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Friday, December 23, 2011

Word Vomit pt. I

OMG yes I know that December is almost over, 2011 is almost over and I only have this one blog post to show for it. I've been dealing with quite a lot lately, so Ima try to cram as much as possible without making your brain hurt.

Punk Ass Bitch a.k.a. Happenis
Not even gonna lie he was mainly responsible for my break in posting. If you follow my tumblr you already know why. For those that don't, what basically happened was this.

(Side Note: fuck it, this is just gonna be like a 3 part blog I post in queue over the weekend. Enjoy and Merry Christmas, happy holidays and all that jazz...)

I was dealing with a drought as I have been lately and I heard Happenis was in town. I was at work and hour and a half away and he told me to come home. So I did, flying 90mph all the way to get to him as soon as possible just to have him tell me "nvm". Bitch. That was the night the whole fiasco with the Sexsomniac happened. The next day I hit up Happenis to see if he was still in town (he was) and I went to go see him. Usually when I go pick him up we leave, he always calls when he's finished partying and ready for a nightcap. Well tonight was different. I told him I was outside and he tells me to come in. Weird. As soon as he opened the door I was just like Hey" and he says "Can I kiss you?" Very weird. I kinda peck him and he tells me no, that he wants a REAL kiss. So he grabs my face and KISSES me and tells me he's feeling romantic today. He introduces me to the people in the house and starts acting even weirder. He's kissing me on the forehead, holding my hands, calling me babe every two seconds, just acting all kinds of lovey dovey which is HIGHLY outta his character. I can count on one hand on the different occasions where we've kissed. He even put his stupid beanie on my head and called me his little "beanie baby". Then he dropped this bomb that I didn't know how to take at the time.

"You piss me off a thousand times a month but I still fucking love you."

He might have had fucking in it but he said IT. I didn't say it back I was just kinda shell shocked and asked him why I piss him off. Then it's going back to being lovey dovey. Once his friends retire to their rooms we have sex behind the couch and then head off to go get tacos. On the way there he's holding my hands as we drive, kissing me at red lights..I would be a damn lie if I said I didn't enjoy every minute of it tho...still calling me babe as we chill at the taco shop. I had absolutely no idea where all this emotion was coming from, but I figured I would just roll with it. That's all I've ever done. I watch him and I act accordingly.

That's where I fucked up. I should've never let my guard down to begin with. Shortly after everything went to shit. He came into town for Thanksgiving and I decided I wanted to show him I'm thankful for his dick that I have grown so fondly of. Never during the course of this "fucklationship" have I ever sent him any kind of sexy pics. I always had this feeling that if I did he would just make me feel stupid like "Okay why did you send me this". But I decided to just do it. I hit him up after all the Thanksgiving festivities had subsided and I sent him a pic. The response I got was fucking hilarious I will admit, but I still hate his ass:

"You want my cock sooooo bad. But it'll cost you though. I don't do black friday deals"

The cost? Condoms. The fuck? I thought it was weird cause we NEVER used em. We tried twice and it didn't last long whatsoever. Red flag. I was thinking either he had something and didn't wanna tell me...or it was something else. I knew I didn't give him anything because the few times I did fuck around I made sure I handled my business. And I never pressed the condom issue with him because I always got tested and my tests were always blemish free, and he told me he wasn't fucking around and that he felt comfortable with me and blah blah blah BULLSHIT. Somewhere deep down I knew he was fucking around but I thought I was the only person he wasn't using protection with. I'm still not sure of it now. He asks me to bring him a taco too and I obviously oblige him like an idiot. I pick him up and get into a little backseat action. He put on the condom, I lubed up and slid down the pole. At this point the sex was still really good, but just became like standard. Once we finished we drove around listening to slow jams. This is the same dude who wouldn't have sex with me with music on in the background because it's "too emotional" or whatever the fuck he said. The music I was tryna play wasn't even slow jams! Anyways he's smoking a black and mild, I'm enjoying the music and my post sex high. We drive to this little outlook over the river and he tells me this:

"Have you ever been in love before? Because there's this girl...I love her dude...Like really love her. I mean, I couldn't be in love with know? Cause this is just sex and all...

I was just in shock. I asked him why the fuck he was telling me that and honestly I don't even remember his response. It was all just a blur. Him saying he couldn't be in love with me didn't bother me as much as him telling me he was in love with another bitch before his dick even had a chance to get soft. Who the fuck does that?! I honesty do not give a fuck even if it WAS just sex why would you blatantly be an asshole?! I just sat in my car in silence. I felt like a prisoner in my own damn car. He tried asking me what was bothering me, and if I wanted to hug it out. No you smug ass bastard I do NOT WANNA hug the shit out. I just dropped him off and left feeling odd. In my mind I was the main bitch, the first of many. Come to find out I was one of many, just a number. I wasn't even his favorite! I think how could we see each other so much and you find time to LOVE someone else? What really got me was the fact that after he shared his "feelings" with me I opened myself up and only got burned. The feelings I told myself I couldn't have for that man, I let myself feel them with no shame. Why?! Why the fuck did I do that...So what he told me he loved me I should've kept my stupid ass feelings to myself unless he tried to commit. Then I could've saved myself a ton of fucking trouble. But I mean can you honestly blame me? He was being so extra that night...If I have any male readers out there enlighten me. Would you act like you had feelings for someone when you really don't? Mind you, it's not like he was getting anything from me out the ordinary. We already know he doens't have to pull the lovey dovey shit with me to get what he wants all he really has to say is "come over" and like a damn dog I'm on my way. So if he has nothing to gain by acting that way why would he do it?

It gets worse.

Remember when I went to his house up in east jesus nowhere and we got into that argument of him accusing me of sleeping with my friend? Well I went back up there once he was gone and went to party it up. He came back unexpectedly (from the alleged love of his life's house) and I didn't know how I felt about it so I went to bed early. The next morning he comes downstairs when I'm watching tv and he tells me good morning. If looks could fucking kill...I couldn't figure out why he was even talking to me I would've rather he ignored me. But I said sup as not to be rude and he goes on about his business. I decide to make tacos for lunch and my friend asks me why I was being such a bitch to him this morning when he was just trying to be nice. I wanna know why I have to be nice after that shit he pulled...I tell him I'm making tacos and he's welcome to join us. He says cool thanks, but hangs out at the neighbors house all day simply because I'm in his house. I Go on a walk with two girls I meet up there and one of them shares a situation with her dude that's similar to mine. So I open up about the situation I'm in and feel somewhat better. She tells me I'm better off without him anyways and I'm a great girl. We'll get back to this bitch later.

Only after the tacos are finished does Happenis make a guest appearance. I even made guac for that asshole knowing he likes it on his tacos. He gives me a sheepish half assed thank you that everyone can hear, eats the taco and goes back next door. Bitch was first in line for them. I retreat upstairs and come down a lil later that night to see him playing bp with the girl he fucked the night he moved up there. He told me he only fucked her once on her birthday, but honestly I didn't care if he fucked her once or a hundred times. They're acting all extra and I'm just like hmm...okay. Mind you this bitch doesn't like me. The first time I went up there she was always at their house and the weekend I come up she's magically "busy" and doesn't come back til I leave. But she sees me and she's like oh hey how are you feeling?" Once again, if looks could kill you phony ass bitch...But so I didn't look like a bitch in front of everyone I said I was fine. Her ass was being all extra