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Monday, June 11, 2012

Big Papi aka Puss In Boots

Oh. My. God. My sex life is in shambles I do not fucking understand why it is so hard for me to find a damn reliable fuck buddy. No strings attached sex should be fucking easy to do, there shouldn't be any fucking complications. How hard can it possibly be to have some fun casual drama free sex? Happenis is a terrible fuck buddy. And I obviously don't mean the sex is bad, I just mean in terms of being my person.

QUALITIES OF A GOOD FUCK BUDDY
Our biggest problem used to be the distance. Now that he's back,k it's become the schedule. Before he left I would get some once a week, once every other week, and it wasn't delegated simply to the weekends. I could get some during the middle of the week. Now that I work a million miles away on the weekends, that seems to be the only time he wants some. God forbid I ask him to fuck me during the week I just get ignored til Friday when I'm working and can't do anything about it. A good fuck buddy needs to be flexible. Put out when I ask and I'll do the same. We can't always be on your schedule. I'm not about to sit here twiddling my thumbs waiting on your text because your timing SUCKS. It also makes me feel like a last resort when you only hit me up in a blue moon like "oh well I know she's gonna be there" when clearly I'm NOT. I've had the same schedule for over a year now the shit hasn't changed. It's like he doesn't care, which I'm pretty sure he doesn't, but STILL.
The dick has got to be CRACK. It needs to be good otherwise, why would I come back?
The sex has to be consistent. Like I said earlier, none of that once in a blue moon shit. If we're only going to have sex one day a week can we have sex more than once that day? PLEASE?! Shit!!!I need dick on a regular basis to keep me sane. You have all these dudes talking about how they can last for hours and how they want it all the time too, but when shit gets real you realize they were never about this life! I end up getting cheated on something that was promised to me when I figure out they can't deliver. Which brings me to this next dude.

SIR PUSS IN BOOTS
I've always told myself I needed to find an out of town fuck buddy, especially since the majority of my time out of town consists of working and eating. I needed to squeeze a lil' fun in there. Customers are always off limits, and I don't wanna meet someone while I'm stuffing my face...so what's left? Well, the girl I stay with when I go had this Colombian roommate. He was kinda cute, real hipster like, but I never saw him much due to my schedule. Listening to him talk when I was trying to sleep was kinda funny, but cute cause usually whatever he was talking about he'd be really passionate about it. Anyways, I started doing little stuff here and there, whether it was lotioning my legs in the living room, wearing yoga pants, ect. And I knew he took notice. Eventually he started asking about when I'd be coming down and whatnot, and one morning when I got in he was up waiting asking me if I was okay and if I needed a pillow or anything. One day I dozed off on the couch and he was getting ready to take my flip flops off and prop my feet on the couch so I'd be comfortable. Awww!
BUT!!! This was all while he had a "friend" over. And this "friend" walked into the house one morning like she lived there, and didn't leave til AFTER I had left. And this "friend" also held him hostage the entire weekend. I only saw him when she was sleep. I thought it was his girlfriend but he claims otherwise...okay sir. Whatever makes you feel better.
So this past weekend I ended up coming a day earlier than usual, and was up early. He got up (and surprise surprise the "friend" isn't homeless she actually went back to her house!) and we hung out. He's obsessed with juicing and would not leave me alone until I tried his juicing "creation", which tasted like a gallon of sweet cum. I like my juice thin and non-pulpy please. Then he invited me to join him for lunch at this cafe around the corner. So we walked and talked and he threw in that he thought my body was ridiculous (thanks, I know lol). We ordered lunch that I ended up paying for because he forgot his debit card (If you're reading this (which I know you are) you still owe me 10 bucks.) and went back home. He asked me a lot of sex related questions, and I made it clear I was only looking for fun right now, nothing serious, and that I need good consistent dick. He made it out to be he wasn't attached, so I was like cool. We're still running our mouths when we get back and my friend who wasn't up yet told us to keep it down. So we went in his room and she texts me "okay now you can kiss lol" but I kept telling myself no, I wasn't gonna do it.  Then he was like, come take a hit with me. Whyyyy did I do that?! First hit was fine, took half by myself, and he shotgunned me the other. Then I took one bowl straight to the face which may not seem like much to you potheads, but for someone who doesn't smoke...MAN. I couldn't even hold it in as soon as I inhaled I had to let it go. It was like my face was exploding and sliding off my skull. I felt so fucking nauseous that I couldn't do anything but sit in the window sill and wait for it to happen. Luckily I didn't, but I was BEYOND high after that. I couldn't keep my eyes open, I could barely keep my head up. I don't even remember what we talked about after that. I remember he took a picture to show me how squinty my eyes were (my face looks bloated af) and he went thru my pics. He popped in a movie and sat on the bed next to me, and I remember talking about being tense. He sat me between his legs and started massaging my back. He told me it wasn't tense and then said something about carrying a lot of tension in my thighs. so he started massaging those too, and then he touched my boobs and it was a wrap. The weed made my nips ultra sensitive so from that point it was kinda just like aaaaaaah take it. He climbed on top and kissed me, then my neck (duhikfediafgheruifegbfd) then my ears and back to my neck. Then we were naked. Everything was kinda just a blur, but I remember, legs on the shoulders, "how do you like it baby", more kissing, me on top, then from the back then done. It was so funny to me, maybe cause I was high, but he normally talks like your average skater from SoCal, but I swear when he was talking to me during sex either his accent came out or he was speaking in Spanish, hence why I call him Puss In Boots. That's exactly how I remember him sounding lol. And that was only round one. He apologized for it being so short and he was trying to find another condom. Oh hey! I have four in the car!  I thought it would be a good idea to walk outside to grab them. WRONG! I was walking outside touching my mouth and chin like a damn retard trying to act like I just didn't get fucked, then thought about how I must look to other people and started laughing to myself. Then thought "Ma'am, you look like a damn crackhead just laughing to yourself walking down the street with condoms in your hand" and that made me laugh harder. SO I ran to the door to get back inside before someone called the police. Back inside, we had sex three more times, with each consecutive sesh being longer than the last. I remember I was on my back, and he stood on his knees in front of me and asked me to kiss it. This was the first time I noticed he trimmed & was thick :D and that he wasn't circumcised :O (I'm noticing this a lot more lately......ugh). I was so stoned I couldn't even lift my hands to pull the skin back or to even add to the experience, so I just did a whole lot of tongue flips to try and make up for it. He seemed to like the Triangle of Pleasure in my mouth. That's what I named my tongue rings in case you were wondering. At one point he had me in a chair next to the paper thin wall that separates his room from my friends, and with the surfboard hitting the wall, and me trying to be a nice house guest by being as quiet as possible it was actually kinda hard. The sex was actually pretty decent, and he doesn't mind a lil foreplay which is CRUCIAL these days. When we finished we just kinda laid there, he took my phone and saved his number under "Big Papi", talked about needing to do yoga before he fucks me again, and some other shit. I remember him taking a picture of me laid across the bed. He said I looked sexy, I felt like a beached fucking whale. Now that I think about it, I wonder if he still has that picture. I wish common sense had kicked in and not agreed to do the shit.l But I was like yessssssssss, I found me some out of town peen, and he can go round for round, and I'm here every weekend finally some good consistent dick FOR THE MOTHERFUCKING WIN!!!!!

