Lonely Bitch Diaries

Well. Welcome to 2014. I'm still the no dick gettin-est bitch out here. Tryna go out and expand my options and never meet anyone I'm interested in. My only hope reneged on his part of our verbal agreement. ***FOR THE RECORD: If you offer me butt sex, you have to follow thru with it! It's just the rules okay?!***. So anyways let me tell you about the bullshit from last night.

A few of my colleagues decided to go out and celebrate our last night together as a group. The ORIGINAL plan was to take a group on a late night field trip to what used to be my fave 24hr sex toy shop. Then one of my coworkers was so adamant on getting drinks first that we went to a dive bar to have A drink. Then he started buying everyone shots of fireball aka my kryptonite and before I knew it a bitch was drunk. Everything after that is a little fuzzy but I spent 80 fucking dollars on a fancy vibrator with the clit tickler thingie, batteries, and two diff types of lube. Idk who the fuck I thought I was! Pay day clearly had me trippin. Got home and was too drunk to try it out. Woke up this morning hung over like shit and I opened my underwear drawer and there it sat. I looked at it, got semi excited and thought, "What the hell, I already bought it and I can't return it. Let's see what the hype is about." I had read horror stories (depending on how you look at it) of women who don't leave their houses or like 3 days when they buy a good vibe. I don't want nor need those kind of problems! So my first real issue with this stupid vibrator is that it's the kind you use for penetration. So I'm tryna like...stick it in and I just felt stupid. It felt weird like I was stuffing a zucchini up there. I'm not big on masturbation already, I do it out of pure necessity these days. And even then its just clit stimulation. Easy peasy. If I'm going to be penetrated it better be with a real life fucking penis attached to a strapping young lad. But I still decided to give it a shot. so I got it in and turned it on. I'm pretty sure the bitch that sold me that shit said it was supposed to hit my g-spot and that shit did NOT. I said fuck this shit and pulled it out and just used it on the outside. I mean it got the job done, but not for no fuckin' $50! There were no Earth shattering, screamin O's or anything. Just a little "mmmm OOOF" and a basic warm flush.

I knew I had zero business in that sex toy shop. I knew it. But my dumb drunk ass just HAD to go inside.
When will the madness stop?
WHEN WILL SOMEONE GET TO SEE MY FUCKING PIERCING???
Ugh. Going to bed mad and alone. All shaved up for absolutely nothing. Can I get a little more "fuck me" and a lot less "fuck my life"? Thanks in advance.

Miss Sixxxty, your very own freak of the industryy

wahhhhhh

I haven't been on in ages. Prolly cause my sex life is non existent and I have nothing to write about. What's been going on with me? I work like a slave.
-Sleeping with someone you work with when you're there 5 days out the week could possibly be the worst decision you could ever make.
-The Antichrist formerly known as Happenis made a brief reappearance. That was short lived. But at least he remembered my birthday and I got some half decent birthday peen from it. But he wouldn't leave his new girlfriend and wouldn't give me a legit answer as to why he keeps coming back if he A. made it clear he wasn't leavin her ass and B. the bitch apparently sucks dick better than I do (HA! Bitch you wishhhhh). So he had to go. His bitch made him text me a few months after I ended it to "end it again". Then he came back yet AGAIN. But I was sleep. And I haven't heard from him since.
-Sexsomniac, my clutch, is clutch no longer. We had great hotel sex, I fucked him like 5 times that night it was great. Then he moved away, came back to visit, wanted to have sex with him when he was drunk & passed out so I gave him head until he woke up and we had sex and it was great. Then last time he came to visit he promised me sex then fell off the face of the earth. My last option vanished. I haz a sad. Moreso because I have no idea wtf happened. But what can ya do...
-Don't say you're gonna fuck me if you're not. And I hate the fact I feel like a thirsty ass hoe after you tell me that and I'm just over here like "k......soooooo...what's up?" We should've BEEN made this happen. Talkin all kinda shit. Of course you ain't about that life. OF FUCKING COURSE. Because this is me we're talking about.
-I still have yet to have someone explain to me why I come off as "intimidating" and me believe an ounce of what they say. I refuse to believe there is no one out there who just wants to have sex on a few (frequent) occasions. Am I getting old?! Am I supposed to be settled with a boyfriend by now?? IS THAT THE ONLY WAY I'M GOING TO GET LAID AROUND HERE?! Maybe I'll make a BlackPeopleMeet page. Or you think they'll take me on LatinosMeet or nah?
-I got a Christina piercing. It's dope af. I haven't put it to use yet. This makes me sad.

I really don't know what to update this blog with if I'm not having sex. I miss blogging but I literally have nothing to talk about lol. I miss y'all.
-Miss Sixxxty, your very own freak of the industryy

I'm Not Texting You First

I hate the fact that I can go from zero to annoyed in 2.5 seconds. Especially over little shit. Like shit that should be little, but I blow it up all outta proportion nshit...Still trying to figure out coitus courtesy 5 years and counting later...I hate phones. I hate the word "No." or any variation of the word out of a fwb mouth. I have determined sex will just NEVER be in the cards for me at the rate I want it. And damn my self control. That's the only thing that makes me feel a little better, knowing I'm not a sex addict. My reasoning is if I was addicted, and I'm not, but if I was I'd be cruising dark alleys for ass and letting just anyone drill me. And I don't. But then that leaves me in the position to complain all the time, I just wanna meet someone who wants sex as much as I do I say this shit til I'm literally blue in the face but outta all the fish in the sea I gotta deal with this shit. I try to ask for advice on what to do and basically the only answer I get is

"Oh why don't you just text him first? Closed mouths don't get fed"

To hell with that bullshit, okay?! I have tried that texting first bullshit and it DOESN'T WORK. I might just have the world's worst timing but even still, I shouldn't hear no as often as I do. And it's not like from people I fucked once, I've usually had sex with them more than once, which makes me wonder how they can even turn a quickie down. Why the fuck should I even have to ask in the first place? I've you've fucked me before you should know I'm literally ALWAYS down for sex. You have the penis, you know when it gets hard late at night, and you know how to get in contact with me. Since I always end up being the willing party balls basically in your court. I refuse to believe that outta everyone that none of you hoes want to have sex more than once a week/every other week. When I think about it the closest I got to some consistent peen was about once a week on weekends. Now I can't even get that. I think I had sex twice in January. TWICE. It's like coming in last place. And oh sure, I could probably broaden my horizons but shit how broad are we talking?  I'm very picky with the vagine I'd really like to keep it to a minimum. Fortunately I haven't gotten desperate blah blah blah complain complain complain. THIS IS WHAT I DO I COMPLAIN AND BITCH ABOUT THE LACK OF SEX IN MY LIFE. My vag is going to shrivel up and die an old maid. I'm tired of watching porn all the fucking time and getting off alone. At least when I get off with someone I feel happy. When it's just me it's like "mmmMMMMmAAAAAAAHHHhhhhh....okay now look to your left, and look to your right. That's right, you are ALONE." and this weird sense of guilt comes over me and I close my laptop and go to sleep. What did I do in my past life? Do I need to find Rumplestilskin and promise him my first born? Drink the blood of an albino tiger? WHAT. IS. IT?!?!?!?!?!?!
This shit has to be chemical since I haven't had any "traumatic" experiences. I mean what else can explain this madness? Trust I don't wanna crave sex every hour of the damn day I wish I COULD be just happy gettin it on every few weeks or so. "You just got some last week" "SO FUCKING WHAT that was last week we're talking about today now!" Oh hey, why don't I look do Cosmo for some advice, guys give input there right? "I love when a girl texts me first it shows assertiveness and I find that sexy" *throws magazine into the fireplace* BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO booooooooo your advice sucks! Then again why am I talking advice from a sex magazine who featured Dakota Fanning on the cover? I was done with Cosmo a year ago.This is the time where I bang my head mercilessly into the keyboard and roll around the ground like a wounded seal and whine about how unfair this all is. Excuse me.

I'm upset. Fuckkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk.
Miss Sixxxty, your very own freak of the industryy

Hey, Your Mouth Is On My Vag There...

What's up my lovelies. Finals week is here and it feels like summer vacation can't get here soon enough. What that will mean for me (hopefully) is not having to wait until the weekend to accost someone for their peen. In the meantime I guess I should fill you in about stuff.
Sooooooo there's this guy right. And let me just say he gives the most amazing head ever. Half is skill, half is the fact that he really likes the way I taste and I have zero complaints about him. So weird how All this shit even started. We ended up going out one night just as friends until we got drunk. I remember sounding like an idiot saying shit like "OMG I JUST THINK YOU'RE SO CUTE you have a cute face omg it's so cuteee." And he responded back with "Can we make out now?" We did, and then when it was time to leave he asked me if I wanted to smoke with him. Now I was drunk and me + alcohol + weed doesn't mix from past experiences but I said yes anyways. So we're sitting in my car smoking and I can't remember if I told him I couldn't do it drunk or if I was just taking baby hits because then he started to shotgun me (mmmmm). One thing led to another and then he slipped me some tongue. After we stopped kissing I just stared at him before hopping my happy ass in the backseat. It was like habit I was so ashamed lol He looked at me and was like "What are you doin back there?" And I just looked down and said I don't know...then he followed me. We made out a little bit more then he pushed me back and I helped him take my pants off. Thankfully I had stuffed some condoms in the backseat but before I could get to them he spread my legs and dove down head first. At first I was a little in shock like "Is he really doing this AHHHHH oh he's REALLY doing this." I let him work his magical tongue...magic and then I obvi returned the favor. His dick is about average, but sometimes it's not about the size of the boat. SOMETIMES. And I use that very loosely.While I'm giving him head he starts skullfucking me and at this point I'm no longer interested in sucking now it's about trying not to throw up. Being drunk is not the best time to start gagging. Once we finished that he told me to lie on my back and he put my legs on his chest. I'm assuming since he was fucked up too that's why he was fucking me so hard lol. But That's what I like, I like to be able to hear our bodies slapping together. Sue me. I didn't realize how fucked up we were til he stopped to open the door and puke. I didn't know what to do in that situation so I just started nervously rubbing his back. I wasn't sure if I should've even done it but if I was puking I'd want someone to hold my hair and rub my back. But holding my hair is more important if I had to choose. When he pops back in the car I get on all fours and we continue having sex. Overall I was very pleased with his performance. He told me my pussy tasted amazing and that he could eat it every day (shit, don't threaten me with a good time) and I kissed him goodbye then drove off, thinking about the next time I could get him to give me head again. Now when I woke up I knew I had sex the night before. But I looked at my neck and I had a few hickies. No big, because I knew how to get rid of them fast. He hit me up and told me I left big ass hickies and bite marks on him. I didn't even remember biting him. He told me only from the neck down. Well shit I had never heard of this rule! And I don't think my drunk ass would've cared either way. But I made a note to be more gentle in the future.
In all he's a pretty good partner, as he's one of the few who gives me head on the reg. The only thing that fucks it up is he acts stupid sometimes when it comes to his "ex". They aren't together when we go out but the next day they are. I'm like look Idc if you have a girlfriend as long as you wanna continue this. I would sincerely hope I'm not fucking one of those unstable facebook creatures...you know the type. Constantly talking about how thru they are with their significant other, then the next day talking about how in love they are and how they're excited to make it work. I have zero time for the bullshit. I just like people to keep it straight with me, whether you like me or just my vag. And the sad part is it's been 4 months and we still have no straight answer. My take is he just likes to get fucked up and fuck me, and I'm a-ok with it. Whether it's in my backseat or on the edge of the bathroom sink at our friend's house (oop!). D'ahh well as long as he continues eating the P we're good for now.

