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Tuesday, August 31, 2010

The Mulatto Banshee

Hey hey hey:)
Babes an gents, its been a LOOOOOOOOOONG 5 months...and my future is looking bleak.
These dudes are toying with my emotions. I'm Wile E. Coyote and these dudes are the Road Runner. I come up with a seemingly ingenious plan, and somehow before the episode is over I end up looking like a sucker. So I quit. Until further notice.

The hunt for dick, not the blog lol.
So for tonight I decided to dig through my memory bank and share a story with you guys.

Earlier this year I took myself a little baycation, strictly in my quest for peen. I met up with the mulatto banshee at the mall, and so far I wasn't disappointed. I went and hung out with my friend for a while, to give him time to shower, clean an whatnot.
I drove to his house, met me outside, exchanged hugs, and as soon as I walked into his house, I immediately noticed a strong odor.

"Umm...do you have a dog?"
"Yeah how'd you know?"
"Wild guess..."


His house smelled like a fonky ass mutt had just rolled all over the carpet.
After I got over the smell, I finally noticed where I was standing. I was standing in the living room of the Brady Bunch house. I swear, this house had to be built in the 70's because the first thing I thought was "There's a story, of a lovely lady...". The mulatto banshee led me up the stairs and told me I was making too much noise. Well, it isn't my fault your parents chose to put a plastic carpet runner on the already dingy stairs! When I first met ol' boy, he was bragging how he got some job unloading train caboose thingies for like 16 bucks an hour. I figured he was just getting his money up, and wasn't gonna judge about the fact that he lived with his parents.

That is, until he opened the door to "his" bedroom.
This "man" shared a room with his little brother, and, get this, they slept in BUNK BEDS. Bright ass red metal frame bunk beds. It had a full on the bottom (his) and a twin on top (his brother's). And he assured me he already told his little brother what was up and he wasn't gonna be bothering us.
Um, what exactly did you tell your LITTLE brother?
And you're over here making 16 bucks an hour and can't afford a regular sized bed? Hmm...
As I stood in the doorway in shock he put on American Gangster. After seeing the bunk beds my libido went from 100% to 26%. So I'm sitting there, getting into the movie, and he's sitting next to me just staring at me. I glanced at him out the corner of my eye and asked him what was he looking at.

"You're just a lot prettier than you are in your pictures."

Uh, thanksss...Back to the movie now...He lays down, and I'm still sitting there watching this movie and he asked me if I wanted to lay down. I didn't really want to, but since I had nowhere else to stay I decided to be civil. I laid next to him, back to him so I could still watch this movie, he gets up and turns it off! Since it was so dark, he couldn't see me give him the WTF-are-you-doing look. He hopped back in the bunk, which squeaks at even the slightest movements. He gets behind me and starts kissing my neck. Now since I had just recently gotten my 1st industrial piercing I could only lay on one side. The neck sucking was absolutely dee-vine, so I couldn't help but to grind into him. Then he slides my leggings down, pushes the panties to the side and I'm thinkin, "FINALLY. I'm getting what I came here for". But then his bitch ass started playing games.

He just kept rubbing his dick everywhere but the one place he needed to be, and since he had sucked on my neck I was a tad bit excited, so he was just making a big mess. At this point, I'm getting irritated, because it seemed like he was stalling. The icing on the cake was when this man, who, btw, was making a big mess between my thighs, slid THROUGH my thighs and assumed he was inside. So I politely stopped him and said "Yeah...you're done." Slid my leggings back on, rolled on my stomach, and attempted to go to sleep. Because I was done with his bullshitting for the night.

But apparently the mulatto banshee wasn't having all this. So he sits up, stares at me, and starts kissing my neck again. And I scoot away a lil bit. Remember, I'm in a metal frame bunk bed, so it makes sounds anytime I breathe. I honestly don't know how his mom didn't knock on the door with all that ruckus. But anyways, he thinks this is his cue to lift up my shirt and start licking my back. His tongue felt stinky and slimy. Any other time someone licks me it feels nice. But I was repulsed by him at this point and it felt nasty as hell.
I scooted over a lil bit more, and I could feel his stinky saliva trail drying on my back. (I just gagged a lil bit thinkin about it). I pulled my shirt down and pretended to be sleep as he nudged me with his nose like a damn dog.
In my head I'm thinkin "Boy, LEAVE. ME. THE. FUCK. ALONE." By this time, I'm wedged between the damn mattress and the wall. I can't go any further. I had to fess up.