...that was until two and a fucking half hours later, after I had gotten dinner and more condoms when I came back and saw the "friend" was back. And he ignored me after that. No more asking if I needed a pillow, no more hanging around when she was sleep, nothing. I'm thinki8ng to myself like dude, you have that bitch in your bed less than two hours after you fucked me FOUR times?! Is the wet spot even dry yet?! Once again she held him hostage doing whatever it was that they do and I was just confused the rest of the weekend.
From what my friend told me was he's tryna get over the "friend" cause he knows the "friend" fucks other guys. Well shit sir caught up on your ex still I can get you passsssst it! Like it was a perfect set up. I come here every weekend, I need sex all the time and you seemed more than willing to put out IT'S A SURE FUCKING THING. But no, alas he wasn't about that life, which I kinda knew, but then again I was so high I didn't even care. I was irritated that she was there, but more mad at the fact that I knew I wasn't gonna be getting any more dick on this visit. I had a box of magnums just staring at me, taunting me. The rest of the weekend was torture cause all I kept thinking about was how horny I was and how bad I wanted her to leave so I could continue fucking him. Giving a nympho a taste of good dick is like a damn death sentence.
Something that also confused me was the whole "I'm gonna ignore her even if the "friend" isn't around" thing. He either really likes her deep down and felt like he may have cheated and felt guilty and THAT'S why he ignored me...or something. I mean he obviously liked it enough to keep doing it, and before he had no problem talking to me when she was around, so it's like what the fuck gives now? I know I didn't force him to do anything, especially because he initiated it every time.I told him I don't catch feelings, I just want dick. Idk...I do feel low key disrespected though because he didn't even wait for his dick to get soft before she came back around. All I will say is I would never bring two dudes I'm fucking around one another because it's messy. One is bound to feel neglected and they go away, and I would probably want to keep both around, and make them both think they're the best. But hey, that's just me. I just wonder how this is all going to play out in the weeks to come...

At least he can say he's fucked a black girl now.
Miss Sixxxty, your very own freak of the industryy

Friday, June 1, 2012

Never Have I Ever...

...been rejected before. In my life. Until the other night.Happenis Jr. certainly was a damn spot on nickname.

So a little bit of background on him. I was set up on a semi blind date with a retard and Happenis Jr. gave me a shot of gin and ended up chatting me up more than my so called "date" and we ended up exchanging numbers. We would text throughout the day when he talked me thru my first hangover (which was THEE worst; I never get hangovers. Idk what went wrong that night) and I went to visit him at work (upon his request, I wouldn't just "pop up" outta nowhere). We made plans to hang out again that night. Go to a party, drink a lil bit, and he invited me back to his house to go cuddle. Little did I know that's really all he wanted to do:/ We did a lot of that, and it felt nice to not have to sleep alone...although there wasn't any making out. He did, however, enjoy my ass. a LOT. He kissed it, bit it, and stuck his face in it lol. Guys are weird. He then goes on and on about how he's never been with a black girl before and how pretty I am and whatnot, just complimenting me all night.
Anyhow, we hung out again another night and he actually got me to take a hit off a bong and it was a lot better than that time with The Carnie. We watched cartoons and I thought Drawn Together was the funniest show ever invented. He had to be at work early the next morning so he said it was time for bed. I tried seducing him, but nothing. Fail. We hung out again and THIS time we played some old school Sega Dreamcast, and he proceeded to kick my ass in all these games I had never even heard of (except Tetris). After we finished, he suggested I do shrooms. Sir, hell no. Weed is my limit with you. He was trying to explain all the good things shrooms do to you but I wasn't impressed. So he was like "Well you should try wax". I've heard of it but I don't know exactly how they make it or anything, and he was like it's healthier than smoking actual grass. He could've just been talking out his ass but I thought I'd try it. He was like "Let's do it naked". Sure why not. We strip down and take a hit. I got a small one so it didn't do TOO much...but  I knew I'd be hungry so I suggested we get some grub before I get too fucked up to drive. We got dressed then he made me take another hit, this time it was bigger. 'If you don't feel anything after this you're fucking immune to weed cause I just gave you a fat ass hit". Nothing happened until I started driving down the street. All of a sudden my whole body felt weird and the lights were blending together. I thought I was floating away! We get to the drive thru and I order the food and everything was all good til I pulled up to the window. I saw the drive thru employee dude and fucking LOST IT. I couldn't stop laughing for shit. Every time I looked over I laughed. Happenis Jr. kept asking me what was wrong with me and I just kept screaming "I DON'T KNOW DON'T LOOK AT ME!!!!!" It was so bad I couldn't even pull my debit card out my wallet. After struggling a bit I got it out but couldn't put it back in so I just stuck it between my legs. When th guy handed us our food I lost it again and couldn't move. I had to tell him to grab the food between laughing fits and he just kept asking what was wrong with me. The drive thru guy had to have been annoyed with me but I couldn't even explain what was going on without laughing. Happenis Jr. just made a smoking motion and the guy started laughing at me.We get back to his house and I just fucking demolished that ultimate bacon cheeseburger (hold the cheese). I went to go put on the movie again and so while I'm bent over he's just rubbing on my ass, slowly working his hands under my shorts and I look back at him and tell him he's supposed to be naked. He takes his clothes back off and goes on about how he trimmed his man bush (I wish it was completely gone but I hadn't shaved in like four days so ehh...) and then he shows me he's uncut by stuffing his peen into the foreskin. I told him with the most serious face ever not to do that shit again. He goes on telling me how keyed I am and I don't remember how or when I just remember being really wet. So I kinda straddled him, then got off and asked if I could get something out of his drawer.