Sexsomniac is still my clutch tho, despite him saying he's in love (with his gf, not me). But that's neither here nor there. And ohmagoshhhhh y'all guess what (pictuer me saying this with the hella country ass accent that I don't have) for everyone thinking I just like Mexican peen I had some black peen for the first time in a really long time. That sounds horrible...........but when I actually looked at it I haven't had any since like 2011 right before the boobs. So funny everyone thinks I don't like black guys. I do just rarely the ones from where I live. When I think about all the black dudes I've been with the majority of them weren't from here. But the one I had recently was. And that whole situation was just weird but the sex was amazeballs, so I'm trying to spend less time one weird and more time on sex. Speaking of, I STILL have no idea on the proper booty call etiquette post coitus. Someone told me I have to wait at least a week and a half before I hit him up. PFFT fuck all that! Why do I have to pretend like I haven't been thinking about you for the past week when lord knows I wanted to fuck you again right after you wiped me down, and on my way home. And when I woke up the next morning. WHY DO I HAVE TO WAIT. I don't call it desperate I call it greedy. Telling a dude you're a sex addict means nothing these days. And neither does them saying they are one. I had Sexsomniac tell me he wants it all the time, yet we don't have sex every day because he's tired from the gym or whatever bullshit. I actually NEED that shit. multiple times a day if it's good, but I mean hey I'll settle for once a day, maybe even like 3-4 times a week. But NO. I can't have nice things >:(

What the fucking fuck man....
Miss Sixxxty, your very own freak of the industryy 

CLUTCH.

I was having a talk with my bestest male friend in the whole wide world about what needs to be done in order to get my sexual needs met. I asked him why can't I just have sex with someone every day, or at least a few times a week and he tells me because dudes consider that to be boyfriend territory. Well that isn't fucking fair! A lot of the dudes I've slept with would be terrible boyfriends. That's not why I have sex with them. Sometimes they know how to move their asses just right and I can appreciate that! I'm like so what you're saying is I need a boyfriend huh...well I know plenty of people in relationships who LIVE together and still don't have sex all the time. Which I find very weird. So basically he told me I'm literally assed out. Life is so fucking unfair:( I figure the only way I can accomplish this is by having a steady rotation, and I don't wanna do that. I just wanna find someone like me who only wants to have sex all the time. I didn't think it would be that hard to find, ohhhh but it is! I mean if having a boyfriend means I'll get it more often then shit, what choice do I really have (and no, I wouldn't want a boyfriend JUST for sex. I'd actually care for them too. The sex would just be a big ass bonus). In the meantime I'll just count the hairs on my head until the next time I get laid.

Sexsomniac comes in too clutch. I love the fact that we can go out and kick it with our friends, have sex later, and continue kicking it and it isn't weird. He doesn't try to make shit weird around us, but then it's prolly cause the people we hang around with already know we hook up on occasion. He usually comes around right before I'm about to snap and break dishes and whatnot, and for that I'm thankful he keeps me sane. Even when he has a girlfriend he comes in clutch. And maybe if they were a lot nicer and not so damn stuck up I wouldn't let him come in clutch. D'ahh well. So one night he hits me up and I think I was really blown and he tells me to come drive to east jesus nowhere to drink. I think I'll have to pass on this. The next day my brother hits me up and asks if I wanna go to lunch with them. I say sure, but the only catch is I still have to drive to east jesus nowhere to go pick them up. Fuuuuuuuuh. But I haven't seen him in months since he's been on the rag (I.e. been with his punk ass bitch of a gf) and I was like alright. We all spent the day together and we were gonna go to a party that night. Before we went they wanted to stop by Sexsomniac's house to shower and change clothes and whatnot. So I'm just there waiting for them to get ready and whatnot, while they're just doing stupid things boys like to do, and Sexsomniac suggests my brother take a shower first. All I'm thinking is I hope these hoes hurry up I still have to go home and get ready. So once the shower starts running he closes the door and says "You wanna have sex right now?" All I said was "Right now?" and he lifted my leg around him, laid me down and kissed me in one swift motion. You smooth ass bastard you. He starts unbottoning my pants and flips me over on my stomach and I'm like wait...what if he comes in. So he thinks moving in front of the door is a better idea. "Oh great so now he's gonna hit me in the face with the door while my pants are at my ankles". He was like "Let's just go to my mom's room" (Sorry!) and we get a quickie in. I used to be anti quickie, but now not so much. We straighten ourselves out and he asks me if we've ever had sex when he's sober. Not that I can remember. And then he asks why we don't have sex more often. I wanted to slap him. We don't have sex more often because of YOU. It's your fault. I let every dude know after we have a good sesh that I'd like to have sex all the time (I should probably stop saying this) so the ball is always in their court. I hate having to ask for sex because I don't like hearing no whether they're too busy, not in town, have a girlfriend at the moment or just plain ol' don't want to (which is insane). I'm like when you wanna have sex you let ME know. You know this. For the most part I'm always down. Now if you hit me up for sex and I just flat out say no, then I don't fuck with you anymore and you should take the hint then. And not continue to ask 4 years and counting later. If memory serves me correctly he said he's work on it or something.

After we leave his house we go to my house so I can get ready and we go to this party. Now my friend asked me in advance if I was gonna invite this other guy I've had sex with and I'm like no, I'm bringing Sexsomniac. I know not to ruin a good thing by bringing sand to the beach. I am NOT about to choose between my clutch and the best head giver this side of the west coast. There's no way to equally divide my attention between the two where they feel like I only have lustful eyes for them. So she says okay, and then 5 minutes away from her house she texts me "OMG HE'S HERE." HOW THE FUCK DID THIS HAPPEN?! He ended up coming with someone else who was invited and she wasn't gonna turn him away. I'm like fuuuuuuck this is bad. I just had sex like 3 hours ago. Fuck my lifeeeeeeee. We go inside the house and I say what's up to him and give him a hug, then offer to give him some stuff he forgot last time I saw him. On the way outside he tells me he's "officially single", whatever the fuck THAT means (we'll get on that when I post his blog). And I'm like well that's god to know, seeing as to how I didn't say anything to him about sex, a relationship, or his on and off gf at that time. Whatever. I tried to make the night as normal as possible, although I did slip up and ended up sitting in his lap for a little bit, before my senses kicked in and were like "Bitch just what the fuck do you think you're doing?". The night ended drama free, which is what I wanted to begin with and we all went on our merry ways. Although...I was high once again that night and Sexsomniac wanted to leave early but I wasn't ready to go. So I dropped him off and came back, hung out with the dude (he needs a nickname already) just to get kicked out by my friend's drunk ass boyfriend not too long after. The weed was saying go after him, my brain was saying thou shalt not fornicate with two men in less than 24 hours. So I just drove my ass home. Glad that was over.

I said I would only sleep with three new people this year then I would find a boyfriend (keep your judging to yourself. You knew what you were coming to read when you clicked the link) and right now I only have one spot left and it's only fucking April. Something's gotta give. I just wanna be a reformed semi sex addict where I don't NEED it all the damn time. Is that possible? Do I have to go to rehab? Sex addicts anonymous? I really don't wanna have to do all that extra shit...

Miss Sixxxty, your very own freak of the industryy

The Day Dick Drove Me Insane

And I'm not even kidding you right now. Like mental breakdown status. I think I'm mentally unstable lol. But lemme go on ahead and set the scene for you.

So I've been lusting after my old boss for some time now. When he worked at the club I'd flirt with him a little bit, but nothing too serious because he was my boss and I didn't wanna be THAT bitch, and because he had a girlfriend. But then he stopped working there and I would text him and see how he was doing and stuff. And one day he finally got me to admit that I wanted to fuck the shit out of him. Ad he responded by telling me he wanted the same. Yay! Only problem was he lived in east jesus nowhere and he lives with his girlfriend. When I go down to work I don't stay alone so it's not like I could invite him over. What's a girl to do? One time he did ask if he was to invite me over what would I do and I told him don't tempt me, but nothing happened. Finally after all the "I just wanna fuck you/eat you/please you" texts I got fed up. My sexual frustrations were getting the best of me. I confronted him and asked him if I scared him or was too aggressive for him (since that's what I keep hearing). He said maybe, maybe not and I told him all my lusting after him was getting me nowhere. Then it happened.

"Lol it will don't worry. So here's the thing I have a gf now. I still want you nonetheless will that change things for u"

Now before you guys start getting all judgey judgey lemme defend myself for a minute lol. I don't go actively pursuing guys with girlfriends. For the most part I don't even know they exist til further down the line. It just kinda happens that way they seem to be drawn to me. Most of the time if you come at me and I know you have a gf I get immediately turned off and start screen capping texts, just in case. BUT. There are certain exceptions. If I'm just drawn to you and you actively pursue me and I find out you have a gf then I tend to reconsider. Especially if you acknowledge the fact that you have a gf but still want me. Because at that point we have way too much sexual tension between us for me not to do it. But that's rare. And this happens to be one of those rare cases. Shit if you don't care and you're the one in the relationship why should I? But what about the gf? Have you no shame? Well. Yeah that sucks for her. And the roles can easily be reversed. But at the end of the day whether I fuck them or not if a guy wants to cheat he's going to cheat be it with me or anyone else. Now I wouldn't do this to any girl I knew personally, but if I don't know her from a can of paint then....Of course you guys are probably still shaking your head to which I say this is my life not yours you are just reading about it lol. It makes complete sense to me...

