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Wednesday, April 25, 2012

He Want That...Cake Cake Cake ...

‘Ello babes and gents. I know everyone has been wondering where the fuck I’ve been for the past month or so…and the answer is…not doing shit. I started working at a different club in LA and I make a lot more money out there which is good…my sex life low key sucks but what else Is new…and we had a birthday! (the blog not me). And to celebrate I’d figure I’d just write til my fingers fall off.  

I hate being involved in baby mama drama, especially when I’m not even that involved with the guy the bitch is going crazy over. I remember this one time in the back back days where this guy was hitting me up trying to hang out and I found out the day we hung out was two days after his baby mama had their kid! Look up "triflin’" in the dictionary I bet you’d see his face! But I don’t wanna talk about the dudes I wanna talk about the girls. I’m in this situation and I don’t know what direction I should go in. So there’s obviously this guy, and we’re just cool friends. Anyways I got his baby mama on my phone at ungodly hours calling me cussing me out, sending me nasty messages on facebook…and the kicker is, her and my friend have been back together! Like bitch are you kidding me?! If he wanted me, he would be with me make no mistake about that. But he chose to try the family thing again so he’s with you. If you got your man and happy family, why the fuck are you bothering me? I damn sure ain’t bothering him! I could ask my friend to do something about it but crazy bitches are known for pulling the “You’ll never see your kid again” card and my conscious can’t take that kind of stress even if it isn’t directly my fault. But I do think dudes should keep their baby mamas in check as best they can when it comes to female friends whose only crimes are simply existing. Back to this crazy bitch tho. The way I see it, I have one of two options: I can either beat the bitch’s ass when I see her out and about, choke slam now ask questions later type shit…or I can keep track of all the threats and have her ass arrested for harassment and criminal threats (which is a FELONY I have learned) and show the bitch nobody is playing with her ass. Because we are grown ass women and should be able to handle the situation as such, but clearly that isn’t on her agenda. The bitch just needs to find herself some business and stick her damn nose in it and leave me the hell alone. The only problem with both these situations is that by doing either one my friend prolly won’t be too happy with me after everything is all said and done so…what do I do?!  

 I have pretty feet. And by pretty feet I mean my second toe is shorter than my big toe. I have no corns. I get a pedicure about every 3 weeks and I make sure to exfoliate all the rough skin off my heels. And my big toes aren’t hairy. And I can appreciate a lady having pretty feet. One thing I can’t get down with tho is guys feet. I have always felt a certain way about men feet, mainly because they’re ugly as fuck. Most men wanna act like they don’t need a pedicure every now and then because it isn’t “manly” or whatever, but that is no excuse for your toes to be throwing up gang signs nshit! Get rid of all the corns and rough skin, CLIP THOSE DAMN TOE NAILS DOWN!!! You shouldn’t be able to shred my damn sheets with your feet alone. THAT being said…I get irked when guys wear socks during sex. It looks ghetto as hell and I hate it. Like being butt ass naked in a pair of tube socks has never been sexy to me. I’m left at a catch 22 - I hate ugly men feet but I hate socks equally as much…at the end of the night I’d rather you just take your socks off. Now I can let you fucking me in a pair of Jordans slide, I’ve done it before and I’m like you keep your J’s on I’ll keep my Nikes on and keep things moving. Because sometimes you just can’t go barefoot outside…
I ran into Brian Pumper last weekend(yes the one that fucked Montana Fishbourne aka Chippy D aka Chips Ahoy booty) and my oh my if that isn’t the finest man walking, no matter how corny his big ass is. Anyways I YouTube’d a couple of his music videos and a web series came up called “Brian Pumper: Life Of A Porno Nigga” (if you like World Star Hip Hop then you’ve either A.) already seen it or B.) it will be right up your alley I PROMISE! How it isn’t on tv already I have no idea. Go watch. You won’t be disappointed) and one of the episodes touched on him having a foot fetish. I don’t watch too many of his scenes so I had no idea. Then he starts going around sniffing strangers feet nshit and talking about if he can smell this girl’s toes and jack off at the same time…I just can’t! And the kicker is he likes smelly feet! People have their fetishes and I’m not one to judge but if a dude asked me if he could rub my feet allover his face while he jacked off…I’d be a little put off by it.  