"As long as it's not weed or cash."

I grabbed a condom and tossed it to the side of the bed. You know, just in case. He got up and then while he was on his knees just kinda wedged himself between my legs as if he wanted to do something but was hesitating. He was rubbing on my legs and asking me things I really can't remember and then he asked if my hood had any scars from having my piercing ripped out. I told him everything down there looks the same and that my vag wasn't purple like he thought so he goes oh let me see! I seriously felt like I was getting a pap the way he was down there examining. He told me I had a Mexican girl vag..whatever that means...then he laid down and told me I was gonna kiss and rub on him and I was like hmm...So I got on top of him and started caressing his arms a bit, then I kissed him and he didn't kiss me back. Odd. Finally enough of the games I asked him for some. He asked if I wanted his peen and I nodded. Then he asked if that's what I grabbed out the drawer and I nodded again. So he tells me to put it on. I was still a little too high and it was dark so he put it on instead and I rode him. It was all good til I got off wanting to switch positions. Then everything went to hell. He starts telling me he's sleepy ad he has work early in the morning. At first I thought he was joking, but he kept saying it over and over and I'm like look you aren't going to sleep. He gets up and starts rambling about how he's not supposed to be having sex and I'm thinking he's gonna start saying it's for religious reasons but no he starts talking about how he wants to "stay clean, no offense to you". And he starts telling me he doesn't really wanna have sex and that he just wants to be friends. I rolled over and kept saying "I understand" when I really had no idea what the fuck just happened. He asks if I'm mad at him. "Nope." and he gets up telling me I made him all wt and he goes to the bathroom. I should've made my break for it then but I was siting in a daze. Did that really just happen? I put my shorts back on and went to sleep. We didn't even cuddle that night.
The next morning I got up and got dressed and when he came back from the bathroom he was like "Oh you're ready to leave?" No shit. I didn't look him in the eyes and gave him a half assed hug before I drove away. I just wanted to cry. I know I washed my ass before I got there, and I barely had any hairs growing...Where the fuck did I go wrong? I know I wasn't being too aggressive, and he was sending me all kinds of hints, not to mention he wasn't complaining when I was on top! So where did all that other shit come from?! "Stay clean" mf'er we were using condoms wtf?! I'm still puzzled. He had invited me to a reggae show the next night and I had completely forgot. I probably would've still blown it off anyways had I remembered. I mean maybe he thought I would catch feelings if we continued? Honestly I only wanted you for sex and if we aren't having sex...then I really have no use for you, do I? The reggae show was at 9, and he called me at like 4:30 in the morning. I didn't answer...wonder what he wanted...

Someone enlighten me as to what the fuck went wrong.
Miss Sixxxty, your very own freak of the industryy

Wednesday, May 30, 2012

There's A First Time For Everything...

Although the drought ended like two weeks ago and it was fantastic, I feel like I'm back at square one. The Goblin (he really needs a new nickname...) won't put out, the blind date guy won't put out...shit I had options for like a week. What the fuck just happened?! There's always that one guy that never got a nickname, the one hour blow job dude. He ended up drunk dialing me one night, so I figured I'd go see what he was talking about.

Him: What are you doing tonight?
Me: Nothing much...
Him: Wrong answer
Me: mmm what is the right answer
Him: you finna slide through later an im finna snack.