Back on topic tho, I told him not really, because in my mind I had already made the decision to fuck him, whether he was gonna give it up willingly or if I was gonna have to take it. We agreed to meet up the next day when he had some free time. I was too juiced. I now know how guys feel when they finally bag that girl that they've been chasing after forever. It feels great! He told me to meet him at 10, and I got to his city at 9:58ish. Not wanting to look overly eager I parked in a 7-11 parking lot, ate my last edible and waited for it to start kicking in before I called him. I texted him good morning around 10:40 and asked him what he was doing and he wasn't even at home! He was getting a hair cut. Guess I took too long. But he was on his way back and told me to meet him at his house. I drove over there and I saw him walking down the street. Now he's like 2 years younger than me but when I saw him he looked like a little boy! I started having second thoughts and I was like bitch stop tryna psych yourself out you've been wanting this for months. I park the car and he meets me at the door. We sat and caught up a little bit, he told me what he'd been up to since he left and I told him everything that was going on at work. Around 11:50ish he asked me how my edibles were making me feel. Told him I felt nice. He asked how do they make sex feel and I said amazing. I was starting to get worried he was gonna chicken out because we hadn't talked about anything sexual since I had been there, except why they call me Tits McGee. He looked at his phone and said "So it's 12 o'clock now. I have a soccer game at 2:30, that gives us about 2 & 1/2 hours. Do you want it?" Idk why but when he asked me if I wanted it it was just a turn on. I nodded my head and he said "Do you want it right now?" Nodded again. He asked if I wanted it in the bedroom or living room and I told him I didn't care as long as he gave it to me. He chose the bedroom and I followed him. I stood in front of the bed and he immediately came up behind me and bent me over the bed. I took my jacket off while he tried to pull my sweats off. I had to untie them first and he just ripped the shit off. I was on my stomach and he started to lick and kiss my butt and I panicked a bit because I wasn't sure if he was trying to eat my ass or eat me from the back. All I know is I'm not about that ass eating life just yet so I rolled over. Oh btw, I vajazzled my vag, dk if he noticed or not, but my rhinestone heart didn't last long at all:( He got down on his knees and spread my legs open and went to town. Now at first he was only licking like the top and I thought "Oh my god he doesn't know what he's doing" but maybe he was just teasing cause he finally went a lil lower and DAYUM. I just kept saying this isn't real. This isn't real! Oh but it was and it was great. He would spread my legs hella far so I didn't have much wiggle room and the only thing I could do was run. Then he dragged me by my legs back to the edge of the bed, got on top and started kissing my neck. Mmmm. He sat up and played with my clit with one hand and started putting on a condom with the other. You nimble man you. He grabbed me by my legs and stuck it in. I'm so mad I was high because I didn't even pay attention to his dick, but regardless it was still good. First my legs were draped over his arms, then he grabbed me by my ankles, then he put my legs together to one side. Yes, yes, yes. Good boy. Then he pushed my legs to the side of the bed so I was in like an L shape, and I wanted him to his from the back so I rolled over onto my knees. I threw it back on him and he was tellin me how good I felt and I was like "I know" and then he took over. He spanked me for a bit and then he would do those damn death strokes. Love those. He turned me back over, went down on me again, and I couldn't do shit but say his name repeatedly. He got back on top and put my legs on his shoulders and just drilled me. He asked if I liked it and I said mmhmm and then he got off and I got back on my knees. The way he was giving it to me was exactly what I needed because I haven't gotten it like that since...October 13th. One thing that did catch me off guard was when he grabbed me by my bra strap and told me to squeeze my P on his dick. That was a first but I did what I was told. When I told him I was about to cum he fucked me harder and every time he thrusted he would say "cum. Cum. CUM." And I liked that lol. He finally pulled out and I couldn't feel my legs. When my mind came back I realized I didn't give him head. While it was dope that he didn't ask or anything I would've liked to have showcased my skills too! It's not every day someone gets a blow job from a bitch with 3 tongue rings. He laid down next to me and told me I was really flexible. I told him I wasn't cause I couldn't bust a full split and then he went on a tangent about the different stages of flexibleness (Flex, flexy, and flexible. His words not mine) and told me I was flexy. Then he started talking about ugly people and I just zoned out. HE got up and got dressed, and I took that as my cue to get dressed too. I was hoping that wasn't he end of the festivities but he hit me with that "Oh, my friends should be on their way soon.....so.....yeah." Lol he said he had to call his gf back too and not to say anything. Well no shit Sherlock! I made sure to go get what was left of my vajazzle out the room and I told him bye and went to my car.

Overall I was happy with his performance. Now I see why he gets so frustrated with the fact his girl won't put out anymore. A guy like that NEEDS to fuck at least 3 times a day. I'd def be happy to oblige him on that. BUT that was the problem. We only had sex one time for like 20 mins/half an hour and already it was time to go. I expected to get fucked at least a couple times while I was there. He was the one saying how he needed it more than one time and how long he could go for. Not to mention it took me an hr to get to his place! (Not a word.). So here I was, happy I just got some good dick but mad I wasn't getting any more. I was telling myself "My life can't be like this! This sucks!!! Why me!?" Why I was talking to myself I have no idea. I was pretty high in an unfamiliar area and I had an hr drive to get back to my friend's house so I started freaking out. I called my friend and immediately started rambling to her. I told her I just fucked my old boss and it was great and I wanted to cry. She asked me why I wanted to cry and then I did and I was like I don't know what's wrong with me!!! Here I am driving down the street high af with this ugly ass cry face stuck on. I know people thought I was crazy. I almost started to say I missed the Antichrist but stopped myself...and I think I went on a tangent about how I deserved to have a good sex life because I was a good person or something to that effect. She would remember better than I did. But that was just sad. Sad sad sad. Like I think I associate good sex with him too much because when I tried to replay what had just happened I found myself saying the Antichrist's name but still picturing El Capitan. Weirrrrrd.

Nonetheless, I still wanted to see him again. But seeing as to he had a gf I decided I wouldn't text him just yet. Therein lies another problem. Should I text him and tell him I liked it? Should I wait for him to text me first? What if he's waiting on me to tell him it was good? And if I do decide to text him first how long do I wait?! It's gonna be tricky tryna guestimate when he's away from her so we can talk about it...but then it could go like that one bitch who after I finally mustered enough courage up to ask for another round told me "Maybe if you play your cards right." And he was single. That shit pissed me off all over again. I came to the conclusion that he only did it that second time to redeem himself for the first misfire. And once he was satisfied with the results he was good. Whatever. But yeah...idk what to do. lol. If I had my way I would've fucked him again the next day but I don't wanna be a buzz. God I just wish I knew what was going on in his head right now. And so far one exception outta three ain't bad. Ugh this is exactly what I DIDN'T want to have happen lol I wanted it to be good but not GREAT. Fuck. Like he told me he was going to eat me and please me and fuck the shit outta me but I didn't take it all that serious. That's not a lil boy that's a grown ass man. Well I guess we'll see what happens.

Miss Sixxxty, your unstable ass freak of the industryy

What Not To Do

Can someone enlighten me on what intimidates men? Or what constitutes as being sexually aggressive? Because I have been told that I'm intimidating and aggressive and that may be why I can't get laid as often as I want. I don't know how the fuck someone figured that out, because when it comes to sex I'm the most submissive person ever. I go with the flow, I rarely take the initiative until you show some type of spark of interest first. So....what gives? There is this guy I went to high school with, I had a baby crush on him sophomore year. He's def attractive, so there's that. Going all the way back to the MySpace days he would hit me up and we'd start TALKING about doing something, but nothing ever came into fruition. Finally the shit started getting on my nerves because I felt he was toying with me like "Watch me get this bitch all fired up for nothing." So I stopped taking him serious. As of late he would hit me up but I never gave it much thought. I ran into him the weekend before Halloween and after that he would steady message me on Fb. He kept saying we should hang out but he was busy during the week when I was free. His only free time was on the weekends when I worked. With it being the holidays I didn't go to work much, so I was around, but when I'd hit him up about hanging out he'd be tired or too fucked up to function. I was starting to get annoyed because history was repeating itself AGAIN. Finally we were both available at the same time and I jumped on the opportunity before he bitched out again. I went over to his place around one, and when I got there I had an edible. He was gonna smoke me out at first but I don't really like blunts, and he had just rolled one, so I let him have that and I enjoyed my baked good. We sat there listening to Frank Ocean's Channel Orange for a bit, then he suggested we hop on YouTube and watch stuff. We watched some random clips, then he asked me if I had ever heard of something called Salad Fingers. I hadn't so he showed methis clip.

What. The. Absolute. FUCK?! This was beyond the creepiest hing I have ever watched, and not to mention the weed didn't make it better. Idk which is worse: The person that watches it or the person that created it. Like wtf is really going on in YOUR mind to come up with some twisted shit like this? But anyways, we got on Netflix and ended up watching Reservoir Dogs, which btw, I didn't think it was as great as everyone made it seem. I thought it was actually kinda boring, except when Mr. Blonde and the hostage had their moment. Towards the end of the movie he mentioned he was getting sleepy, but I didn't know where he was going with that. Sleepy as in you want US to hop in the bed? Or sleepy as in you want me to leave so you can sleep? But we stayed watching tv shows on Netflix. The entire time I was there we sat on either sides of the love seat. He didn't scoot any closer to me, he didn't try to slickly put his arm around me, nada. He didn't move, and neither did I because I didn't know what he was thinking. But what I do know was that shit sucked. Finally he turned to me and said "I think I'm going to go to bed. We can always hang out some other time. Here I'll walk you to your car." I just looked at him and said Ok. He walked me to my car and gave me one of those awkward ass side hugs then went back inside. I was like wtf? Was it me? What did I do? Or not do? I knew I didn't smell bad, and I actually did my makeup and shaved my legs and everything. Don't get me wrong I didn't go over there with the intention that I wanted to fuck him (I mean I wasn't going to because I'm between waxes right now), but at the same time...C'mon bro. I drove to your house at 1 in the morning. I looked cute...like why WOULDN'T you make a pass at me? I felt so unwanted lol. I expect a guy that I'm not close friends with to make a pass at me if we're high and alone and it's early in the morning. Like there should NEVER be an arm's length of space between us after midnight, NEVER. I would've made out with him a bit, straddled him and then some...but seriously? My friend just thinks he was being a little chicken shit and that he didn't know how to handle me...but I'm like handle me like you would any other girl I'm not a damn baby unicorn! Like I heard from a friend that when she hung out with him they got high together, went and got something to eat and when he brought her back to the house he just went down on her outta nowhere. I kinda expected my night to go somewhat similar. But noooooooo, not me! I can never get what I want.