"I just don't like being touched a lot, especially when I'm trying to sleep, don't take it personal, that's just me."

I'm surprised Jesus didn't strike me down just then. He got a little attitude and said "You think I'ma have a bad bitch layin next to me an I'ma keep my hands to myself?" Yes, because I am now annoyed with you. He finally left me alone, and took his ass to sleep.
2 hours later the clock struck 6 and I was dressed and waiting at his bedroom door. He rolled outta bed, picked the magnum off the floor (wishful thinkin, kidd) and told me to shush cause he thought his mom was awake. Boy, I have no time for your foolish games. So as soon as he opened the door, I walked out the house, not caring HOW much noise that damn plastic runner made on my way out. And I didn't look back.
As soon as I got back to my friend's house I deleted his number, unfollowed him and blocked him on twitter. I took the best shower I had ever taken in my life. Washing all of last night's grime off me. He texted me, asking if blocking him was really necessary, apologized for playing games, and how he had "unfinished business" with me.

Uhh...#HovaTap, sir you are VERY finished. Then he said I shoulda just let him finish.

"Finish what?"
"You made me take it back out"
"Hun, you were never in to begin with"


He then offered to take me out on a date, and try again. But as you guys know, when I'm finished I'm FINISHED.
I had to start ignoring the man, because he kept texting me after that night. Just didn't know how to leave well enough alone. I had to start getting bitchy. He finally got the hint.

One of these days I'll get it right...
Email me w/e you want: AskMissSixxxty@yahoo.com

Homework:)
CINEMA STROKE

Courtesy of SexInfo101.com.
Aptly named for obvious reasons;) Have you ever just wanted to give, give, give? I'm in one of those moods where I just want you to lay back and enjoy yourself:) any takers? ...No? Damn...

Love,
Miss Sixxxty, your very own freak of the industryy

Sunday, August 29, 2010

The Banshees Are Back!!!

Babes an gents, take a look lol

OR watch it here via mobile web

This lil' girl needs to start teachin classes! After seein them make it rain on her for shaking her "poak chops" (I literally LOL every time I see "poak") shit I need to get in where I fit in!
I don't have much information on the vid, as to where it was shot, if she was at a wedding, or what. All I know is that ol' boy who snatched her up at the end of the video was a hater. He didn't even let her collect her hard earned money!
...Maybe I'm just a little sensitive cause I wanna learn how to pop my booty that hard...

Very short blog today, I know, but enjoy the video and tonight's homework:)
ASIAN COWGIRL

Courtesy of SexInfo101.com.
I'm sitting here thinking to myself, "God damn...I'm jealous of an animated couple" smh...one of these days SOMEONE will get some act right...

Peace, Love, && Happiness,
Miss Sixxxty, your very own freak of the industryy

Saturday, August 28, 2010

One Random Ass Blog.

Babes an gents, what have I been up to lately?
Well for starters, I learned how to make my ass clap.
And let me tell you that is one of the funniest things to me. I'll watch myself do it in the mirror and bust up laughing because, I just don't understand what it is exactly that drives men so crazy over it! Same thing goes for when they want you to bend over so they can see your vertical smile. Don't get that one either.
But then again, I'm not a big fan of staring at vaginas, either.
To each his own on the ass clapping subject.
Oh, but best believe I'll be busting it out soon:)

Still haven't been able to put my pole to use, all the stuff I've learned in class is being forgotten because I can't practice in the comfort of my own home.

I can't stop watching that horrid Brian Pumper - oh, excuse me, B. Pumper video w/ "Chippy D" "Oh, And Its Shaved". Quite possibly one of the worst songs ever written. And his wardrobe doesn't help, either. Ol' 'roided up Lloyd Banks lookin ass.
But he could still get it ANY DAY.
Peep it:

OR watch it here via mobile web.
I'ma start sayin "Oh, and its shaved...
..Don't let me find the lyrics to this song...