Say no more! Hopped up out the beeeeeeeed, turned my sexy on, took a look in the mirror & said what's up. I kinda wish he lived closer to me cause going to see him is always a fucking mission. But usually how it goes is I'll either park in the driveway or across the street and we get down to business. This time he was a little drunk so as soon as I hopped in the backseat with him he pushed me back and pulled my pajama pants down. He brought me back up for a couple kisses and pushed me back down and slid my panties off (I hate the word panties but underwear sounds so juvenile ughhhhhh). His ass went to fucking TOWN. Effort is half of oral. The other half is skills. And he loves french kissing the Vee. He'd occasionally lightly bite on the inner labia and suck at the same time which sent chills up my spine (this is all starting to sound so technical). I was helpless and couldn't do shit but rub my fingers thru his hair and squirm. When he finally came up for air we switched. I gave him head like I had something to prove, only because it takes sooo long for him to bust when I'm giving him head it's frustrating. So I try harder and harder every time I see him. He pushed the hair out my face when I looked up at him and he asked me if I was "ready for this dick that I like sucking so much" lol. Yeah go'n head and give it to me. He tells me to lay back and he gets on top with my legs on his shoulders. This has got to be like the universal pose for commencement of sex or something because some way or another it always starts with my legs on someone's shoulders. God sometimes I hate car sex. In certain positions you spend more time trying to find a comfortable position than you actually do having sex! We did the legs on shoulders thing for a minute,  I got on top and rode him, then wedged myself between the front seat and his legs with my head sticking out the sunroof. I rode him like that using the sunroof for leverage, praying the cops didn't drive by again. He pulled me back in the car and we tried to 69 as best we could. I always feel a little weird with my ass in a dudes face no matter how clean it is...I think at some point he even stuck his finger in my ass which made me laugh.
Anyways he was just a peach eating machine that night. I honestly think he gave more than he received that night. At one point we tried doing it from the back in the car but alas we only have a certain allotted space so he got out while I was on all fours on the seat. He clearly wasn't happy with this because he pulled me out the car and bent me over the hood. As exciting as it was I was kinda paranoid about his mom, the neighbors the cops, ect. It didn't help my nerves much when he turned me over and pushed my ass up on the hood and fucked me with my legs on his shoulders again. There was no way in hell I could play of what we were doing if someone were to catch us. But it felt so good! My main focus was trying not to slip off the car and to enjoy the shit. He pulled out and I got back in the car and he wanted me to give him head while he was standing. I did what I was told and he skull fucked the shit out my head. Usually if I deep throat I do it once and keep doing it regular but with his hand on my head he did it a good five times before I had him pull out before I threw up. He said he wanted some special oral attention to the boys once again I did what I was told. In the middle of all this he asks me where my vodka gummy bears were. Uh...in the front seat but where did that come from? He took a mouthful of gunmies and went back to giving me head. Thank god I didn't get a yeast infection from that lol never put food on the cookie. After a while he stops and I ask him what's wrong. He tells me we can either go into his room and be quiet or finish handling biz on the futon in the garage. Why weren't we in there in the first place?!
He walks across the street and I slap on a lil minty lube on my vag, put his t-shirt on and run across the street. Back in the garage it didn't take much. I thought we were gonna go back to having sex but he went down on me again and licked away whatever lube I had down there. He got back on top, then I rode reverse cowgirl. For the finale I turned on the light of my phone and let him watch as I threw my ass back into him (he said he had never...). Then as quickly as I had started bam he pulled out and before I could even react it shot out like ten feet and landed in my hair!!! I kept saying "it fees like a wet paintbrush now" because the end of my ponytail was covered in nut, as was my back and my ass. He thought it was funny and called himself a shooter. I wiped my air off the best I could and he wiped me down. He let me run back to my car with his shirt on so I didn't have to dart across the street naked and we parted ways. What an interesting Wednesday night.

The Happenis clone is being weird.
Happenis is apparently in town and is still ignoring me.
I haven't had sex since then.
This sucks.

I woudn't be surprised if I had a gummy bear stuck in my canal.
Miss Sixxxy, your very own freak of the industryy

Wednesday, May 23, 2012

Play Your Cards Right...

I. Fucking. HATE. That cliche ass phrase. Who do you think you are? The only time I want to hear that shit is if Tupac and Keyshia Cole are doing a duet. But more on that in a minute. I took last weekend off and tramped the entire time...smh. Let's break it down into three parts, shall we?

FIRST SHIFT
"Back then they didn't want me. Now I'm hot they all on me" no truer words have ever been spoken Mike Jones (who?!?!). Its amazing the power a pair of tits holds. Everyone who ignored me in high school all of a sudden want to hang out. One guy in particular I had in an art class. I was a senior, he was a sophomore. A cute one at that. He was really quiet, and every time i turned around to talk to him and hi friend he'd always give me this nervous type laugh like "bitch if you don't turn your ass around and let me paint..." So it never got far. Then out of nowhere he adds me on fb. I immediately posted on his wall "YOU HATED ME IN HIGH SCHOOL!!!" and he goes on an on about how he never hated me blah blah blah asking me how my butt and boobs got bigger. I really didn't have time for it so I was like what do you want?He wanted to hang out (of course) and I told him he never wanted to hang out in high school. "Well I was a little boy back then". Hun, you're STILL a little boy to me now. He was kinda annoying, texting me things like "Would you ever show me a picture of your butt??" or "can you strip for me?" Like couldn't sext worth a damn. So I stopped replying. My friend was in my ear about how I should give him a chance and she heard he puts it down (HAH!!!) and I just couldn't get over this pedo feeling I had. Finally we arranged to have this blind date type meet up and he was too excited.

"Are you going to hang out with so and so? If so I'm with her:)"
"Are you still coming??"

Ugh. SHUT UP!!!!! When I got there he came outside and gave me a hug, then didn't say shit else to me the entire night. Huh? He let this guy who kinda looks and acts EXACTLY like Happenis. Fucking CRAZY! He made me take a shot of gin with him and this is where the night starts going downhill. More on him later tho. It was clear ol' Ninito over there wasn't going to make a move, and I had Sexsomniac on my line wanting to play BP, so I excused myself for the evening. But not before Happenis Jr. and I exchanged numbers. Highway robbery biatch! Po' lil' tink tink also known as Ninito gave me another hug before I left, for what reason, idk...and I went to see Sexsomniac.