My question to you guys is what is it do you think that I'm doing to scare them off? Lol shit cause I'm all out of ideas. Half the time I got people telling me closed mouths don't get fed, the other half are telling me that's being too aggressive. I'm just a poor old soul who wants what she wants when she wants it. I figure this year I want to get a boyfriend, not for the sole purpose of getting sex whenever I want it, because even that isn't guaranteed, but it would be a big bonus. And I'd obviously enjoy everything else that comes with having a boyfriend (What those things are, I don't know. Cause the closest I ever got to that was the Antichrist, and that was...whew.). Like I'd never be sitting at home wondering "Fuck....I really need some dick...who can give it to me?" I'd just be like "Oh hay sexy boyfrann. My vag wants to give your penis a big ass hug right meow." Or something. And that I wouldn't add any new notches (With the exception of three people) and that if I wanted peen I'd have to either backtrack or hurry up and find me a man. But we'll see how long this shit lasts. As for this dude right here, well, we'll see if he wants to hang out again, and if he does we'll see what happens from there. In the meantime I'm gonna order me a fat ass pizza from Pizza Hut cause I am STARVING.

Miss Sixxxty, your very own aggressive assed freak of the industryy

It Was The Worst Of Times...

If YOU'RE reading this, you know you no longer have any business to keep checking up on me. So if you don't like what I'm saying, tough titty.

I can barely remember what started this whole stupid conversation but all of a sudden it was like a complete 180. Like I just fucked you 6 times tonight AND bought you tacos I think I was on my best behavior! This entire bullshit started because of a comment I made 2 FUCKING FEBRUARIES AGO! Basically his friend told me he was a good guy and needed someone to tie him down. All I said was that I wouldn't mind him being my boyfriend but I don't think he's looking to date me. And the friend randomly brought it up a few days before. And the shit was weighing heavy on him since then or something. I don't know that doesn't sound like a bad comment to me! He starts going on about how he wants me to know this is never going anywhere (nothing too new) but then he decides to tell me WHY. And he gave me a million and one reasons about why I'd be a horrible girlfriend. Mind you I'm high on brownies so I'm barely processing what's going on. Not being able to say what I wanted sucked. But this was how I was feeling.

"Our foundation wasn't strong to begin with, it's unstable"
Okay yeah I know I fucked you when I met you, but honestly I don't thin k neither one of us saw this shit lasting as long as it did. And that shouldn't really mean shit NOW, but whatever.If the foundation was so unstable you know what people in construction do? They START OVER. Yeah I fucked you that night but remember I didn't fuck myself! Fuck the whole "well I'm the guy I'm supposed to try to sleep with you you're not always supposed to let me." You can also keep it in your pants too. That makes you no better in the foundation building process.


"You fuck every guy you meet you have like a constant rotation of guys. I know I read your blog."
Idk why this was even an issue when he has a steady rotation of other bitches he fucks too. Like I can't even count on my hand the number of bitches he fucked when he moved, not to mention he fucked that bitch the weekend I was staying at his house. When I think about the guys I slept with and I think about that bullshit he pulled I think mine was the lesser of the two evils.I never told him to his face about other guys, and I let him know the only reason I still fucked other people was because he wasn't always around. Like wtf do you expect me to do? Be monogamous to someone who clearly isn't being it himself? You're gonna get yours and I'm gonna get mine. And for him to accuse me of sleeping with every guy that shit is laughable because if he knew anything he'd know his dick has made me VERY picky. I refuse to settle for less when it comes to sex. I'd rather have no sex than bad sex, hence the 6 month drought before I met him. But he'll continue to think what he wants.

"How do we tell our grandkids how we met? That's not something we can tell them."
First off, why are you thinking about GRANDKIDS?!?!?! We just skipped our own huh...And the answer is you tell them the truth: I met you thru a mutual friend in the parking lot of liquor king. I don't see a problem with that. Of course you leave the sex out, but when you're talking to kids you leave sex out regardless so....I don't see the issue here.BUT it's apparent to me that you HAVE considered what a future with me would be like. Noted.

"Why would you drive 5 hours to go visit someone? Just to go visit."
OMG. He will NOT let this shit go!!! Idk how many times I have to tell him that I didn't sleep with someone I consider to be a brother. And not "brother" like some of you bitches say where you fuck on the under. Like actual almost blood brother. The idea of even seeing him naked in a sexual manner turns my stomach. But he has it in his head that I already did it, which probably explains why he fucked that bitch in the next room over when I was there. I didn't sleep with him end of discussion.


"I don't know anything about you. You never talk to me."
Only because YOU made me feel that way! I felt like I could never just be like "hey what's up" or anything for fear of getting ignored. Although very low it still feels like a form of rejection to me so I just choose not to do it. The few times early on I did try to invite you to come out with our mutual friends you'd always say no, so I just stopped asking. You don't know anything about me because you CHOOSE not to. Just as easily as I could've talked to you you could've said hi to me too. At least that way I would know it wasn't taboo to hit you up for only sex. And I never talk to you because I felt if I did you would think "Oh, this girl is catching feelings" when that wouldn't be the case all the times. Humans communicate when there's an issue, something we never did until shit hit the fan. We had no regular communication. When you say "I know when you're mad because you get really quiet" you still would'nt ask what was wrong, and I felt we had that emotional disconnect so I come here to vent and say the things I want. Speaking of which:

"Why didn't you stop blogging about me when I asked? Some of the things I read I'm like, 'Oh, this is what she was thinking at that moment?' And some of the stuff you say is kind of hurtful."
 Okay apparently this blog is another roadblock. I did stop blogging about him for a while, usually just a one line mention to let everyone know we were still seeing each other, but there wouldn't be full blogs dedicated to him. But then after a while I thought, damn I have nothing to write about. And how dare someone who isn't my boyfriend ask me to stop doing something I was doing before I met them? If he wanted to be my boyfriend and expressed his dislike for it I would've fully taken it into consideration out of respect for my relationship. But when you tell me you only want a casual hookup then you have no say in what I choose to do in my spare time. And if you guys have been following me a long time you know that 98% of the time everything I have to say about him is nothing short of stellar. The only times I would say "bad" things is when he would start acting stupid. But I've never tried to tear down his character on purpose simply because I like him too much.

"And then you strip every weekend for disgusting ass men. How do you ever expect a man to take you serious?"
There are plenty of guys who are mature and that do. You are the one with the issue. Me dancing was never a problem when I would treat you to lunch was it? If dancing was something that you had trouble with we should've talked about it, and not in a "Oh, if you wanna marry a Mexican you gotta stop dancing." Just tell me YOU don't like it. Smh and to think I was actually considering not doing it anymore so I could be more available for him. Glad I didn't. Once again if you were thinking about dating me and it was an issue then you should've spoken up instead of being all jealous. I dance naked yeah but that's it. I don't meet up with these guys after and fuck them I just fucking dance. But like I said when you say  you only want a casual hookup why should my job even matter? Noted.

"Trying to date you now would just be weird. I can't see myself calling you up and being like 'Hey, lemme take you to dinner'"
Well, that's not my fault. I don't see how us going to dinner is any different than us going to Tito's and hanging out and talking.


"You only use me for sex. You've hit me up for sex before. Like you get so mad when I don't fuck you."
HAH!!!!!!!!!! Isn't that what I'm supposed to be doing? You don't wanna date me so why should I act like I want you for anything else? Sir, The number of times I've asked you for sex over the last two years I can probably count on my hand. They nowhere near add up to the amount you've hit me up for it. How are you gonna tell me "It's just sex" and then get mad at me for only hitting you up when I want sex? Sorry that I like your dick a lot.

"Why haven't you had a boyfriend? I feel like you're holding out for me or something when it's not going to happen."
So because I've never told you "Oh hey I have a boyfriend now we have to stop this" it means I'm holding out for you? Okay. There have been other guys I've actually been interested in dating sans the sex and it just never works out. Why? I don't know but it wasn't because you were in the back of my head. Because why would I choose someone who doesn't want to bring me around his friends over someone who would? That makes no sense.

"I just don't wanna lead you on because I've been hurt before I got cheated on...blah blah blah."
Oh you got cheated on huh? That was around the time I remember you told me you loved another girl. As you sat in my car having a post sex cigarette. Sounds like cheating to me. And why do you care so much about whether you're gonna hurt me or not (even though this entire conversation is killing me). Someone who doesn't have feelings for me wouldn't give two shits. And you think NOW, two years later is a good time to be like "I should probably speak up about my intentions." Cause there is no way in hell I could like you after all this time? Okay. Why does something I said two years ago matter now?! Noted.

"There may have been times when I tried to act all romantic but it just isn't going to work."
That makes no sense. But okay.

"You're just a sex addict like you want sex all the time."
When has this ever been an issue?! Okay yeah, I like having sex a lot but what does that have to do with anything? If you were my boyfriend I'd obviously want to do more than just fuck you all the time. But you aren't. And the sex happens to be amazing. Sorry for wanting to have amazing sex with you all the time.

