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Sunday, March 23, 2014

Lonely Bitch Diaries

Well. Welcome to 2014. I'm still the no dick gettin-est bitch out here. Tryna go out and expand my options and never meet anyone I'm interested in. My only hope reneged on his part of our verbal agreement. ***FOR THE RECORD: If you offer me butt sex, you have to follow thru with it! It's just the rules okay?!***. So anyways let me tell you about the bullshit from last night.

A few of my colleagues decided to go out and celebrate our last night together as a group. The ORIGINAL plan was to take a group on a late night field trip to what used to be my fave 24hr sex toy shop. Then one of my coworkers was so adamant on getting drinks first that we went to a dive bar to have A drink. Then he started buying everyone shots of fireball aka my kryptonite and before I knew it a bitch was drunk. Everything after that is a little fuzzy but I spent 80 fucking dollars on a fancy vibrator with the clit tickler thingie, batteries, and two diff types of lube. Idk who the fuck I thought I was! Pay day clearly had me trippin. Got home and was too drunk to try it out. Woke up this morning hung over like shit and I opened my underwear drawer and there it sat. I looked at it, got semi excited and thought, "What the hell, I already bought it and I can't return it. Let's see what the hype is about." I had read horror stories (depending on how you look at it) of women who don't leave their houses or like 3 days when they buy a good vibe. I don't want nor need those kind of problems! So my first real issue with this stupid vibrator is that it's the kind you use for penetration. So I'm tryna like...stick it in and I just felt stupid. It felt weird like I was stuffing a zucchini up there. I'm not big on masturbation already, I do it out of pure necessity these days. And even then its just clit stimulation. Easy peasy. If I'm going to be penetrated it better be with a real life fucking penis attached to a strapping young lad. But I still decided to give it a shot. so I got it in and turned it on. I'm pretty sure the bitch that sold me that shit said it was supposed to hit my g-spot and that shit did NOT. I said fuck this shit and pulled it out and just used it on the outside. I mean it got the job done, but not for no fuckin' $50! There were no Earth shattering, screamin O's or anything. Just a little "mmmm OOOF" and a basic warm flush.

I knew I had zero business in that sex toy shop. I knew it. But my dumb drunk ass just HAD to go inside.
When will the madness stop?
Ugh. Going to bed mad and alone. All shaved up for absolutely nothing. Can I get a little more "fuck me" and a lot less "fuck my life"? Thanks in advance.

Miss Sixxxty, your very own freak of the industryy