Sexsomnia: n. Sexsomnia causes people to engage in sexual acts while they are asleep, such as masturbation, fondling, sexual intercourse
This shit is real. I have experienced it myself, but mine only amounted to touching myself in my sleep. But I met someone who actually suffers from this shit full on. Story timeeeeee.
So we obviously knew that Happenis (I gave him his name back, if you're curious as to why peep the tumblr) was gone for quite some time, and in the meantime I had to find something to keep myself occupied. Well, pills weren't all that healthy, so I turned my attention to drinking. Nothing too bad, just socially drinking with my friends at various bars and whatnot. Anyways I've been spending a lot of time with this one guy, we shall call him the Sexsomniac.
(I feel the need to share I'm listening to a Drake/The Weeknd/Lil' Wayne/J. Cole playlist mashup. Dk why just thought I'd share...)
We both have no lives and I've made it my mission to get him out the house to do fun stuff with me so we aren't bored. Well one night I took my baby mama out for her birthday where we met the Sexsomniac at a local bar. Long story short hat bitch (I love her still) ditched me for some birthday dick! The bar was about to close and I wasn't ready to go home so we left a little early, hit up a liquor store (cause they close those bitches at 2 am in Cali) and sat in my car at the Denny's on our local hoe stroll while we figured out what we were gonna do. I bought a Mike's HardER Fruit Punch and let me tell you that shit was BEYOND disgusting. Tasted like a Four Loko and cough syrup. I don't know how I managed to stomach that shit. We met up with one of his friends to go play beer pong and that was pretty chill...just a few people hanging out. Anywhoo, I'm forcing myself to drink it because I wasn't driving and I at least wanted to get a good buzz going. Well, finally mission accomplished. I didn't feel comfortable driving so I crashed at his friend's house. We both fell asleep on opposite ends of the couch watching a movie. Somewhere in my slumber I feel a hand touching my leg. Slowly rubbing my leg I feel this hand slide up my thigh and he brushes his fingers across my ass. Then it feels like he was trying to touch Miss GiGi thru my pants. I kinda stick my head up to look at him and he looked dead ass sleep. Other arm hanging off the couch, face hanging off the couch, labored breathing. I thought I'd at least see some sign of consciousness to prove to me he was fully aware of what he was doing. I watched him for a bit while he did it to see if he'd take a peek at me and see how I was receiving being molested in my sleep, maybe a smirk. I got nothing. So I closed my eyes and tried to go back to sleep. After I while I felt him move, he got up to use the bathroom, came back to the couch and went to sleep. Was it wrong that I was a little mad he stopped touching me?! In my head I was like why did you stop:( When it was time to go, we got p and I dropped him off at his house and then I went home. We didn't talk about it until later when he texted me and told me he was having this dream about myself him and another chick and I guess we were about to have a threesome in the bathroom. He woke up before we did anything and he found himself touching me. He was like "I woke up super horny and rubbing you lol so I went to the bathroom and went back to sleep." I told him not to sweat it, and if it bothered me I woulda punched him in the face. He was like alright cool and we left it at that.
The next night I went to work and didn't really wanna go the next day so I came back home early. I hit him up to see what he was doing, and he was out and about. I met up with him so I could do a little drinking. A LITTLE......My ass got HAMMERED. I remember drinking two big ass red cups of jungle juice straight to the head and whatever was in it snuck the fuck up on me. One minute I was playing beer pong the next the room was spinning. The guys there liked my boobs A LOT. I don't even remember how they knew I had them done but I remember someone asking when I got them done or some shit and I was like "hOW DO you KNOW theyRE FKAE??" (my attempt at typing how I sounded when I was drunk). Then I layed down on a row of chairs and don't remember shit til I got up to puke.
In their kitchen sink.
All over their dishes.
I could hear someone in the background saying "Dude noooooo not in the sink!!" and someone else said "dude this is where she went she wasn't gonna make it to the bathroom!" I told the Sexsomniac I couldn't drive where the hell was I gonna go..HE told me to his friend's house with him. So he drove my car and I rode with the friend. Puked in the driveway. Once in the car I told the friend I wanted french fries. Went to Jack in the Crack and I threw up in the drive thru.
"Sir, can you please pull forward...
We get back to the friend's house and we crash in his room. Said friend was nice enough to give me and the Sexsommiac his bed and he took the floor. When he left the room to go get a blanket the drunk me thought it would be a good idea to take my pants off. Although I was wearing this tiny ass G-String my shirt was pretty long and covered my ass. The Sexsomniac and I got under the covers and I was once again in and out of consciousness. Sure enough I felt his hands sliding under my shirt, this time he had access to my bare ass. I was drunk and dick deprived so I didn't stop it. I looked at him again and he still looked dead ass sleep. As soon as he slid his fingers under the G-String idk what the fuck happened. In like two seconds he pulled his pants down and whipped his dick out, I had pulled the G-String down and was reaching behind me to help him find his way...and no it wasn't all THAT big, it was average, but nothing that I'd laugh at or anything...We're just spooning and fucking and I'm trying to be quiet cause of ol' boy on the ground but he wasn't even really sleeping to begin with. He's grabbing onto my hips and thrusting away, and the bed is faintly squeaking. Normally this would bug me but I was drunk so I was like fuck it. I kinda grabbed his head while we were in the spooning position so he could hear whatever little sounds escaped my mouth. I'd look at him and his eyes would be closed, he wasn't even watching what was going on! He was just in dreamland. Now. This is where I hang my head in shame. I was so shameless that night with no concept of what I was doing because I pushed him away and hopped ON TOP to ride him!! *face palm* Got off, went back to spooning and this time my back wasn't against him we looked kinda like a 'K'. I could see ol' boy fidgeting on the ground I knew his ass wasn't sleep. And I don't know if it was the alcohol or what but the Sexsomniac low key had a nice stroke game. Then I felt those one two three hard ass thrusts and knew he was finished. We rolled over and he pulled his pants up and rolled back over, I had to dig under the covers to find the panties that I had COMPLETELY removed...rolled over and looked at ol' boy and told him "I like tech n9ne:)" and he goes "me too"...right before he tells me to scoot over. So now I'm in bed with the Sexsomniac and his obese friend who tried spooning with me on several occasions that night, which was gross cause I still had no pants on. So I took my blanket and made my ass a pallet on the ground. The next morning I woke up really hungover, wondering where the fuck he busted at...I mean you just fucked in your friend's bed it's very inconsiderate to nut in his bed too...
We left ol' boy's house and once again didn't talk about what happened...just talked about my very intoxicated ass.
And we still haven't discussed what happened. I low key don't want to now that Happenis and I are back on good terms...Idk what to do about that shit. Do I tell him? Do I keep it to myself? I'm just like we aren't together, but he seems like the type to get mad if he finds out later...hmm...I don't know. Blah.
...And is it wrong that as soon as we were finished I wanted to do it again? I didn't wanna seem greedy so I didn't wake him back up but gat damn! This was at a time where I thought I had no choice BUT to find a replacement dick. Thank god that's no longer the case.
Well. That's what happened. Lol.
For those asking about homework sexinfo disabled embeddable links soooo...yeah:/ sorry bout that guys.
Happenis came back. It's all good in the hood. That's my main. He doesn't ever go away for long and I gotta accept that lol. Everyone always tells me he'll be back and I never believe them. I don't know why tho cause he always pops back up.
Miss Sixxxty, your very own freak of the industryy