SECOND SHIFT
I met up with Sexsomniac at the grocery store and it looked like he was walking with a fat skinhead, which would've been weird since he was Mexican...Upon further inspection it was none other than Mr. Dunlap! And another short cholo OG  Mexican which I found out was his dad...who was pissy ass drunk. I wish he'd warn me when I'm about to meet people in his family>:/ His dad comes up to me telling me "Mija you're so beautiful, mijo, who's this pretty lady?" He grabbed my hand to shake it and held on it a tad bit too long. Under normal circumstances I'd be creeped the fuck out but since this was his daddy I was being nice. He starts asking what kind of music I like and if I have a boyfriend and whatnot...then offers me a beer. I don't drink beer so I decline, telling him I only drink liquor. He spots my Smirnoff bottle and asks for a shot. I always respect my elders, drunk or not. So even though I didn't want to, I gave him one anyways. We were all waiting on my brother to arrive so we could go to this party and I'm telling you he couldn't have come soon enough! Or so I thought. Even though Mr. Dunlap had PLENTY of room in his car they made the drunk daddy ride with me, who's telling me the entire ride to the house "Mija if anyone gives you shit you just tell me and I'll handle it." Sir, you're the ONLY one giving me shit.
We pull up to the house and lo an behold what do ya know it's that prick who tried molesting me in my sleep's house! I stayed for like 2.5 seconds and then dipped when they asked if I could take the drunk daddy home. HELL NO. I couldn't figure out why Sexsomniac wasn't paying  me much attention until my brother told me he met ANOTHER girl with the same name and he though I was her. Welp. That explains a lot. Bitch.

THIRD SHIFT
Final destination of the night, I made it alive and sober. Think back a couple of blogs when I was talking about having sex with the guy who yelled "oh no quickieeeeee" when we were having sex? Well yeah he redeemed himself that night. Much to my pleasure.
I ended up drinking a few cocktails, then making a McDonalds run for a frozen strawberry lemonade just to add more vodka to it. Next thing I know I was holding up walls and throwing up. Apparently I fell a couple times, spilled my drink during King's Cup & some more shit...smh. As the night went on the drunker I got and me and lets call him......Goblin for now because he likes Odd Future. Well anyways we go to his room and the whole way there he keeps slapping me on the ass asking where did all my ass come from (apparently my ass got bigger and people are taking note). I don't remember what the fuck I was talking about, except after he shut the door and put music on I remember him telling me "Okay how about you shut up and make out with me". I just do as I'm told lol. He pushed me on the bed and got on top for a little bit, and I don't remember if I took my top off first or if he took my shorts off first all I remember is we were naked. He reached into the nightstand and shit went ALL THE WAY the fuck down. On my back I propped my legs on his shoulders for leverage and away he went. Everything is kinda a blur honestly. He wasn't much of a talker, except when he told me it was my turn to be on top lol. Cowgirl, to reverse cowgirl, to back on my back. Then he did something no one had ever done to me before. He bitch slapped me across the fucking face! Like 3 times. And weirdly enough...I kinda liked it. It caught me so off guard, and he was so in the moment...Intense shit right there. He rolled me on my stomach and it was over. I can't remember who was in the house or if anyone else heard me but I don't think me smothering my face with a pillow helped much. It felt THAT fucking amazing. Like Happenis status I can't remember a time when I got close to seeing stars like that. He had his nails dug into my hips pretty deep while he was handling business and all of a sudden he pushed me across the bed! Guess someone was finished! Glad he pulled out cause with all that vigorous stroking the condom broke. Thank God for depo and negative test results! He just kept saying "I pulled out....I pulled out" over and over again...turned me around, said "that was intense" and kissed me before going to get a towel out of the closet. I was in a lust stricken daze. Once I came to I wiped myself off, then started to wipe the sheets and he was like "No!! You blot the cum you never rub it!!!" Well hey, learn something new every day...Went to sleep and woke up with the worst alcohol poisoning ever. I threw up like 3 more times, and since I had thrown up my fries the night before, I had nothing left but stomach acid to throw up. It was terrible. I couldn't even keep water down.

"Who's in the bathroom is Ricky taking a dump?"
"No that drunk girl is in there...throwing up...again..."

After a while we got up, he made me some soup, and then I promised I'd buy him another bottle of mouthwash and then left. Now I wanted to bang him again a few hours later after I recovered, but he seemed a lil distant. Nothing weird there. Then Sunday night I debated on texting him for a round two. We all know how I get about asking for dick. I hate rejection with a passion whether I'm asking you to lunch or for some dick. Curly Fries tells me to just do it cause all guys love when girls beg for the peen. I decided to do it. I just told him I'd be up for a round two and you know what he told me?

"Yeah the other night was great. Maybe if you play your cards right you can have a round two..."

JIGGA WHAT?! JIGGA WHO?! Wait wait wait what the fuck just happened there?! TF does that even mean?! Sorry but when it comes to me asking for sex "Maybe" and "play your cards right" are two things I don't wanna fucking hear!!! That ultimately just pissed me off so I didn't even text back. Bullfuckingshit I tell you...Swear to god good reliable dick is such a hard thing to come by these days. I just wanna fuck you all day you idiot. And I mean that in the nicest way possible if you're reading this. I think we can all make time in our day to have sex at least once. But I damn digress. Shit. Of course any wonderful drought ending such as this always has to have a sucky ass ending. Fuck. Shit. Balls. Ugh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I feel that was an easy let down like "yeah bitch, I killed your shit. Don't be expecting a damn thing from me". But he's such a sweet guy when I'm around him what the fuck is going on?!

