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Saturday, June 23, 2012

WTF Am I Even Doing...

I no longer know what the fuck I'm doing with my life.
Every time I wanna do something special it falls thru.
Every time I go that extra mile it goes unnoticed.
Every time I wanna see you I get ignored.

This fucking sucks. I need a boyfriend. Asap.
One that will kiss my legs. And cook me scrambled eggs lol.
And I will fuck him blind. And feed him sammitches and gatorade.
Fair enough. At least I think.

Time to peel off the war paint.
Miss Sixxxty, your very own freak of the industryyy (and stop reading my blogs sir)

Tuesday, June 19, 2012

I Need An Adam Sackler.

One night I stumbled upon HBO's Girls OnDemand. And I fell in love after the first episode. The season finale? They played my ratchet girl anthem "Yankin'" by Lady. At a WEDDING. I especially fell in love with title character Hannah Horvath's (Lena Dunham) love interest Adam Sackler (Adam Driver). He is like Happenis reincarnate. The guy I kinda wish he was. But isn't. Oh well. But he's like perfect. I'm still mad I have yet to see his dick but I've seen her dad's old ass balls...It would suck if I'm fantasizing about this man and he has a peepee...He's a nymphomaniac and an alcoholic (I could do without the latter but I'm not judging). He says random hilarious shit whenever him and Hannah have sex, which reminds me so much of HIM. And the gay part is after complaining about her "boyfriend" in her head not appreciating her she actually gets the guy! And the ungrateful bitch just backs down! As if he was merely a plot in her book. I would fucking KILL to be in her position as much as I hate to admit it. And I hate to admit that I'm in love with a fucking television character:( He is far from perfect which makes him so perfect. I don't want the McDreamy, who knows all the right things to say, who wants to make tender love to me all the time. I need the Adam, who will cuss right back at me, who will argue with me, and who will pee on me in the shower (and I would actually find it funny). I want him to call me "Kid" instead of "babe". I need a weirdo type romance.I want to role play weirdo situations, like scolding him as I watch him jack off in front of me. I don't want the fairy tale story book romance. I need THIS. I wish he was a real person. I'd go find him and tie him to the bed for three days just cause I feel like it. It seems they always end their conversations with "Alright let's go fuck". I want that!!!! And now that the season ended with Adam seemingly breaking up with Hannah (the weirdo in me wants him to be single; the sane part knows if that happens he may not be on the show much longer). Like before Hannah left one day he grabbed her face and was like "Quit tryna kiss me, don't kiss me...d'aaaaaah okay" and kissed her. It was cute. HE is cute. She can yell at him and pour out her heart and all he wants to do is fuck her because her yelling was turning him on. I am a fucking loon.

Which brings me to wonder: Can long term booty calls lead to long term relationships? Adam and Hannah were fucking for 6 months and finally her whining made something happen. And they seemed pretty happy. If you've been fucking the same person for a year plus, what's stopping you from being with them? You obviously like them enough to keep coming back a year later. You're both (hopefully) single. You have fun when you guys hang out and do other things besides have sex. If she can cook, keep a clean house, is good with kids, and has shown you that she is just an overall good woman, then what is truly stopping you? I feel like you can't let the fact that she fucked you on the first night so long ago or that this was strictly supposed to be casual stop you from trying. There's nothing worse than asking yourself what if. You could have been going through a string of failed relationships over the course of your "fucklationship" with the other girl, looking for that perfect girl, when she may have been under your nose the entire time. And if during that time you have yet to have a successful relationship, there really can't be any harm in just trying right? Worst case scenario it doesn't work out, and you guys can break up. And it's finished.
All I'm saying is, if you have a legit reason, then fine. But if the only thing stopping you a year later is "She fucked me on the first night" then you're stupid. And you might as well give it a go. Shit.

But anyways in order to understand why I love Adam so much you would have had to have watched the show. For those who haven't seen it, I sat thru 5 hours of reruns just to give you my favorite Adam-isms. In order.