For those of you asking whatever happened to the guys after the party last friday...we off that.
Had fun but eh:) who knows at this point.

I have another Stage 5 Grenade situation, and the sad part is, I really used to have fun and actually wanted to sleep with him.
Now I'm just so turned off by him just the mere sound of his ringtone is enough to put me in a bad mood.
He became a S5G when I realized he was always gonna rely on me to provide a place for us to get down to business, even if I wasn't the one who initiated the convo. He always expected to get down in my car. Now that I've bought a new car, I'm not havin that shit, no ma'am NOT. UP. IN. HERE.
He texts me every other day just to see how my day is going, and occasionally will try to seduce me.

"Sounds like you're having a rough day. U need a blunt and a masseauge."
"If u ever want a rubdown, lemme know:)
"

It gets really irritating after a while.
But I swear these dudes are PER-SIS-TENT! That is why they're in the S5G category.
The other day we had a somewhat inneresting convo, he asked me how long it had been since I had sex, and I told him 5 months and some change and he tells me its been 2 for him.

"its the girls they arent freakey enough lol an i refuse to settle for less"

Clearly if this man stays hitting me up, I must not qualify as "less". toot, toot.

Then I proceeded to question him. If his drought wasn't as long, if not longer than mine, doesn't that mean he settled?

"I was fooled thats why lol an u were no where ti be found."
"Lmao what do you mean fooled?"
"Fooled by wat shd was sayin it sounded good but the sex wasnt lol"
"Sucks for you"
"the times we did the sex was niiice:) yeah i enjoyed ur sex mos def."


Why thank you SIR. Tell me something I don't know. He then basically said he classifies a freak as someone who gets pleasure outta giving it, and that the one time I wore heels while we had sex that was a major turn on.
Thanks for the confidence boost, but not to sound cocky, I already know I'm good at what I do, and it doesn't make you look any less thirsty.
Kthanks.

Idk I don't like bein pressed when I'm not pushin up on you.
If I never text you out the blue, the same way you text me, there's an issue there an you may wanna look into it.

SIDEBAR: How ironic is it that the dudes I really wanna sleep with, I can never have. But the dudes I don't even wanna be bothered by go all kinds of crazy an start harassing me? So chances are, if I wanna fuck you, you probably have a girlfriend. And I probably can't have you. And chances are if I don't look at you twice, it would be in my best interest to not give you my number.

Now not saying I will never ever sleep w/ him again, but it probably won't happen until he gets his own transportation and his own place, translation: no time soon.

Just thought I'd give you guys an update, hope you enjoy the random blog, didn't know what to write about tonight so I wrote about everything that was on my mind.
Let's get down to business, I know this is probably your favorite part of the blog: HOMEWORK TIME!!!
KNEELING 69

Courtesy of SexInfo101.com.
You can't tell me I don't assign the most fantastic homework ever. If I was a teacher I bet I'd have apples on my desk everyday. I'm still waiting on the big day...*sigh*

Night kids,
Miss Sixxxty, your very own freak of the industryy

Tuesday, August 24, 2010

This Crazy Wench aka Montana

Wow.
Babes an gents y'all been ON IT!!! 1650 blog views in just the past week. That is AMAZING. 'Preshate ya:) make sure to keep telling your lovers and friends about me:)

So now that I have finally picked my jaw up off the floor and wiped the #StuckOnStupid face off, I can now comment on the trainwreck known as Montana Fishburne, aka Chippy D, aka Chips Ahoy Booty, aka "this is my cry for help".
And yes, she was being COMPLETELY serious when she chose "Chippy D" as a porn star name. She said she chose it because people called her chippy because of her chipper attitude when she was younger.
Um...just why the fuck would you wanna use a nickname your family associates with your wholesome childhood?
Ooooh, how I would love to be at Thanksgiving dinner this year...
I honestly thought she chose it cause her ass looks like a Chips Ahoy Chocolate Chip cookie!
The day I heard about this tom foolery was on her daddy's (Laurence aka Ike Turner aka Morpheus, aka one pissed off daddy) birthday.
His birthday, of all days, you come out an tell the world you're releasing a sex tape.
Some birthday present.
Her reasoning for doing so is she wanted to be like Kim Kardashian (specifically), Paris Hilton, Pam Anderson and the likes.
Look, someone please give this child a #HoeHaveASeat and a couch to lay on. I mean seriously lets take a look at how very different their situations were.