In a perfect world I would have one of these who would satisfy my every sexual need when I needed them taken care of. I haven’t had sex in about a month or so, and I’m getting that addict itch going on. I’ve been having some okay sex to get me by but shit…it isn’t enough! I haven’t had really good sex since you know who which was back in January…and you know sometimes I rant on twitter about not getting the D when I need it, or why when I DO get it it sucks:( like I’m being punished for some crimes I did in my past life or something. One of my followers was telling me it shouldn’t be hard to find since I’m a girl and this seems to be the general consensus for men about women and sex. Let me break it down for you guys:

While YES it may be easier for me to call someone up and get laid than it would be for a guy it isn’t that simple. The problem for you is that most of the time guys are friends with girls that given the chance if they weren’t as close or whatever they’d probably smash (whether you wanna admit it or NOT). Women tend to be friends with men and just that. There are PLENTY of my guy friends I wouldn’t have sex with EVER, but on a drunken occasion or two have hinted that they wanna see how I get down in the bed (since I share all my stories with them anyways). So that would make it easier for the girl to call up a “friend” late at night for a “movie night” and he’d be over there faster than you can say “make sure you have a condom;)”. Another important thing to remember is that for men, all they need is a wet warm hole to stick their dick in so they can fuck it til kingdom cum. 98% of the time with enough stimulation a man can have his nut. For women it’s not that easy!!! I can’t just go fuck ANYBODY expecting the sex to be good. You gotta deal with dudes that can’t get it up, dudes that can’t keep it up, dudes that cum too early, dudes whose dicks were too small ect…so many things can go wrong! I’ve never had one of my guy friends come up to me and say “Man I had sex with this girl and it sucked because her cookie was too big”.  

SIDEBAR: I’m not blaming bad sex solely on men because sometimes you’ll get a girl who doesn’t shave, didn’t wipe good enough, just has a particular odor or whatever I’m just talking in terms of sexual dysfunction it’s generally the man’s fault. If the reason you can’t get it hard is cause of something she’s doing then ABORT MISSION!

So I have to narrow down the playing field. I’m used to whale penises that stroke my g-spot constantly and I don’t feel that I should always have to settle for less if I don’t have to! If you aren’t showing me anything that shows you have potential then I’m definitely not about to show you what color my thong is that night. I can’t just lay there and call that good sex you gotta know what you’re doing. So when I go thru my phone book and realize the only dudes I have the option of calling are wack, I have no options. When I have no options, I have no sex. When I have no sex, I have no sanity. THAT’S why, in theory, it actually is HARDER for me to get laid than it is for my counterparts with the penises.

Back to my diamond tipped dick havers, I need me a pusher. A pusher of that sexual napalm. Give me sexual ecstasy. Make me come begging for more. Make me hate every bitch I see you out in public with, even if she’s your sister. I know what I want, when I want it, how I want it and where I want it. As you have all bared witness before, give me the good shit I’ll buy you tacos after. A latino diamond tipped dope dick slanger sounds sooo lovely right about now (although I don’t discriminate). I really wish you guys just fell out of the sky…  

QUESTION: In all seriousness, as a man, could you have sex (almost) every day? Not would you, but if you had someone willing to have sex with you every day would you physically be able to do so? There are plenty of dudes who say they can, then when it comes down to it we find out they ain’t about that life. Could you?  

 If you’re at school and you notice you have a cute classmate that you wouldn’t mind humping the shit out of, wait til the end of the semester. That way, if you guys DO have sex and it sucks, you won’t have to see their face every week.

Happy birthday to us, we’re now 2 years old. Glad everyone is enjoying the blog thus far, your feedback is great, love all the positive comments you guys leave (even if it’s not a lot). Always gotta appreciate the ones who’ve stuck around since day one and followed the soap opera known as Happenis and whatnot. Hopefully I find someone new and there will be exciting things to come!
Next week we'll talk about cruising for ass on CraigsList. Lol

Miss Sixxxty, your very own freak of the industryyy