"Like honestly, I wrote you off the night I met you and you fucked me."
If that was the case, if you wrote me off two years ago why are we still doing this? If you already decided you didn't want to ever be with me then why do you give two shits about whether I only use you for sex or whatever it is you think I do? I mean I'm not an idiot, I wasn't born yesterday. I didn't expect us to get together, get married and start popping out kids in the house with the white picket fence. I never tried to pressure you into making me  your girlfriend. I kinda knew this was only going to be fun sex but you flipped all this shit and made it unfun. It's like knowing there's a dead body in the next room over. You know it's there but you're smart enough not to go open the door and see it. You just keep going on about your business with that dead body in the back of your mind. Well, you fucking kicked down the door and held my eyes open and made me look at it. You don't wanna be with me, fine. But why do you want to have this conversation now?! What the fuck did I do to piss you off that night? He brought up that he thought it was cool that I would listen to him talk about his goals and dreams or whatever may have been on his mind. Yeah, I did that shit because I was genuinely interested and like hearing you talk about things you're passionate about. For you to just genuinely be as hurtful as possible. If you had no feelings for me we shouldn't even be having this conversation.

The night basically ended with me asking him what this means, if he doesn't want to see me anymore. He said no that's not what it means, and that we've had "epic sex" and it's been fun and whatnot. SO. I guess my pussy is the only thing that kept you coming back all these years? That's a warning to the guys I haven't met yet. Watch out for my killa cocaine cooch. You'll be addicted after one dose. I was barely processing what was going on the entire night because I was under the influence of that stupid brownie. He said he just wanted to tell me he doesn't wanna date me and he's sorry that this turned into a big thing. I couldn't even look at him. Half because I didn't want to, half because the tears were stinging my eyes. We've argued before, but this time felt different. I've never cried before but this conversation was hurting me and I couldn't figure why. He asked me to walk to the door with him and I'm thinking for what? After all that shit you think I should still keep doing shit for you, no matter how small. I don't even know what the fuck I was feeling, I just wanted to vanish into nothingness. I went home and cried.
I cried like a little bitch.
I woke up the next morning and decided to go to work. I cried the entire way there.
At work I was a mess. I had a customer ask me how my day was going and I had to look away because I felt my eyes burning and that lump in my throat again.
I feel my eyes burning again as I write this.
What the fuck is wrong with me?
I fell for a very charming asshole with good dick.
Even though he said he didn't wanna stop seeing me I haven't heard from him since.
And that was on October 13th.
I figured I'd give him space, and waited about a month before I reached out to him.
I didn't get a response.
Guess he found someone else though. My friend called me and told me the things she was seeing on his twitter and how a picture of him and his girl was posted 3 days before I hit him up.
I don't allow myself to care much for this very reason. I never check his fb, twitter, instagram or anything because you don't look under a rock and get mad when you find dirt. Still didn't make it any easier.
Here we are in December now and nothing's changed. Every day it gets easier but there are those times when it really sucks.

So from what I've gathered I'm a sex addicted whore of a stripper who wants nothing more in life than to fuck millions of people. Or something to that effect. Noted. My whole take on the night honestly was that he started to catch feelings but since I'm not the "ideal" girlfriend model for him, he basically had to go thru an entire laundry lists of reasons about why it wouldn't work. It sounded like he was trying to convince himself more than he was trying to "inform" and "protect my feelings". Judging me by the shit I do as a single person doesn't reflect the type of person I'd be as a girlfriend. You'll never know what type of girlfriend I'd be unless you gave it a shot. Which you refuse to do. You never know the outcome of anything until you try. But hey, it is what it is. I hope you find what you're looking for.

"That moment when you want them to care as much as you find yourself caring, you then realize that they might not ever! Afraid to move on, leaving a small window of possibility, as you sit near it looking out!"
Miss Sixxxty, your very own freak of the industryy

Random Shit.

 Sorry if this blog doesn't make sense or seeming  hella all over the place. I just need to vent some shit. So there won't be any steamy or funny sex stories but you are free to continue to read into the inner workings of my mind. Lol

Took a mini hiatus but I'm bored so I thought I'd blog. A bunch of shit has been happening and my life low key feels like its in shambles. But whatever. Those wondering about Happenis I think he needed some "Me" time. Or whatever. So for the time being (or maybe forever) he is not around. But enough about that.

Puss In Boots made a random ass appearance. He wanted me to come visit him when I was in town and I did...and everything was...different. I don't know if it's because he's no longer my friends roommate and the bald headed cock blocking ass bitch is no longer a problem or if its something else but it just wasn't fun anymore. Just kinda like...Just get behind me and hurry up. I don't want any eye contact whatsoever. Which is sad because we had fun sex. I even shotgunned a bowl with him and it didn't help. I was more concerned with making it to work on time that night. After that little detour I made it a point not to hit him up anymore or make any out of the way visits. Same with the Gummy Bear Dude. I didn't even make it all the way thru before tapping out. I couldn't do it! And I haven't slept with him since the summer. I'm just so over having to fake it all the fucking time. And I have gotten really good at faking it. Sad. Facial expressions, back arches, breathing, the whole nine. I just wanna be with the one person I never have to fake it with lol. I'm a good person. I deserve good sex in return damnit! It's like every time I step out on a good thing some bad shit goes down and I'm just left scratching my head like whaa..? But at the same time I have no choice BUT to step out. I'm really left with no options. Which sucks. Because I have these awesome pot brownies courtesy of an angel named Kitty that make me extremely horny ad I'd like to not waste them on bogus ass sex. THC just takes mind blowing sex to on the verge of dying of ecstasy sex. I'm over here rationing them like I'm actually about to get good sex lol when it's been over a month now. If anything does happen they'll probably be spoiled by then.
I've had prospects but none that genuinely pique my interest. It feels hopeless. "Oh but there are soooo many other penises in the sea" I know this and a bitch isn't trying to go thru all of them to find one.

Now, there is ONE that I'm interested in tho, the situation is just highly complicated. His name? El Capitan. He was my adorable old boss, but not anymore! I'd always joke with the girls that he'd better not let me catch him in a dark hallway alone, otherwise I'd ambush him. I work in a sexually charged environment so he'd always flirt back with me too. Only problem is, he has a girlfriend. And because of that I never did anything TOO over the top, out of a kind of respect for their "institution". But there was just sooooo much sexual tension between us. Now that he isn't my boss anymore, that was one less issue to worry about. I's still text him every now and then to see how life was after the club and he seemed to be doing just fine. The conversation soon turned sexual (as it always tends to) but this time instead of him asking about my sex life with other people we got into my potential sex life with him. He's known I've been attracted to him for the longest and he hits me up with the ol' "Well why didn't you speak up sooner? cause maybe I wanted you too..." I reminded him he had a girlfriend and it wasn't really my place to be telling him and he was just like so..? Apparently he's in a "cookie drought" and he was telling me all the things he wanted to do to me if we were to ever be alone together. SCORE. Is it bad that I still want to sleep with him knowing he has a girlfriend? Yes. Do I care? No. Why should I? If he's the one that's supposed to be in love and he doesn't, I won't either. He's the one who has to live with the fuck up, not me. Anyways towards the end of the convo his answers became really short and I figured he was starting to bitch out. WTFAAAAAAACK.
I'm really picky when it comes to cheating. Me being the SINGLE person I am it doesn't bother me too much because I am single and will do whatever the fuck I please. The one thing I DON'T like is when a dude will lie about being in a relationship and I find out. Because you didn't give me the option as to whether I wanted to go thru with it. I'd like to know ahead of time so I can be like "Hmm...is it gonna be worth it (to me)?" There are also the dudes that I barely know exist but I know about their relationships and they try to be sneaky by being in my DM or FB inbox. That shit just works my everlasting nerves. I know this probably makes no sense to you but in my head it makes perfect sense. I think the problem with that is because I don't know them, I have no sexual tension with them and I probably don't even find them attractive. Which makes it not okay in my box. Stay with me here. A lot of those guys are lucky I'm not too much into childish behavior or I'd be screenshotting the fuck out their ain't shit asses. Just don't come at me wrong on the wrong day tho. You have been warned.
But back to El Capitan that shit just pissed me off because I told him at the beginning I didn't want to admit to anything because it wouldn't make a difference since he had a girl. But he insisted with the dirty talk so I just followed suit. I don't know what happened at the end of the convo but it sounded to me like he was getting guilty already and I haven't even seen him in person in weeks. I hate people that get guilty on me. Either you're gonna go thru with it or you're not but don't bitch out half way thru. Just a waste of unlimited text messages. One of my coworkers thinks he's just gonna wait for the right moment when he's alone to finish what he started but I'm not so sure. We shall see I guess.

At work this gorgeous Armenian lady with nice boobs came in and got a lap dance from me. She told me she'd never cheat on her husband but that she would just LOVE to be with a girl. And I almost let her take me home. Almost. Boy, what a blog that would've been.

Idk if I'm just lonely r if it's because cuffing season is in full effect out here, but sleeping alone sucks. I like having a body next to me, even if there isn't any sex or cuddling involved. Ah hell.

I have a lot more to write about, but I'm just gonna wait it out before I say anything stupid. Ha, Happenis stole my happy and my penis. How funny.
Miss Sixxxty, your very own freak of the industryy

Shit Happenis Says

Hayy y'all. It's now been two years since I first started banging the fuck out of Happenis...or rather he's been banging the shit out of me. Thru all the good sex and bad sex, trivial fights and even ER visits, we still manage to keep things going. And since he's usually drunk he's usually spewing out the most ridiculous comments. And I figure I'd share them with you:)

"I feel like you're waling around with 15 of my kids inside you" (words after sex)

"See? I have personality. There's more to me than just my big cock."

Me: Are you hungry?
Him: Yeah, if robertitos and my cock are on your mind

Him: Are you mad at me?
Me: no. (yes)
Him: your a bitch.
Me: why because I'm irritated?!?!
*Couple hours later*
Him: Are you done being mad?
Me: Depends...am I still a bitch?
Him: Nope.
Me: then no.
Him: kk come over

Him: wanna?
Me: aaaaaaahhh!!! I'm on the road!
Him: how far
Me: mmm like an hour
Him: Nvm
*throws phone across car*
*an hour later*
Him: kk come get me

A normal convo between us:
Him: fix?
Me: yeah.
Him: come
Me:omw
Him: kk
Me: outside
Him: kk

*First ER visit*
Me: You ripped me a new one.
Him: Oops. weird lol

Me: yes and kinda painful lol

Him: Welcome lol

Me: I had to explain it to 6 different people last night

Him: "I was getting beasted and couldn't handle it. *sigh*"

Me: oh whateverrrrr that was all you lol

Him: I beasted you

Me: No you stabbed me lol

Him: BEASTMODE

Me: cheap shot

Him: KILLER INSTINCTS

Me: Killer instincts my ass

Him: Man if pole dancing's a art you know how many fucking artists I know?
Me: one
Him: one

Him: bomb pussy. no babies!
Me: thank you. bomb dick.
Him: I mean it! No babies.