KIM KARDASHIAN

Relatively unknown before the sex tape. Started dating Ray J (who I heard was hung like a horse; I have yet to see it) and somehow the tape got "leaked". She was "shocked" and "embarrassed" and dumbfounded as to how the tape was released, and she tried to prevent it from seeing the light of day. Then she cashed in on it. Ray J's mama went on tv to insinuate that Kim released it, and in a way I believe her.

PARIS HILTON

Her sex tape shocked the world. Once again, a relatively unknown socialite before the release of the tape. Dated Rick Solomon who shopped around the tape to Vivid, much to Paris's dismay. Tried to block its release, until she saw the greener side of things and cashed in on it too. AND came out with a sequel!

PAMELA ANDERSON

The original gangster to start this celebrity sex tape ish. We all remember her infamous tape w/ Tommy Lee on their boat (who I also heard is hung like a horse, but once again have yet to see for myself). The tape was magically stolen, and all of a sudden, Pammy was a star!

Now on to Montana's triflin' ass.
This child WANTED to be a porn star.
She promoted her tape before it even came out.
AND she plans on doing more movies.
See what I'm getting at?

The other 3 had tapes that "leaked", they tried to bar their release, and then decided to cash in on the cow.
This bitch, on the other hand did all the dirty work herself.
I don't understand how she thinks doing porn purposely is gonna make her famous. There are hundreds upon hundreds of porn stars out there and we don't even know who the hell they are.
So when you tell the world how you're coming out with a sex tape, you have sex with an established porn star (Brian Pumper's ol' fine ass), and tell the world you plan on doing more, I just can't see the world giving two fucks (no pun intended). Maybe she just shoulda taken the safe route, got herself a lil' semi famous boyfriend, made the tape, say your house was robbed and the tape somehow "magically" leaked, cash in, and enjoy the spotlight.
At least maybe then your dad woulda had some sympathy on you.

Anyways, if you wanna see her first vid "Phatties, Rhymes An Dymes 14" here ya go.
I couldn't make it past 9:24 of this bullshit.
CLEARLY THIS VIDEO IS NSFW

Chippy D (Montana Fishburne) in Phatties, Rhymes and Dimes brought to you by PornHub
Or click here to watch it via mobile web.
Enjoy.

Back to reality, time for some hw.
DELIHGT

Courtesy of SexInfo101.com.
Please, please, please, someone rescue me!!! I am in dire need of penis. I just hopethat whoever the lucky man may be that he has a lot of stamina and red bulls on hand. I'm goin in straight beast mode.

Welp, it was fun. Til we meet again:)
Miss Sixxxty, your very own freak of the industryy

Saturday, August 21, 2010

Everyone Wants A Piece Of Me.

And I mean everyone:)
Not even an opinion its solid fact.
And since none of my friends are capable of answering the telephone today I think I'll just share what happened last night w/ my loyal adoring babes an gents:)

Lately I've been feeling all blah since my two friends passed away, and my friend, we shall call him Boss Man asked me if I wanted to come over and chill with some cool people later that night. I said sure, because I needed to get out and do something fun.
About an hour later I get a text from the Grizzly Bear:

"Hey I know I've acted like an ass I just wanted to know if u wanted to go to Boss Man's with me tonight"