Mental note to self: Don't ask guys for sex. Ever. They don't like that shit.
Miss Sixxxty, your very own freak of the industryy

Thursday, May 10, 2012

PORN.

I haven't been getting my stupid semi-weekly dose of dick and it's really starting to show. I haven't had great full body spasm sex since January. .I got close in March, but that was ruined. And I haven't had sex for over a month now. I am seriously going fucking bananas over here. I don't think the shit is fair. Maybe I just need to make more of an effort to go out during the week and meet people. That's my main problem I have no new work. And I can't go meet new work if I don't go out, right? But really the only time people wanna do shit is on the weekends when I'm shaking my ass for dollas. (Sorry if there are funky ass lookin words. Blogging from the netbook and sometimes this bitch decides not to put the letters even when I press them and right this second I'm too lazy to go back and proof read). I've only found one cute classmate, and even then he's kind of a nerd and slowly losing his sex appeal the longer we go without hooking up. I might give him a shot when the semester is over...fingers fucking crossed that it's more than halfway decent but less than amazeballs cause he's leaving a month after school ends and it would suck if the sex was great and he just up and left...

Anyways all the Einsteins out there seem to think masturbation is my cure all end all. Let me just say I'm about thisclose to going fucking blind from all these sucky ass elf induced orgasms. I don't need to JUST have an orgasm I need to go HAM on a dick, I need my back blown the fuck out and slapped around a bit and all that good shit. If someone ever saw me tryna do that shit to myself I'd probably be admitted into the nut house. Anyways I've been watching a fuck ton of porn lately and recently decided to switch it up from Girl Girl porn back to Boy Girl porn. The first porn I watched was BG and it was cool for a minute but aside from the money shots they got kinda boring. Then I started noticing things people watching porn trying to get off shouldn't notice. That's how I knew it was time to switch it up.

BOY GIRL PORN
Okay so my main question is where are all the attractive male porn stars? Doing gay porn:( Sucks in porn that as a guy you really don't need anything but a big dick and some stamina. I hate staring at ugly guys when I'm tryna get off. How the fuck am I supposed to get off on that shit when I can't get past that ugly ass mug?? Not to mention the sex faces make it sooooo much worse. I've come across a couple cute soft core actors, but then there was that whole thing about me not bein able to see how big their dicks were, or even if they were even sticking it in. I hated that shit about soft core but w/e...But mostly, the actors are pretty ugly. The main focus is on the women, which I like, but shit. Aside from Brian Pumper's ass I can't think of any cute actors:/
Then here's my weirdo ass problem. When The camera pans behind the actor fucking the chick, I'm WAAAAY too interested in his ass area. And not in an "Oh, that turns me on" way, but more of a "What the fuck is going on down there" way. First off it always looks like they're pinching in a fart the entire time. Loosen up a bit! No one is coming for your booty hole on this set. Then The gooch area bothers me to no end. The anatomy just won't register in my head. Like I'm well aware dudes don't have vaginas for obvious reasons but looking at the strip between their balls and ass...then looking down at what I've got...My mind = just BLOWN. I might sound like an idiot but I don't care right now I have questions lol. Then I wonder how clean their booty holes are because I've HEARD some men like having that area pressed down with a knuckle...I just can't see myself blindly tryna finger it, I might miss...or see something I shouldn't see nor even want to see and the mood is killed. Idk...Then sometimes they have a very interesting hair pattern on their legs, like little afro beady beads...distracting. I like hairless apes, but that's just me.Then I notice when They stand and thrust I swear it's like one of their balls disappears. Cause I only see one mackin' and hangin' whackin ol girl in the ass. Does their body like suck up the other teste? Or am I just trippin? But I could've sworn he started with two...Whatever. I also think there is way too much oral going on but then again I guess that's not for me anyways. Blow him once in the beginning and once in the end please.
The money shot is good in my book EXCEPT when he finishes in her ass and the camera just waits for her butt to push it out. That shit just makes me want to throw up and die.
Lastly I have a question about ebony porn (I hate that they call it that. You can tell who watches a lot of porn when they say shit like "She's such a pretty ebony girl." Who the fuck says that shit lol) Okay I Don't watch too many scenes if the chick has a purple vag (just a preference don't shoot me gad damnit) and NO black girls aren't the only ones with em. Mine isn't purple at all it's still kinda pinkish, while my baby mama is Mexican an Filipino an hers is suuuuper purple. Don't ask me how I know and don't tell her I told you lol. BUT it does eliminate a lot of them. And the ones I do watch the girls are always ratchet ass fuck with weird ass bodies. They're either built like a 12 year old boy or one big mac away from being obese calling herself thick. Girl if you don't take your big ass to BBW...It's like they just randomly started pulling bitches off the street. I have some faves tho...
I love love love Lacey Duvall...even if she went and got what appears to be ass shots on me:/ All I'm gonna say is when she did that scene with Pinky a while back in the blue fishnet getup she was pretty small...then I saw her do a scene with this dude where she was wearing purple fishnet thingies and her ass just looked...off...and not in a oh I just gained some weight and it just happened to go to my ass type way either. But that's all Ima say about that...She has an AMAZING rack...I'm low key jealous of it. I wonder if she went and had a revision tho cause they looked kinds bigger in that same video and we all know she has augmented breasts anyways...Her face is also easy on the yes she doesn't have that ratchet look to her whatsoever.
We got Jemini too. I first saw her in a threesome scene with Roxy Reynolds and some dude...She's also easy on the eyes. Ehh I like Roxy but I don't go looking for scenes with her specifically in it...The first scene I saw her in she was screaming bloody murder and it turned me the fuck off I had to mute that shit.