"You piss me off a thousand times a month, I swear. But I still fucking love you."

*waves fingers in my face*
Him: My fingers were in you. This is what you smell like
*blows air in his face*
Me: That's what YOU smell like.

"You want my cock soooo bad....it's gonna cost you though. I don't do any black friday deals"

"Sorry if your pussy is sore. No fucking babies"

Him: Where are you going?
Me: To clean up the mess you made. I'm messy.
Him: you really need to stop peeing on yourself.
Me: shut. up. 

"I don't want you to think I'm saying this just because you write about me or because I'm coming down from being drunk, but your blog is really good, you're good at writing and telling a story."

Him: Just grab it
Me: No! I'm not gonna get you hard. I'm driving! And you're not about to attack me.
Him: I won't get hard and you only have to shift until you get into what, like 3rd gear? Just touch it. I won't get hard.
*grabs it*
Me: I thought you said you weren't gonna get hard!
Him: I mean you ARE touching my dick what did you expect?

Him: I think I came inside you
Me: what else is new?
Him: what do you mean?
Me: lol you do it all the time!
Him: dude stand up I don't want you having my babies
Me: lol then start pulling out
Him: how am I supposed to and you're laying there screaming my name telling me not to stop?

"You gotta understand from a guy's point of view though. Sending a girl to the ER cause she couldn't handle it is hilarious. I'm not gonna be like 'Oh, are you alright? Is your pussy okay?' I'm gonna laugh."

"You get so mad when I don't fuck you for 2 hours. Guess I've just set the standard too high for myself."

"Sometimes I just get into beast mode and fuck for four hours. I remember I fucked you for like three and you started complaining about your pussy hurting. It wasn't THAT bad."

"I don't want you having my babies ok, but if we had kids they'd have big dicks and big asses"

"You're welcome"

*during sex*
"Oh you called other guys tonight before you called me huh? You tryna see other guys? Go ahead answer it. Pick that shit up" 

"Look. I have a hundred dollar bill in my room. I'm gonna go to the bank and cash it for singles. Then the next time we fuck while I'm fucking you doggy style I'm gonna be slapping your ass and I'm gonna make it rain on your back saying 'Alright alright alright you gon learn today'. And we're gonna get it all on camera"

Him: What. The. Fuck. Is. THAT.
Me: Whaaaaat? What what?
Him: Are you on your fucking period dude?
Me: What? No I don't even get a period I'm on the shot *grabs fingers* you don't even have blood on your fingers what are you talking about?
Him: What is THAT *tugs on string* feels like a tampon are you wearing a tampon?!
Me: Oh god yeah I forgot that was there................
Him: Why are you wearing a tampon?!
Me: It's complicated!!
Him: You seriously just made my boner disappear.

*hacks my facebook*
"My vagina feels amazing"
"Hello my name is 'Loves Happenis's cock: )"

It's never a dull moment with this dude. One time we recorded us in my backseat and when we went to get tacos he just starts watching it while we're in line. -_______-. But he's pretty dope in the sack if I do say so myself so...yeah. Lol.

Dick so good - give up your facebook password, tell all your high school jump offs to stop calling you (seriously this time), cooking sunday style dinners on wednesday just cause that's "y'all" day to chill, and let him hit right after leaving the salon! -Anonymous
Miss Sixxxty, your very own freak of the industryyy

Best I Ever Had.

Alrighty babes and gents if you follow me on twitter you may remember me tweeting something about shirtless LA dudes and cold weather and the best fucking head I've ever received in my life. And even if you didn't time to elaborate.

One night at work it was really slow so I hung out in the dressing room most of the night. Something told me to come out of the dressing room during the arm wrestling contest. They hold them between customers to boost crowd participation and give away the cheapest porns you've ever seen in your life.As I stood in the doorway I saw the most beautiful shirtless man I had ever seen. His back muscles were absolutely gorg. Then I prayed his face wasn't ugly and thank God he was gorg too. And his pecs...*drools* he was just AMAZING. I was walking around naked at the time so I bum rushed the stage, grabbed his man boobs, and stole his shirt. Cause I didn't want him to put it on. Lol. I chatted with him for most of the night, and I honestly don't remember half the shit he was saying except his name and the fact he's originally from Arizona. All I was thinking was "Just cause we're naked and he's shirtless we aren't going to straddle him. Yet". Like it took every ounce of will power in me to not try to fuck the shit out of him right then and there. I gave him my number, and made sure not to accept any cash from him. So then he technically wouldn't be a customer. I texted him when the weekend was over and we made plans to hang out the next time I was in LA.
I hit him up on friday to let him know I'd be in town for the weekend. I didn't hear back from him until the next day and he told me that he and his friends were going out that night and I should join them. As much as I would've loved to I had to be at work that night until 6am. Throughout the night he was telling me how his night was going, and then he said they were having a bbq later that day and I should join. "Unless you wanna come hang out after work;)" Why didn't my dumb ass pick the bbq I SHOULD HAVE PICKED THE FUCKING BBQ!!!!!!!!!! I told him not to play with me, because I actually would go to his house after work. It was just like a :you won't" back and forth and I didn't think we'd actually SEE each other. I expected him to pass out drunk and not to see him til later that day. He actually hit me up right before I felt work and asked me if I was still coming. Fuck. Say no. Bitch say no!!! "yeah I just gotta know where I'm going." *face palm*. NO!!!!! Bitch why?!?!?!?!?!?! All my coworkers were like "Don't fuck him. Just make out with him." I told them I wouldn't fuck him and I would just make out with him and MAYBE let him dry hump me. Bad idea.I drove all the way to the coast. At 6am. Knowing exactly why I was going there. I get to his house, and it's actually pretty dope. It's right near the beach and whatnot. He led me to his room, and it was the kind you have to step down into. I excused myself to the bathroom so I wouldn't have a repeat of the tampon incident. And I went back to his room. We watched some weird ass "scary" movie which was basically me watching it while he drifted in and out of sleep When the movie was over he asked me about my piercings, and I showed them to him, and he seemed especially fascinated with my three tongue rings. That's all he kept talking about. He mentioned he used to have his tongue pierced then a stupid ex girlfriend brainwashed him and convinced him to take it out. I proceeded to voice my disgust for his ex after that lol. Then he sat up on his knees, stared at me for a minute, then said "I need to know what those tongue rings feel like. Can I kiss you?" Of course stupid, you don't have to ask! And this was the beginning of the end.
He is just an amazing fucking kisser. He doesn't suck on my bottom lip too hard. And did I mention he was shirtless? And beautiful? and his eyes are this light brown that just....gaaaaaaaaah. Then he would kiss my neck, back up to my mouth and my brain was just mush. And for some reason every now and then I would smile and laugh while we made out. And I have no idea why. Then He licked down my neck, to my boobs and I just remember telling my self "no sex, no sex, no sex" and before I knew it he pushed up my tank top and just started licking my stomach up and down. I felt my leg twitch and I was like no just hold out a lil longer! He licked down my stomach and past my belly button, and then he threw my leg on his shoulder and started licking the ninja kitty. Over the yoga pants. And I wanted him to strip me down so bad. But he wouldn't! After a while he slipped my pants off, but did the same thing, this time over my thong. I just wanted to punch him in the skull for teasing me like this.  Finally everything came off and I fucking LIVED. I purely hated that man's existence and loved him at the same time. That is a grown ass man for you. And fuck his roommates for being in their home while I was there. because I literally wanted to scream my head off. It was THAT good. Lick, suck, nibble repeat. I hate the word clit but he would circle mine with his tongue and it would send chills up my spine, then I would start to run. He hooked both his big ol' muscular biceps around my thighs so I couldn't go anywhere, I just had to lay there and enjoy it. God I hate him. I hate him!!!!! I wasn't supposed to have sex but after that performance I felt I had no choice BUT to. He was down there for a while and just when I thought I couldn't take anymore he came up for air, kissed me then rolled onto his back and I attempted to return the favor. Now, this dude is low key hairy, I don't know his ethnicity, but he shaves where it counts. He shaves his chest and lets only a lil bit grow back and it looks sexy af, and he manscapes. That's all that matters in that regard. His dick is girthy, but wasn't very long:/ whatever his tongue makes up for that. I started off fine it wasn't until he told me to bring my ass to him when I failed miserably. We started 69 but then it ended more like him eating me out and me just giving him a half ass hand job because I was thoroughly enjoying myself. I got off his face and crawled to his dick and I sat on it. I rode him for a little bit then he put his arms around my back and said "You ready?" And he flipped me over on my back without sliding out. I laid on my back and I waited for him to get ready. He put my legs on his shoulders and went to semi work. I only say that because I'm used to rough hard fucking and idk if he was being kinda gentle cause his roommates were home or he thought that's what I wanted. But he moved my legs off his shoulders, bent down and sucked on my neck while he was thrusting. Hey sir? I think I love you. He sat back up and turned me on my side while he sat straight up. He has a big ass mirror by his bed so I just watched us while he was all focused on my ass. I moved my leg higher up so we would almost be in doggy and he told me that was the kill position and not to move. Okie doke. He still got behind me and did it anyways, then ta-daaaa. It was done. I didn't care cause he was beautiful and his head was amazing. So I laid on my stomach, and he just starts kissing my neck again, licking from my neck all the way down my back til he got right to the top of my crack. And sorry I can't think of a sexier word than crack. But Whenever he got to about the middle of my back I got the chills again, and he kept doing it and I felt myself getting wet again. Then before I knew it he yelled "SURPRISE!" And rammed it back in. Weeeeeeeeeee round two! So while I'm on my stomach with my ass arched into him he asks me if he can have some of my AriZona (how funny. A guy from Arizona drinking an AriZona.) so he's got one hand on the small of my back controlling my ass and the other he's drinking my green tea. So funny to check out in the mirror.
We had sex twice that day, took a nap, then he told me I could stay for the bbq later that day. I really needed to take a shower tho so instead I went back to my friend's house. Then after that he started acting all sketch. All I wanted to do was fuck him every time I came to LA and he had to start acting all gay and shit. He worked in tv production and had to be awake at like 5 every morning to beat morning traffic on his commutes so I would text him every now and then just to say hey, and then on the weekends just to let him know I'd be down there. It was one excuse after another. "This week at work was real brutal. I'm exhausted." "I'm getting sick" "I''m sick" after the third weekend I got annoyed and didn't hit him up after that. I felt if he really was sick he would hit me up when he got better. he hit me up like two weeks later to say he was feeling better, that he took a mini vaycay to Arizona to visit family and friends and that he would be back in LA monday night. He asked me how I had been and I told him "Sexually frustrated". He laughed at me, even though I wasn't joking. HE was the one who said "Well maybe when I get back to LA I can help you out with that;)". HE said it. I didn't even ask for it. So I sent him a picture and he was talking about how he wished he was back in LA and unfortunately I wouldn't be able to see him til next weekend. Now I haven't had sex in God knows when, and I decided to go all out this weekend. I shaved EVERYTHING, did my hair, picked out a cute outfit to see him in in case we went out for drinks or something, the whole nine. Texted him when I was on my way to LA, no response. Texted him the next night to see what he was up to, no answer. DUDE WTF?!?!?! Why would you tell me you're basically going to fuck me then just ignore me?!?!?!? I would've rather you had said no and I could've gone on about my merry way instead of planning my entire weekend around you. You don't need to blow smoke up my ass. If you're being a passive aggressive little pussy, then stop. Just say hey it was a one night thing I'll chalk it up as a loss and go on about my business. Stop tryna string me along. Like don't tell me you're gonna help me with my "problem" when you clearly aren't. If I don't wanna fuck you I'll make sure you know it so there isn't a question of doubt. I hate that his head was absolutely life changing cause now I'm spoiled. That's all I really wanted from him anyways. The sex was fun but ti wasn't AMAZING. I'd rather make out with him and give each other oral.