And in the spirit of not holding grudges I said sure. Speed up to 11:30.
The plan was he was gonna pick me up from work (again), we were gonna go, I was gonna have a drink or two, enjoy myself, get dropped off and go home. Well, he had other plans in mind.
He picks me up, and I'm thinking we're on our way to this party, and he pulls off to the side of the road and I already know where this is heading. Fuck.
He leans over and starts kissing me an I'm just like, "Let's just go to the party already" and he's like "It can wait a few minutes" so he starts kissing my neck and I just go limp. I hate when I'm trying to tell someone NOT to do something and they start kissing my neck, because then it's like "What was the question again?"
Then he asked me to give him a blow job (again) and I said "Drive to the party!" he asked for one on the way over there and I just keep telling him to drive. Shit, I gave him head to the golf course and at the golf course. He already got his as far as I was concerned. Lol
So we finally get to this party and I see my other friend come outside and he looks at me, looks at him, pulls me to the side and says "Are we really doing THIS again?"
I assured him he was nothing more than a ride lol.
Inside the party I see The Martian and we converse a lil bit. Now, I don't hate the man, I just won't fuck him ever again. Then Boss Man comes outta nowhere and starts palming my ass like a basketball. I was just like oh, okay...then he like completely cupped one cheek and I was like time to sit down.
Speed up to about a few hours later. The only two other girls that were at the party left and suddenly I was alone. In a room full of dudes.

"So...how much is it gonna take for you to start strippin?"

I had mentioned I had a pole in the trunk of my car (bad idea) because then shit got serious lol.
They all wanted me to dance and to be honest I just wasn't drunk enough.
So since no one was gonna go back and get the pole (thank god) they started asking for lap dances. Which I still wasn't drunk enough for. Boss Man found me some Malibu and it was over. Ugh. Okay so remember the friend from the beginning of the party? I told him to sit in the chair first. I can't remember if I danced to "Sex Room" (swear that song made me wanna maul someone in that room, and I didn't even care WHO it was at that point) or "Sex In The Morning" (another song that makes me wanna maul people). Anyways I "danced" on him (I was feelin the Malibu a lil bit so I probably looked ridic), I "danced" on another dude sitting directly across from him, he left and Boss Man sat down on a chair. I was finally like fuck it, yeah you were my boss but you invited me over, it's the least I can do. I finished my dances and sat on the counter. The Grizzly Bear walked by and I pulled him over with my leg and demanded to know why he's so mean to me. He acted like he didn't know what I was talking about. He turned around, grabbed my arms and carried me on his back around the kitchen. Then he started twirling me around. When I'm buzzed, you can't do that because I start losing my sense of direction. Next thing I know I'm making out with him in the laundry room. Then I walked over to the bathroom cause another dude was leaving and I told them not to stand near the bathroom while I peed lol. When I opened the door my friend was standing there and since it was dark he scared the shit outta me so I screamed.
He pulled me in the next room and then it gets kinda fuzzy. I think I straddled him. And had a nice convo up there too. Lol. Then he started sliding my shorts down because he wanted to palm my ass too I guess. Then the Grizzly Bear came to the door and I told him to get me a capri-sun. So I go back to the room and it's me, my friend and Boss Man and the Grizzly Bear's ol' party pooper ass was in the living room. Well I wanted him to come into the room! The other two were like no but w/e I wanted him there anyways. So I brought him into the room and gave him a massage and my friend left. I massaged the Grizzly Bear to sleep, Boss Man was already passed out on the bed, and I went to go talk to my friend. Then I ended up straddling him again (if you haven't noticed by now, I like to straddle people. Don't Judge Me.)
I owe him a private dance.
He needed to be at work at 6 and it was 4 when I dozed off. 6 rolls around and I'm like, aye you gotta go to work. He sits me right back on top of him and I was like...or not.
I'm awake and everyone else is sleeping, I walk around the house. Boss Man is sprawled out over the bed, the Grizzly Bear was curled up in the fetal position in the doorway of the bedroom, and my friend was asleep on the other couch.
I was really wishing I had my car and my charger at this point lol.
Finally everyone wakes up around 8:30 and nobody is saying a word. We're either on the phone or staring at each other. Awkward.

So I got to feel two hard peens last night and I didn't fuck anyone. In a sense that's a accomplishment, but I still wanted to fuck someone that night.
Not sayin no names tho...

Anywhoo, I really REALLY need to release some tension soon before I choke someone out. Let's find some interestingly fun homework for this evening, shall we?
WHEELBARROW

Courtesy of SexInfo101.com.
I remember doin somethin similar to this when I was doing my "dance" for my friend. It woulda looked a helluva lot better had I been sober and in lingerie. But eh, who's complainin?