I also like Jada Fire...too bad she retired this year:/














GIRL GIRL PORN
Probably will always be my fave. It's just something I've never engaged in myself so it's exciting to watch. UNLESS it's just them eating each other out. It gets boring reaaaaaal quick like can you bitches do anything else?! I can only watch you spit on her cooch and finger her so many times before I get mad. I like skinny chicks with big ass tittays. small waists, and somewhat of an ass. You don't have to be able to suffocate your partner if you sit on their face tho, just a little something....But yeah there's gotta be some scissoring or some toys involved. If there's none of that what the fuck am I watching for? I'm tryna live out a fantasy here and oral sex and fingering are NOT included in that fantasy. I have no interest whatsoever in going down on another girl, never look a gift horse in the asshole. And I can get a dude to finger and eat me out so...it's gotta be something a man isn't capable of. Except when it comes to straps. If I found me a bad ass chick I'd let her strap me down. Especially if she had nice boobs. While Pinky is def a lil bigger than I like em her and Sasha Grey gets down on the straps I'd both let them give it to me...but enough about me lol
I know what I like and I really don't have too many complaints about GG porn. Except when a pretty girl has a bush:( insta buzz kill.

I also had a question about the consistency of semen...I've seen it shoot onto a girl's face and land like silly putty or a squishy booger and it just looks nasty. I can just imagine a guy cumming in my mouth and it's sticking to my gums or the roof of my mouth AFTER I swallow. I like mine kinda runny as gross as it may sound. I only swallow with what's his face and his is kinda runny. I just notice it goes down better...but that could be because I like his sex so much that I just do it as a courtesy. But there are some guys that just make me instantly gag as soon as it hits my mouth. Sorry if you think the faces I make or the fact I immediately spit that shit out hurts your feelings but oh well...it also makes clean up easier. If I can feel it running down wherever I can clean it up instead of putting my pants on and feeling it all slimy across my ass and jeans. Or worse, have to tell my mom it's just dried drool when I miss a spot on my face. Or even worse than that having it in MY HAIR. I will cut your balls off if you nut in my hair.Go anywhere else but my eyes and hair.

Anyways...it's getting late and I'm sexually frustrated. I'm probably going to watch some porn and handle business and pretend that it helps. When all I really want is for him to stop acting like such a douche bag asshole and just be able to have fun sex again. Because I can't find anyone else who does it like him. Believe me I've tried ad I'm getting more and more discouraged with all these failed missions...

The CraigsList blog is taking a little longer than expected. I finished my part but Curly Fries is determined to get a real girl to respond to him, so we'll see what happens lol

Sexsomniac ruined out little measley ass once a month bang session. I'm sad. I think he got back with his ex but I don't want to feel like a hussy and ask him to fork over some peen, He has my number and if he wants it he has it. But damnit...

Miss Sixxxty, your lonely ass sexually frustrated freak of the industryy

Wednesday, April 25, 2012

He Want That...Cake Cake Cake ...

‘Ello babes and gents. I know everyone has been wondering where the fuck I’ve been for the past month or so…and the answer is…not doing shit. I started working at a different club in LA and I make a lot more money out there which is good…my sex life low key sucks but what else Is new…and we had a birthday! (the blog not me). And to celebrate I’d figure I’d just write til my fingers fall off.  

BABY MAMA DRAMA
I hate being involved in baby mama drama, especially when I’m not even that involved with the guy the bitch is going crazy over. I remember this one time in the back back days where this guy was hitting me up trying to hang out and I found out the day we hung out was two days after his baby mama had their kid! Look up "triflin’" in the dictionary I bet you’d see his face! But I don’t wanna talk about the dudes I wanna talk about the girls. I’m in this situation and I don’t know what direction I should go in. So there’s obviously this guy, and we’re just cool friends. Anyways I got his baby mama on my phone at ungodly hours calling me cussing me out, sending me nasty messages on facebook…and the kicker is, her and my friend have been back together! Like bitch are you kidding me?! If he wanted me, he would be with me make no mistake about that. But he chose to try the family thing again so he’s with you. If you got your man and happy family, why the fuck are you bothering me? I damn sure ain’t bothering him! I could ask my friend to do something about it but crazy bitches are known for pulling the “You’ll never see your kid again” card and my conscious can’t take that kind of stress even if it isn’t directly my fault. But I do think dudes should keep their baby mamas in check as best they can when it comes to female friends whose only crimes are simply existing. Back to this crazy bitch tho. The way I see it, I have one of two options: I can either beat the bitch’s ass when I see her out and about, choke slam now ask questions later type shit…or I can keep track of all the threats and have her ass arrested for harassment and criminal threats (which is a FELONY I have learned) and show the bitch nobody is playing with her ass. Because we are grown ass women and should be able to handle the situation as such, but clearly that isn’t on her agenda. The bitch just needs to find herself some business and stick her damn nose in it and leave me the hell alone. The only problem with both these situations is that by doing either one my friend prolly won’t be too happy with me after everything is all said and done so…what do I do?!  

