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Friday, October 5, 2012

Shit Happenis Says

Hayy y'all. It's now been two years since I first started banging the fuck out of Happenis...or rather he's been banging the shit out of me. Thru all the good sex and bad sex, trivial fights and even ER visits, we still manage to keep things going. And since he's usually drunk he's usually spewing out the most ridiculous comments. And I figure I'd share them with you:)

"I feel like you're waling around with 15 of my kids inside you" (words after sex)

"See? I have personality. There's more to me than just my big cock."

Me: Are you hungry?
Him: Yeah, if robertitos and my cock are on your mind

Him: Are you mad at me?
Me: no. (yes)
Him: your a bitch.
Me: why because I'm irritated?!?!
*Couple hours later*
Him: Are you done being mad?
Me: I still a bitch?
Him: Nope.
Me: then no.
Him: kk come over

Him: wanna?
Me: aaaaaaahhh!!! I'm on the road!
Him: how far
Me: mmm like an hour
Him: Nvm
*throws phone across car*
*an hour later*
Him: kk come get me

A normal convo between us:
Him: fix?
Me: yeah.
Him: come
Him: kk
Me: outside
Him: kk

*First ER visit*
Me: You ripped me a new one.
Him: Oops. weird lol
Me: yes and kinda painful lol
Him: Welcome lol
Me: I had to explain it to 6 different people last night
Him: "I was getting beasted and couldn't handle it. *sigh*"
Me: oh whateverrrrr that was all you lol
Him: I beasted you
Me: No you stabbed me lol
Me: cheap shot
Me: Killer instincts my ass

Him: Man if pole dancing's a art you know how many fucking artists I know?
Me: one
Him: one

Him: bomb pussy. no babies!
Me: thank you. bomb dick.
Him: I mean it! No babies.

"You piss me off a thousand times a month, I swear. But I still fucking love you."

*waves fingers in my face*
Him: My fingers were in you. This is what you smell like
*blows air in his face*
Me: That's what YOU smell like.

"You want my cock soooo's gonna cost you though. I don't do any black friday deals"

"Sorry if your pussy is sore. No fucking babies"

Him: Where are you going?
Me: To clean up the mess you made. I'm messy.
Him: you really need to stop peeing on yourself.
Me: shut. up.

"I don't want you to think I'm saying this just because you write about me or because I'm coming down from being drunk, but your blog is really good, you're good at writing and telling a story."

Him: Just grab it
Me: No! I'm not gonna get you hard. I'm driving! And you're not about to attack me.
Him: I won't get hard and you only have to shift until you get into what, like 3rd gear? Just touch it. I won't get hard.
*grabs it*
Me: I thought you said you weren't gonna get hard!
Him: I mean you ARE touching my dick what did you expect?

Him: I think I came inside you
Me: what else is new?
Him: what do you mean?
Me: lol you do it all the time!
Him: dude stand up I don't want you having my babies
Me: lol then start pulling out
Him: how am I supposed to and you're laying there screaming my name telling me not to stop?

"You gotta understand from a guy's point of view though. Sending a girl to the ER cause she couldn't handle it is hilarious. I'm not gonna be like 'Oh, are you alright? Is your pussy okay?' I'm gonna laugh."

"You get so mad when I don't fuck you for 2 hours. Guess I've just set the standard too high for myself."

"Sometimes I just get into beast mode and fuck for four hours. I remember I fucked you for like three and you started complaining about your pussy hurting. It wasn't THAT bad."

"I don't want you having my babies ok, but if we had kids they'd have big dicks and big asses"

"You're welcome"

*during sex*
"Oh you called other guys tonight before you called me huh? You tryna see other guys? Go ahead answer it. Pick that shit up" 

"Look. I have a hundred dollar bill in my room. I'm gonna go to the bank and cash it for singles. Then the next time we fuck while I'm fucking you doggy style I'm gonna be slapping your ass and I'm gonna make it rain on your back saying 'Alright alright alright you gon learn today'. And we're gonna get it all on camera"

Him: What. The. Fuck. Is. THAT.
Me: Whaaaaat? What what?
Him: Are you on your fucking period dude?
Me: What? No I don't even get a period I'm on the shot *grabs fingers* you don't even have blood on your fingers what are you talking about?
Him: What is THAT *tugs on string* feels like a tampon are you wearing a tampon?!
Me: Oh god yeah I forgot that was there................
Him: Why are you wearing a tampon?!
Me: It's complicated!!
Him: You seriously just made my boner disappear.

*hacks my facebook*
"My vagina feels amazing"
"Hello my name is 'Loves Happenis's cock: )"

It's never a dull moment with this dude. One time we recorded us in my backseat and when we went to get tacos he just starts watching it while we're in line. -_______-. But he's pretty dope in the sack if I do say so myself so...yeah. Lol.

Dick so good - give up your facebook password, tell all your high school jump offs to stop calling you (seriously this time), cooking sunday style dinners on wednesday just cause that's "y'all" day to chill, and let him hit right after leaving the salon! -Anonymous
Miss Sixxxty, your very own freak of the industryyy