Aye, no joke, I need a volunteer to help me end this drought. Email me AskMissSixxxty@yahoo.com :)
Miss Sixxxty, your very own freak of the industryy

Thursday, August 19, 2010

"The Hush Game"

...I don't even know where to begin with this literal fuckery.
I...*sigh* there just are no words to describe the level of "What the fucking fuck?" that I'm feeling.
Ugh...just watch it.

WARNING: THIS VIDEO IS NSFW!!! (Not Safe For Work for those who aren't up on their acronyms)

OR watch it here via mobile.

FIRST OFF, for those who are unaware of what just happened, this trollop is on the phone with her BOYFRIEND the ENTIRE time she is fuckin her boyfriend #2.
Okay, idk about you guys, but I've never been able to give a decent QUIET blow job. So I'm wondering what her bf is thinking is going on durin those periods of silence. How did she not once slip up and slurp into the phone?
THEN she has the nerve to say "You could be doin me but oh well" Bitch you're about to get yours. Stop it.
And when did we stop landscaping?! Have we gotten lazy? That is a very brave (not to mention well endowed) young man for divin in that jungle sans a machete.
"I'm about to change clothes in a minute" yeah you sure are you triflin' tramp.
I do find it funny that she starts talkin about Applebee's an Golden Corral being open on Monday. He takin you to dinner at Golden Corral? #OhYouFancyHuh...

SIDENOTE: At the 3:16 mark he did the "come hither" move while goin down on her. Take notes.

Must give him props tho for thoroughly eating the cooch. You only find ones like those once in a blue moon.
I just don't understand how she not once let a moan go. I've been in situations where I have to be quiet but you can still hear my breathing an whatnot, I may pull your head down so your ear is close to my mouth an you can hear a lil somethin somethin so you know I'm not COMPLETELY bored.
But this trollop right here...
I have no words for her.

But my question is...do balls really flap around like that??? I've watched a few porns in my day but rarely are men involved, just because I don't like starin at their muscluar clenched asses and I don't like to look at balls...idk porn is a fantasy and my fantasies rarely involve up close and personal shots of testicles. Now I can stroke em an grab on em when you're hittin from the back, or if they're shaved I may kiss em once or twice, but as far as lookin @ em...no ma'am. Never look a gift horse in the mouth.
...This video just chips away at my already dwindling view on monogamy.
Can't ANYONE be faithful these days???

Homework time:) (Oh,and if you were wondering...its been 5 months and 2 days...just an FYI)
FROG LEAP

Courtesy of SexInfo101.com.
Prime position for tickling the testes:)

Miss Sixxxty, your very own freak of the industryy

Friday, August 13, 2010

Beware Of The Banshees!!!

O.M.G.
I just had to share this little nugget o' joy with you babes an gents.
I will never have a banshee of my own, but lemme tell you I LOVE this girl.
Take a peek:

The 1:55 mark is CLASSIC!!!
OR watch it here via mobile web.

Granted the little banshee didn't know what the hell was going on but you gotta admit, if that was your banshee that would probably be MORTIFYING. Which brings me to my next point.
I can remember the first time I ever heard my parents having sex. I was 11 and it was the day before I was to start the 6th grade in my new town. My mother was moaning and my dad made this "GAAAAAAAH!!" noise like he was trying to scare someone. When I came downstairs in the morning I saw my mom doing these weird stretches w/ a big ass smile on her face. I shuddered all day at school. I'm surprised the kids in my class didn't think I was some sort of crackhead from Oakland the way I was tweaking that day.
Matter of fact I'm getting those tweaker chills as I type this.
I remember hearing them as I got older and I finally had to confront my mom one day because it was nasty as shit and freaking me the fuck out.

Mom. We need to talk.
About what?
I hear you. And dad. At night.
...Doing what?
Mother. You know what I mean!
*Nervous laughter*


She never took me seriously.
Cause they continued to have sex.
Summer before my junior year in high school it was like they were boning every night!
All you hear was *thud thud thud* and I had nowhere to go because they would set the stupid house alarm.
I was trapped in my very own version of hell.
The TV room happened to be below their bedroom and I would try to turn the volume up to no avail.
Its like shit mom! Be considerate and at least wait til I knock myself out with drugs or when I gotta work late or something!