*SIDEBAR: I think 69 is a completely pointless position if one person is good at giving head. If the head is mediocre I can focus more on giving you head, which is good for you, but then I'd rather just give you head and you enjoy it. Now if you're amazing at it, then I can't focus on blowing you and I should just save us the trouble and sit on your face. So you don't think I suck at suckling dick. I'm really good when I can focus and don't have someone raping my clit with their tongue and pulverizing my g-spot with their fingers.

He knows the value of foreplay because he is a grown ass man. Don't know his age, think he's like 24+. But I've never had anyone focus on foreplay like that. I keep trying to tell guys not to underestimate the power of foreplay. Sure you may find it boring, but this isn't about you it's about pleasing your lady. But w/e. So once again I'm going back to ignoring this cunt. Yes, CUNT. Because that's exactly what hes acting like. Ol' bitch. My problem isn't that he isn't trying to fuck me again or whatever, my problem is he won't man up and just say so. If he did at least I'd know what it was. Whatever. I'll just sit here and twiddle my thumbs while I wait to get laid.

But I'd feel real stupid if he dropped his phone in the ocean and lost all his numbers. That's still an option right?
Miss Sixxxty, your very own freak of the industryy

The Wait Is Over!!!

Yes!!!!!!!!!! After 6 long ass months of terrible sex............
HAPPENIS HAS RETURNED.
Look at God! But it wasn't all rainbows and sausages. No it wouldn't be right unless he threw a monkey wrench in my plans. So of course he hits me up when I'm at work 5 million miles away. And I swore to myself as soon as I came back home I was gonna take 6 months of frustration out on him. I think I ended up seeing him on a Tuesday night...I got to his house around 2:47ish, magnums in hand wearing the biggest smile ever. We walk to his room and he tells me "You're like a kid in a candy shop right now huh?" I was like how about you just stop talking and give me what I came here for. We get naked and I laid on my back ready for it. He puts the condom on and we literally have sex for like two minutes before he pulls out and tells me the MAGNUM condom I brought him was "too tight"...ol' girthy ass bastard. So I had to run out to the car - naked, mind you - grab some more and navigate his suuuper packed dark ass garage. I walked back into his room and he's just standing there in all his naked glory, dick pointing north like a compass. I couldn't help but smile again. This time I turned around so he could hit from he back and he's just slapping his dick on my ass laughing and he asked me if I was gonna blog about this. I asked him why he was even reading my blog since we haven't fucked in about 6 months.

"You know what I don't even wanna talk about this anymore it's making my dick soft."

Uh huh...but you brought it up. LOL anyways, he was kinda fumbling to get the condom on, and n the meantime I was like what should I do? I feel when it takes a guy too long to get the condom on it's kinda awkward. Like do I just lay there? Do I grab his balls? Do I roll onto my stomach and not make eye contact? WTF am I supposed to do?! He finally gets it on, slides in, and next thing I know, it's OVER. He said "You're already about to make me cum" and I pushed him away screaming "NO!!!!! STOP MOVING!!" but by the time I pushed him away it was too late. That NEVER happens!!! I couldn't do anything but punch him in the chest and get dressed. I told you guys his alcohol = his viagra. And if that means we can only have sex when he's drunk I'm absolutely fine with that. Cause that shit right there? Nah....I got back into my car at 3:04.
I took it upon myself to redo that night and act like that shit never happened. I planned on taking the following WEEKEND off from work to get thoroughly fucked. House to myself it was perfect.

FRIDAY NIGHT/SATURDAY MORNING
We usually have this booty call window between like 1-4 am when we can get it in, usually later when he's ending his night. I spent damn near 100 bucks on lingerie (corset, fishnets, the whole 9) my hair and makeup was done, everything. I was just sitting, waiting, in my full outfit for nothing basically. By 3:30 I was pissed because it was getting late, I basically wasted a night of makeup. I was starting to feel unappreciated and like clockwork he hit me up at 3:57. Drove over to where he was and instead of getting into the front seat he gets into the back. I'm like WTF?! Do you not see what I'm wearing?! You can't take in my sexiness in my backseat!!! So I got back there and tried to act fake mad when he shoved me between the front seats. I wasn't moaning or anything. Idk if he noticed or not, but he grabbed me and put me on my back. After he got on top it was like like bitch who are you fooling...just take the dick and enjoy it. So I did. I had to take off the corset tho...hurt too much to have sex in it in the car especially. While he was hitting from the back my phone went off and he was like "Oh you called other guys tonight before you called me huh? You tryna see other guys? Go ahead answer it. Pick that shit up" and I was just like "its not importaaaaaaaaaant. It's not important OH GOD" The entire time he's hitting me with those deep ass death strokes. I swear we come up with the weirdest positions in the backseat.

-both his feet on either head rest, me standing out the sunroof
-shoved between the front seats with my feet on the back seats while he stands straight up out the sunroof
-car door open with me on my side one hand on the ground while he's on top
-feet on the seat, hands around his neck while he takes over
-back on the front seat, legs on either side of him, holding on to the sun roof for leverage

He sat down and I rode him reverse cowgirl while I stuck out the sunroof. Every time I slowed down he'd yell at me like "Oh is that all you got? *slap* no you stick it in if you want it *slap, slap* Don't slow down you keep going" Yeah, yeah, keep it up. Me likey. We ended up out the car in this strange ass neighborhood with dogs walking around and shit, cars driving by, sun coming up...on my hands and knees he pushed my back down and grabbed my arms behind me like reigns. My face was damn near in the gutter but I didn't care because THAT'S what I had been waiting for for the last 6 months. He was asking me how much did I miss his dick (a lot) and how long I waited for him (Forfuckingever). It was what I wanted: choking, hair pulling, ass slapping, deep strokes...He pulled out and came on my ass, slapped my ass and said "You're welcome". Smug ass lol. I went to the trunk to get my towel so he could wipe me down, then I noticed sometime during the course of our fucking he threw my glasses out the window! And he claims he doesn't even remember doing it. But that didn't matter because it was time for tacos. On the way he acknowledged he likes to drunkenly confess his love for me, so at least I know he might mean it a little, but to take it with a grain of salt.
Anyways we were talking about work and he tells me

"Look. I have a hundred dollar bill in my room. I'm gonna go to the bank and cash it for singles. Then the next time we fuck while I'm fucking you doggy style I'm gonna be slapping your ass and I'm gonna make it rain on your back saying 'Alright alright alright you gon learn today'. And we're gonna get it all on camera"

Sounds amazing right? I had to call him out on his bullshit tho. We just went back and forth with our "uh huhs" & "nu uhs" and he decided to make it a bet. If he actually did it we'd have a threesome. If he didn't, well I still got my dick so who cares. So this was all supposed to take place that night. Dropped him off, and drove home. By now, the sun was up, and the yard sale crowd was up. And or course the night that I don't wear pants my neighbors just HAD to have a damn yardsale. I don't even think I had shoes on. I snatched my silky robe and wrapped it around my waist and prayed my parents were still sleep because how the fuck would I explain why I look like a freshly fucked burlesque dancer? Fortunately I slipped in unnoticed and knocked the fuck out.

SATURDAY NIGHT/SUNDAY MORNING
Now the chick in question basically looks like the hotter version of me and she happens to be my friend so I felt some type of way about having a threesome with her. But I felt like he wouldn't hold up his part of the agreement anyways. Once again 3:30ish am comes around and he's like "its time". I picked him up from the taco shop and  we ended up going back to his house because my parents never left. He turned off the lights and he actually put on music without me having to ask him! He got naked, laid on the bed and I sat on top of him. He licked my nipples and he was asking me why I got my boobs so big. I was like what, you don't like them? He's like nope they're fine...kept on squeezing and licking. He slowly slid in and placed my hands on the wall. The faster he went the less leverage I had so I put my hands back on his chest. "No you put your fucking hands back on the wall" Whatever you say sir. At one point my head was hanging off the edge of the bed and I had one leg around his waist and the other on his shoulder and he was asking me if I was gonna tell my friends about this. Yes, but not how you want me to. LOL. Then he flipped me over like a krabby patty and placed his hands on the small of my back so that the only time I could breathe was when he thrusted. Made me sounds like a damn gorilla *GRUNT, GRUNT, GRUNT, FUUUUUUCK, GRUNT* Everything was kind of a pleasurable blur. Next thing I knew he pushed me away, said "gimme that face* and I sucked him while he finished. Pretty sure I had more ON my face than in my mouth, but whatever. I wiped some off with my hands and was like LOOK!!! Then I licked it off and he laid on the bed. So I climbed back on top and we sat there listening to music, he was looking thru my phone at my pictures, asking me who would be calling me at 5 in the morning (from the night before). Then every time I tried to answer he'd slap me on the ass. Finally I just pinned him down cause it was starting to hurt lol. Then we passed out.