SEX && FEET
 I have pretty feet. And by pretty feet I mean my second toe is shorter than my big toe. I have no corns. I get a pedicure about every 3 weeks and I make sure to exfoliate all the rough skin off my heels. And my big toes aren’t hairy. And I can appreciate a lady having pretty feet. One thing I can’t get down with tho is guys feet. I have always felt a certain way about men feet, mainly because they’re ugly as fuck. Most men wanna act like they don’t need a pedicure every now and then because it isn’t “manly” or whatever, but that is no excuse for your toes to be throwing up gang signs nshit! Get rid of all the corns and rough skin, CLIP THOSE DAMN TOE NAILS DOWN!!! You shouldn’t be able to shred my damn sheets with your feet alone. THAT being said…I get irked when guys wear socks during sex. It looks ghetto as hell and I hate it. Like being butt ass naked in a pair of tube socks has never been sexy to me. I’m left at a catch 22 - I hate ugly men feet but I hate socks equally as much…at the end of the night I’d rather you just take your socks off. Now I can let you fucking me in a pair of Jordans slide, I’ve done it before and I’m like you keep your J’s on I’ll keep my Nikes on and keep things moving. Because sometimes you just can’t go barefoot outside…
I ran into Brian Pumper last weekend(yes the one that fucked Montana Fishbourne aka Chippy D aka Chips Ahoy booty) and my oh my if that isn’t the finest man walking, no matter how corny his big ass is. Anyways I YouTube’d a couple of his music videos and a web series came up called “Brian Pumper: Life Of A Porno Nigga” (if you like World Star Hip Hop then you’ve either A.) already seen it or B.) it will be right up your alley I PROMISE! How it isn’t on tv already I have no idea. Go watch. You won’t be disappointed) and one of the episodes touched on him having a foot fetish. I don’t watch too many of his scenes so I had no idea. Then he starts going around sniffing strangers feet nshit and talking about if he can smell this girl’s toes and jack off at the same time…I just can’t! And the kicker is he likes smelly feet! People have their fetishes and I’m not one to judge but if a dude asked me if he could rub my feet allover his face while he jacked off…I’d be a little put off by it.  

DOPE DICK SLANGERS
In a perfect world I would have one of these who would satisfy my every sexual need when I needed them taken care of. I haven’t had sex in about a month or so, and I’m getting that addict itch going on. I’ve been having some okay sex to get me by but shit…it isn’t enough! I haven’t had really good sex since you know who which was back in January…and you know sometimes I rant on twitter about not getting the D when I need it, or why when I DO get it it sucks:( like I’m being punished for some crimes I did in my past life or something. One of my followers was telling me it shouldn’t be hard to find since I’m a girl and this seems to be the general consensus for men about women and sex. Let me break it down for you guys:

While YES it may be easier for me to call someone up and get laid than it would be for a guy it isn’t that simple. The problem for you is that most of the time guys are friends with girls that given the chance if they weren’t as close or whatever they’d probably smash (whether you wanna admit it or NOT). Women tend to be friends with men and just that. There are PLENTY of my guy friends I wouldn’t have sex with EVER, but on a drunken occasion or two have hinted that they wanna see how I get down in the bed (since I share all my stories with them anyways). So that would make it easier for the girl to call up a “friend” late at night for a “movie night” and he’d be over there faster than you can say “make sure you have a condom;)”. Another important thing to remember is that for men, all they need is a wet warm hole to stick their dick in so they can fuck it til kingdom cum. 98% of the time with enough stimulation a man can have his nut. For women it’s not that easy!!! I can’t just go fuck ANYBODY expecting the sex to be good. You gotta deal with dudes that can’t get it up, dudes that can’t keep it up, dudes that cum too early, dudes whose dicks were too small ect…so many things can go wrong! I’ve never had one of my guy friends come up to me and say “Man I had sex with this girl and it sucked because her cookie was too big”.  

SIDEBAR: I’m not blaming bad sex solely on men because sometimes you’ll get a girl who doesn’t shave, didn’t wipe good enough, just has a particular odor or whatever I’m just talking in terms of sexual dysfunction it’s generally the man’s fault. If the reason you can’t get it hard is cause of something she’s doing then ABORT MISSION!

So I have to narrow down the playing field. I’m used to whale penises that stroke my g-spot constantly and I don’t feel that I should always have to settle for less if I don’t have to! If you aren’t showing me anything that shows you have potential then I’m definitely not about to show you what color my thong is that night. I can’t just lay there and call that good sex you gotta know what you’re doing. So when I go thru my phone book and realize the only dudes I have the option of calling are wack, I have no options. When I have no options, I have no sex. When I have no sex, I have no sanity. THAT’S why, in theory, it actually is HARDER for me to get laid than it is for my counterparts with the penises.

Back to my diamond tipped dick havers, I need me a pusher. A pusher of that sexual napalm. Give me sexual ecstasy. Make me come begging for more. Make me hate every bitch I see you out in public with, even if she’s your sister. I know what I want, when I want it, how I want it and where I want it. As you have all bared witness before, give me the good shit I’ll buy you tacos after. A latino diamond tipped dope dick slanger sounds sooo lovely right about now (although I don’t discriminate). I really wish you guys just fell out of the sky…  

QUESTION: In all seriousness, as a man, could you have sex (almost) every day? Not would you, but if you had someone willing to have sex with you every day would you physically be able to do so? There are plenty of dudes who say they can, then when it comes down to it we find out they ain’t about that life. Could you?  

A BIT OR RANDOMNESS
 If you’re at school and you notice you have a cute classmate that you wouldn’t mind humping the shit out of, wait til the end of the semester. That way, if you guys DO have sex and it sucks, you won’t have to see their face every week.

Happy birthday to us, we’re now 2 years old. Glad everyone is enjoying the blog thus far, your feedback is great, love all the positive comments you guys leave (even if it’s not a lot). Always gotta appreciate the ones who’ve stuck around since day one and followed the soap opera known as Happenis and whatnot. Hopefully I find someone new and there will be exciting things to come!
Next week we'll talk about cruising for ass on CraigsList. Lol

Miss Sixxxty, your very own freak of the industryyy