Now, let my padres catch me having sex (in my own room, albeit) and all hell will break loose. Stupid double standards.

Anyways, I didn't think I'd feel like writing today given the recent events that have taken place in my life, but I'm glad I found something that made me (and hopefully you) smile today.

Homework time babes an gents.
DRILL

Courtesy of SexInfo101.com.
Drill to thrill? Yes please! THIS is why I need sex with a man. Not a toy Lemme wrap my legs around you, damnit.

Emails tooooo AskMissSixxxty@yahoo.com

Miss Sixxxty, your very own freak of the industryy

Wednesday, August 11, 2010

Sin City...Or Is It?

Babes an Gents...
Just came back from Sin City.
Las Vegas.
One of the greatest cities in the world.
And I finally went without any parental supervision.
I just knew I was gonna get laid.
But let me tell you how the weekend REALLY went.

SATURDAY
Touched down in Vegas. The "guaranteed" penis I was supposed to get just so happend to get his car towed and was stuck in LA for the weekend. So checked into the hotel. Got ready, made sure the tittays were out on FULL display. walked the strip a bit, then got ready for the evening.
Wearing my lil freakum dress I met up with my friend who just moved out there (who also happens to be 21) and the drinks started flowin.
I had this big ass pink lemonade slushie thing from Rock House and lemme tell you it. Was. DEELISH!!
We traveled off the strip to this lil function thrown by the locals. Free champagne and 2 dollar drink specials were calling my name!
So one slushie, some nuvo, an half of some weird ass fruity concoction later my ass was lit.
I was lookin around an even though I was drunk I was still disappointed with the selection. I knew I didn't wanna go home with a local, I wanted to be ravished in a hotel room.
So my friend an his friends carried me to the elevator an we headed to The Orleans where I proceeded to hurl in the middle of the restaurant.
My friend ever so kindly held my hair back for me lol
Since I didn't have my room key with m my friend took it upon himself to take me to his house so I'd be safe.
And that's why he's my best friend.

SUNDAY
I was DETERMINED to get some dick today.
We stayed at the MGM Grand and I decided to strut my lil hot ass to the pool (yes the tittays were bustin out but who cares...)
I ran into this fine caramel man, who happened to be a local (blah). We exchanged numbers but I must not've taken it down right because he never answered my text. Bitch.
Then after walking the pool areas, I decided to head to the food court to grab some food.
As I'm standing in line at McDonalds, I see a cute lil sandanista. I smile at him an whatnot, then outta nowhere this BEAUTIFUL buff tan sandanista came outta nowhere an stood between us an smiled.
I did the squeal o' joy in my head an smiled again.

"Can I just say you're beautiful?"
*black girl blush* "Why thank you:)"
"Can we make out?"
yes
"...Right here?"


And this man proceeds to shove his tongue down my throat.
Hey, its Vegas. Who gives a fuck if I'm in the middle of a crowded food court?
After making out for a bit he puts his arm around me an claims me as his woman to anyone who will listen. I'm sober so now I'm a lil embarrassed.
He brings me back to a table of his friends (who were very nice, btw) and then he takes my fries an starts munching away!
This loser forgot to order his food while we were in line, I guess I distracted him...
He begins to suck on my neck (which y'all know is my WEAKNESS)

"Can I sleep with you?"
yes.
"My, you're very straight forward! Umm...right now?"


He starts sucking on my shoulder an biting me. I was about 2 seconds away from clearing off the table and straddling this man.
Then a group of people come over to inform us the bus is about to leave.
This man came on a party bus and I didn't even get my penis!!!
Ugh...I later found out his name was Juan...
If you're reading this then yes, I wanted to fuck you.
Very badly.
See, Sunday was the day to get shitfaced so that I wouldn't have remembered how much it sucked not to get laid.
So sadly, I didn't get any raunchy hotel sex in Vegas.
I give up on hunting for penis.
Which should mean it should start falling in my lap now.
For those of you saying God is tryna tell me something, don't bring God into my sinning!
Anywhoo, next time I go to Vegas I am most DEF getting some dick.
Because I will have my ID handy.
Hmph. *pouts*

Homework time! I really wish you hookers that have done your homework would email me an tell me what you think of these positions. Cause when I finally get laid I'm goin in to straight beast mode on his unsuspecting ass.
BODYGUARD

Courtesy of SexInfo101.com.
As each day passes these positions just keep getting yummier an yummier to me...

