't really tolerate that shit. Actually, what I don't tolerate is a guy lying about being in a relationship. Especially if I find out about it, and I always do because men are idiots. I've already said let me be a home wrecking jezebel on my on accords. Perfect example lemme tell you what's been going on this past week.
So I'm at my fave place the bar talking to my friends minding my business. My girl friend says she doesn't wanna drink and I'm like then bitch you can't sit with us lol it's a bar! She's like "No I don't wanna get drunk tonight because I'm not gonna get laid" and I tell her well me either but I'm still gonna drink. So this skeevy ass bartender that I always see who never speaks decides to chime in today. He asks why I'm going home alone and I tell him because men can't get with the program (we're all familiar with my luck). He goes I can def get with your program with a winky face and I'm just like yeaaaaaaaah...where's my drink. So I'm talking and he comes by and slides me a note that says "I can eat a peach for an hour!" and I was just horrified. I mean he's not ugly but he's def not my type. At all. I show my friends and we have a laugh and then he comes BACK with a pen and says "I'll just leave this here in case you wanna write something. Did you like your note?" And I gave him a sarcastic ass two thumbs up, because that wasn't creepy at all. My drunk self felt bullied into giving him my number but I didn't think anything of it. A few days later he hits me up and I didn't respond. Then I get on fb and see my friend post a pic of a dinner and she tagged some guy with the same name as the bartender. Hmm. Wait a sec. She worked at that bar too for a while. Coincidence? I click his name and sure enough it says he's a bartender at that bar. The odds of there being two bartenders with the same name was slim to none. I checked her mobile pics and well well well if it isn't the ginger with no soul! The next time he hit me up I took the opporitunity to do some digging. Sure enough he hits me up talking about "hey you wanna make out for a little bit?" First off, who does that to a basically complete stranger? How gay. So I immediately asked for his last name and he goes "Why? Just a funny question?" Seriously? You can offer to eat me out for an hour but I can't know your last name? What kinda sneaky hoe shit is that...So he lies and gives me a fake name but at this point I already know he's lying. Then he tries rushing me, making it a point to tell me if I want anything from him we only have an hour. Could my friend possibly be getting off work in an hour sir? I almost blew my cover saying what a small world but then I redeemed myself saying his fake name sounded familiar. Then he tells me he's great in bed with a big dick and I'm just like ewwww. And when I don't reply? He calls me. Cause that's what you're supposed to do when someone doesn't respond to your creepy texts. Finally he's just like "We can just be friends if you want I just like looking at you at the bar. I know you see people and so do I but if you want we can keep this on the dl;) feel free to send some pics and I'll send some back. This is going to be fun;)" Great. Downplay your LTR.
After a few different opinions and some thinking I decided to tell my friend. We were close in high school and didn't really have a fallout, just grew apart. But we were still cool when we ran into each other. I finally messaged her and asked her to call me and I kidd you not literally within 5 minutes of sending that cheating ass bastard texts me begging me not to tell her because "he loves her with all his heart and they have a perfect little family with his daughter (not hers) and he knew he messed up by taking my number and he understands if I need to tell her but to let him do this on his own so he doesn't lose her". He begged me to text him back. Bitch your sob story is not my problem!!!

SIDEBAR: That's another thing I can't stand. If you're gonna cheat you better be ready to be all fucking in. I can't stand whiney ass babies who have buyer's remorse not because the merchandise was defective (NEVER THAT) but because they miss their old stand by. If you can't handle that shit DON'T DO IT! And ESPECIALLY don't try and guilt trip me with your fuck ass sob stories either. I'm not the one in a fucking relationship you better go lay on a chaise lounge and talk your problems out with a therapist because that shit ain't in my job description. Like why are you telling the girl you cheated with all your relationship problems?! As if we give a fuck! Shit I don't!!!

Anyways, my loyalties lie with my friend and if you think I'm gonna do you a favor think otherwise. I would NEVER fuck a boyfriend or even an ex of my friends whether we're close or not. I will fuck someone's boyfriend if I don't know the girl. But if I know you I would never do that I will always do right by my friends. And If you wanna get into ethics and shit I'm pretty sure you don't treat strangers the same way you treat your friends hence why they have different titles. And clearly this man thinks I'm an idiot if he thinks I'm just gonna be like "Okay as long as you tell her." The odds of him telling her everything is slim to none. As casually as he sent that note I know he had done this before without batting an eyelash or thinking about his perfect little family. If you love her with all your heart like you say you do you wouldn't be doing her like this. She deserves way better than that.
She hits me up and I tell her what went down and the fucked up shit is that a day after I left the bar she went in. And she was at work that day he asked if I wanted to come over. She thanked me for telling her, glad I gave him my number because if it was anyone else he would've gotten away with it. Told her no problem and to hit me up if she needed anything else. Don't know what happened after we stopped talking but I hope she makes the best decision for her. And if she stays with him he better get his shit together.

So there's that. Another scenario is this boy I've been seeing every now and then, he has a gf too (I'll blog about the first time I fucked him. Insane.) The difference here is he's single when we hook up, but the next day they're back together again. The first time it bothered me. The second it made me laugh because now I knew the game, the only problem was he refused to acknowledge it. Like dude, idc if you are always on and off with your girlfriend. Clearly you like having sex with me and I like it too so if you wanna just do this and keep it on the low I'm cool with that. Just use your big boy words and say "Well me and my girl are on and off sometimes but you can still sit on my face because you taste delicious" (That last part isn't an exaggeration. He told me my pussy tastes amazing and he could eat it every day. Of course it does silly, I'm me! And I would let you if you were down, because your tongue is magical.). But alas he doesn't so ehh. Then one night out of nowhere when I wasn't even trying to have sex with him (at least not at that exact moment) he decides to volunteer the fact he's officially single and tired of being treated like garbage. I told him I was gonna ask but decided not to and he was like I'm glad you didn't because shit is complicated. I'm like okay. Then of course the next day he isn't single anymore. I swear if he didn't know how to fuck I'd punch him in the throat.

Well. Here's my monthly blog I suppose. I need to stop being so damn lazy. I still gotta fill you in on El Capitan's ol' bitch ass, Sexsomniac (clutchhhh), and this new boy. I will get to it eventually. Y'all gotta get on my ass about this lol.

Miss Sixxxty, you very own freak of the industryy