JUST TO BE AWAKEN by his punk ass friend (the one we had the "threesome" with) and some bitch like 2 1/2 hours later. And he wonders why I don't like him. What a terrible fucking way to end such a perfect night. Like I know they saw me laying there. When you see your friend has company you fucking say sorry and remove yourself from the room. Not these rude ass bitches. Needless to say I was NOT happy. The girl's excuse was that they called before they came. But his phone was dead so he didn't answer. Him not answering does not give you the fucking right to barge into his room!!! I went back home, said good morning to my mother, walked by a mirror, saw dried cum on my chin. FAIL.
But I must say, for taking off the entire weekend, it was def fucking worth it.

Next up: The return of Puss In Boots.
Miss Sixxxty, your very own freak of the idustryyy

WTF Am I Even Doing...

I no longer know what the fuck I'm doing with my life.
Every time I wanna do something special it falls thru.
Every time I go that extra mile it goes unnoticed.
Every time I wanna see you I get ignored.

This fucking sucks. I need a boyfriend. Asap.
One that will kiss my legs. And cook me scrambled eggs lol.
And I will fuck him blind. And feed him sammitches and gatorade.
Fair enough. At least I think.

Time to peel off the war paint.
Miss Sixxxty, your very own freak of the industryyy (and stop reading my blogs sir)

I Need An Adam Sackler.

One night I stumbled upon HBO's Girls OnDemand. And I fell in love after the first episode. The season finale? They played my ratchet girl anthem "Yankin'" by Lady. At a WEDDING. I especially fell in love with title character Hannah Horvath's (Lena Dunham) love interest Adam Sackler (Adam Driver). He is like Happenis reincarnate. The guy I kinda wish he was. But isn't. Oh well. But he's like perfect. I'm still mad I have yet to see his dick but I've seen her dad's old ass balls...It would suck if I'm fantasizing about this man and he has a peepee...He's a nymphomaniac and an alcoholic (I could do without the latter but I'm not judging). He says random hilarious shit whenever him and Hannah have sex, which reminds me so much of HIM. And the gay part is after complaining about her "boyfriend" in her head not appreciating her she actually gets the guy! And the ungrateful bitch just backs down! As if he was merely a plot in her book. I would fucking KILL to be in her position as much as I hate to admit it. And I hate to admit that I'm in love with a fucking television character:( He is far from perfect which makes him so perfect. I don't want the McDreamy, who knows all the right things to say, who wants to make tender love to me all the time. I need the Adam, who will cuss right back at me, who will argue with me, and who will pee on me in the shower (and I would actually find it funny). I want him to call me "Kid" instead of "babe". I need a weirdo type romance.I want to role play weirdo situations, like scolding him as I watch him jack off in front of me. I don't want the fairy tale story book romance. I need THIS. I wish he was a real person. I'd go find him and tie him to the bed for three days just cause I feel like it. It seems they always end their conversations with "Alright let's go fuck". I want that!!!! And now that the season ended with Adam seemingly breaking up with Hannah (the weirdo in me wants him to be single; the sane part knows if that happens he may not be on the show much longer). Like before Hannah left one day he grabbed her face and was like "Quit tryna kiss me, don't kiss me...d'aaaaaah okay" and kissed her. It was cute. HE is cute. She can yell at him and pour out her heart and all he wants to do is fuck her because her yelling was turning him on. I am a fucking loon.

Which brings me to wonder: Can long term booty calls lead to long term relationships? Adam and Hannah were fucking for 6 months and finally her whining made something happen. And they seemed pretty happy. If you've been fucking the same person for a year plus, what's stopping you from being with them? You obviously like them enough to keep coming back a year later. You're both (hopefully) single. You have fun when you guys hang out and do other things besides have sex. If she can cook, keep a clean house, is good with kids, and has shown you that she is just an overall good woman, then what is truly stopping you? I feel like you can't let the fact that she fucked you on the first night so long ago or that this was strictly supposed to be casual stop you from trying. There's nothing worse than asking yourself what if. You could have been going through a string of failed relationships over the course of your "fucklationship" with the other girl, looking for that perfect girl, when she may have been under your nose the entire time. And if during that time you have yet to have a successful relationship, there really can't be any harm in just trying right? Worst case scenario it doesn't work out, and you guys can break up. And it's finished.
All I'm saying is, if you have a legit reason, then fine. But if the only thing stopping you a year later is "She fucked me on the first night" then you're stupid. And you might as well give it a go. Shit.

But anyways in order to understand why I love Adam so much you would have had to have watched the show. For those who haven't seen it, I sat thru 5 hours of reruns just to give you my favorite Adam-isms. In order.

"It gives me the freedom that I don't have to be anyone's slave. You should never be anyone's FUCKING slave. Except mine."

Adam: Lay on your stomach...grab your legs.Okay this is good. I'm gonna go get some lube...When I get back I want you in the exact same position. Just with the rest of the shit off.
Hannah: Will you get a condom?
Adam: I'lllllllllll...consider it!


Adam: Yeah you like that?
Hannah: I like it. I like everything you're doing.
Adam: I knew when I found you you wanted it this way
Hannah: Found me where?
Adam: In the street. Walking alone.
Hannah: We didn't met in the street we met at a party. Oh i got it- the street yeah walking the street.
Adam: You were a junkie. You were only 11. And you had your fucking cabbage patch lunch box
Hannah: Yeah and I was really scared when I saw you.
Adam: Fuck. You're a dirty little whore and I'm gonna send you home to your parent's covered in cum.
Hannah: Oh don't do that they're gonna be so angry.
Adam: Where do you want me to cum? face? pretty little tits? tummy? touch yourself!
Hannah: Where?
Adam: You know fucking where. From now on you have to ask my permission when you wanna cum. If you're touching yourself and you think you're gonna cum you better fucking call me first.
*post orgasm* You want a gatorade? 
(sounds like something I'd do. I wanna do this)


Hannah: What do you normally do?
Adam: I do......what I'm told....*grunt, grunt, pant, pant, thrust*


Hannah: We always use condoms.
Adam: Do we?
Hannah: Yeah. We used one last night.
Adam: Oh yeah, I guess we do. That's probably why it takes me 25 years to nut whenever I have sex with you.
(reminds me of the "I think you have a million of my kids swimming inside you right now" convo)

"Ooooooh you look awesome. Come the fuck upstairs. But wait. I have to warn you about something. If you come up here I'm gonna tie you up to my bed for at least three days cause I'm just in that kinda mood" (do it!!)


"These things (Fwb) have an expiration date. Six months, or until someone stops having fun...It's a bummer, but people do outgrow each other." ( :/ )


"Does it turn you on...to watch me touch my own cock?"


"Okay kid will do, I miss you. I wish you were here right now. I saw your name earlier on my phone and I was like where the fuck is that girl...I wish she was here right now..."


"You don't wanna know me. You wanna come over in the night and have me fuck the dog shit out of you and then you wanna leave and write about it in your diary. You don't wanna know me." (!!!!!!!!)


“Look kid, I don’t know what you want from me. Do you want me to be your boyfriend? Is that it?! Do you want me to be your fucking boyfriend?!” (yes. yes I do.)



Hannah: If you don't like ice cream what do you like?
Adam: I like you.


"I promised myself that I would follow my gut. No matter what. And I do what makes me feel good"


 "Yo skank where you at? Getting that pussy pounded? (it's my sister)"


"Don't waste time on guilt, Hannah. Holding onto toxic relationships is what keeps us from growing. You're blooming every time you shed a layer. Even closer to yourself."


"Jesus kid, save your strength. We're in it for the long haul."


“If you wanna fuck me from behind, at least put my hair back.”


Adam: You love yourself so much so why is it so crazy that someone else would too?
Hannah: I don’t love myself.
Adam: You’re the fucking worst. You know that? Because you think you’re not pretty. And you’re not a good writer. And you’re not a good friend. Well, you are pretty. And you are a good writer. And you are a good friend.
Hannah: Well thank you.
Adam: Is this the game? You chase me like I’m the fucking Beatles for six months and then I finally get comfortable and you shrug? What the FUCK is wrong with you?!
Hannah: I’m scared okay? I’m really scared all the time. I’m like very scared all the time.
Adam: Join the fucking club.
Hannah: No. Because I’m more scared than most people are when they say that they’re scared. I’m like the most scared person who’s alive.
Adam: Well you don’t have the right to be. I told you once I really commit to something I really fucking commit! You asked for this. And now your being a fucking bitch.
Hannah: Adam, come on. OK. you’re scared. I’m looking at you, I know your scared. You’re acting like you’re not but you are. I know you now we’ve been doing this for a while, I know you now.
Adam: Stop! Stop! You don’t know me! You don’t know shit about me!
Hannah: Get out of the street!
Adam: You don’t know me and you don’t know yourself. You think because you're, what, 11 pounds overweight you know struggle?
Hannah: I am 13 pounds overweight and it has been awful for me my whole life!
Adam: Holy fucking shit! Here’s the world smallest tiny violin playing My Heart Bleeds for You! Fuck you! You don’t know struggle. I’m a beautiful fucking mystery to you.

"You wish I had a fucking concussion...no, NO! Family only. Family only right? *looks at medic*  Op family only you're not my fucking family. Don't let her in she's a monster."

And if you don't love Adam after reading ALL my favorite quotables, well then fuck you too more for me! But you can see the development in the character with just these quotes. Maybe I love him so much because this is the person I want Happenis to become. Maybe I like him because he's attractive. Maybe I just have a thing for skinny athletic built assholes. The world may never know.

"I have to warn you. The first time I fuck you I may scare you a little. Because I'm a man. And I know how to do things."
(That wasn't an Adam quote, it was some other dude, but you see why I love this fucking show)
Miss Sixxxty, your very own freak of the industryyy