Muah.
Miss Sixxxty, your very own freak of the industryy

Sunday, August 1, 2010

My Rendezvous With A Rapper...An Then Some

School is about to start pretty soon, so I'm taking all my road trips NOW.
I went to visit one of my friends, who happens to be a rapper. Me and my friend met up with him at his studio, and things got awkward.
He invited me to come but when I got there he just holed up in the booth writing rhymes.
Me and my friend were just staring at each other like hmm...okay what now?
Well one of the dudes had a huge ass garbage bag full of weed, still on the branch.
Now after that incident with The Carnie I will never touch weed again.
Now my friend on the other hand, her eyes lit up. The dude gave her a branch an she was a happy camper.
I'm still bored as hell, some of the guys who were in the studio were making small talk with us, which was kinda funny...
And then the rapper sends me a text from the other room

"What's up with that becky"

Welp, looks like I'm not getting laid tonight...
Selfish ass.

Then there's Sir Wishy Washy aka The Grizzly Bear.
He was finally within arms reach.
But as we all know, he will make up excuses for anything and everything to not go through with it.
Which is what his bitch ass did.
I cut my fucking road trip a day short because of his pleas that "It'll be worth it"
On the way back home I run over a damn raccoon. All in the name of dick.
The agenda for the night was supposed to be:

1. Go to the golf course.
2. Have sex.


Simple enough right?
Well he picks me up, starts kissing me as soon as I hop in the car and I'm like let's just go already.
So we alternate from making out at stop signs to blow jobs an hand jobs in between.
We make it to the golf course, he lays down the sleeping bag, and of course like a good partner, I start off with a little oral.
Well shit that was a literal BUST.
The head didn't even last that long before he finished.
Then I get the whole "Oh, it my take me a while to get hard again" which I had no problem waiting on cause like I said, I did it in the name of penis.
So we're just layin there, talkin an whatnot, and apparently he didn't like the fact that I brought up how he bitched out on me TWICE before. Since we were on private property he "saw somebody" (I didn't see ANYONE) and we had to hurry up and leave. Then it was all "I drink here all the time this is gay no one ever comes here."
I'm running around half naked, no shoes no bra. I felt like a crackhead. When we finally make it to the car, all of a sudden he needs to "go" because his brother is "acting a fool" at his friend's house.

"Please don't be mad at me."
*Blank stare* "...I'm not mad..."
"You look mad."
"I'm. Not. Mad."
"Can I at least tell you what's going on?"
"Nope. Just keep it to yourself. I'll just keep sippin on my tea...
"

He drops me back off at my car, and I just sit there like WTF just happened?!
Like how could I be THISCLOSE and not get what I came here for?
I gave that bitch the benefit of the doubt til I found out his brother was perfectly fine last night and he just got his boxers in a bunch because he didn't like the fact I low key brought up his ex.
WHAT THE FUCK KINDA BULLSHIT EXCUSE IS THAT?!
If anything that should give you MORE of a reason to fuck me!!!
So I landscaped, ran over a raccoon AND potentially got arrested for NO FUCKING REASON.
Men will lie about the stupidest shit.
And this dude will continue to make up any excuse to flake on me.
He clearly had no idea what to do w/ a pussy that was sitting right on his dick.
What a shame.

I honestly have no idea what the fuck this man is so scared of, but I'm not stickin around to find out.

3 Strikes, You're Out.

What the fuck ever man.
I can't keep dealing with fucktards and pussies.
Whatever.

Emails please. AskMissSixxxty@yahoo.com

Homework (that will never get put to use this side of the equator)
AMAZON

Courtesy of SexInfo101.com.
I really just cannot believe this shit keeps happening. Enjoy babes an gents

Sincerely,
Miss Sixxxty, you're very sexually frustrated freak of the industryy.