"It gives me the freedom that I don't have to be anyone's slave. You should never be anyone's FUCKING slave. Except mine."

Adam: Lay on your stomach...grab your legs.Okay this is good. I'm gonna go get some lube...When I get back I want you in the exact same position. Just with the rest of the shit off.
Hannah: Will you get a condom?
Adam: I'lllllllllll...consider it!

Adam: Yeah you like that?
Hannah: I like it. I like everything you're doing.
Adam: I knew when I found you you wanted it this way
Hannah: Found me where?
Adam: In the street. Walking alone.
Hannah: We didn't met in the street we met at a party. Oh i got it- the street yeah walking the street.
Adam: You were a junkie. You were only 11. And you had your fucking cabbage patch lunch box
Hannah: Yeah and I was really scared when I saw you.
Adam: Fuck. You're a dirty little whore and I'm gonna send you home to your parent's covered in cum.
Hannah: Oh don't do that they're gonna be so angry.
Adam: Where do you want me to cum? face? pretty little tits? tummy? touch yourself!
Hannah: Where?
Adam: You know fucking where. From now on you have to ask my permission when you wanna cum. If you're touching yourself and you think you're gonna cum you better fucking call me first.
*post orgasm* You want a gatorade? 
(sounds like something I'd do. I wanna do this)

Hannah: What do you normally do?
Adam: I do......what I'm told....*grunt, grunt, pant, pant, thrust*

Hannah: We always use condoms.
Adam: Do we?
Hannah: Yeah. We used one last night.
Adam: Oh yeah, I guess we do. That's probably why it takes me 25 years to nut whenever I have sex with you.
(reminds me of the "I think you have a million of my kids swimming inside you right now" convo)

"Ooooooh you look awesome. Come the fuck upstairs. But wait. I have to warn you about something. If you come up here I'm gonna tie you up to my bed for at least three days cause I'm just in that kinda mood" (do it!!)

"These things (Fwb) have an expiration date. Six months, or until someone stops having fun...It's a bummer, but people do outgrow each other." ( :/ )

"Does it turn you watch me touch my own cock?"

"Okay kid will do, I miss you. I wish you were here right now. I saw your name earlier on my phone and I was like where the fuck is that girl...I wish she was here right now..."

"You don't wanna know me. You wanna come over in the night and have me fuck the dog shit out of you and then you wanna leave and write about it in your diary. You don't wanna know me." (!!!!!!!!)

Look kid, I don’t know what you want from me. Do you want me to be your boyfriend? Is that it?! Do you want me to be your fucking boyfriend?!” (yes. yes I do.)

Hannah: If you don't like ice cream what do you like?
Adam: I like you.

"I promised myself that I would follow my gut. No matter what. And I do what makes me feel good"

 "Yo skank where you at? Getting that pussy pounded? (it's my sister)"

"Don't waste time on guilt, Hannah. Holding onto toxic relationships is what keeps us from growing. You're blooming every time you shed a layer. Even closer to yourself."

"Jesus kid, save your strength. We're in it for the long haul."

“If you wanna fuck me from behind, at least put my hair back.”

Adam: You love yourself so much so why is it so crazy that someone else would too?
Hannah: I don’t love myself.
Adam: You’re the fucking worst. You know that? Because you think you’re not pretty. And you’re not a good writer. And you’re not a good friend. Well, you are pretty. And you are a good writer. And you are a good friend.
Hannah: Well thank you.
Adam: Is this the game? You chase me like I’m the fucking Beatles for six months and then I finally get comfortable and you shrug? What the FUCK is wrong with you?!
Hannah: I’m scared okay? I’m really scared all the time. I’m like very scared all the time.
Adam: Join the fucking club.
Hannah: No. Because I’m more scared than most people are when they say that they’re scared. I’m like the most scared person who’s alive.
Adam: Well you don’t have the right to be. I told you once I really commit to something I really fucking commit! You asked for this. And now your being a fucking bitch.
Hannah: Adam, come on. OK. you’re scared. I’m looking at you, I know your scared. You’re acting like you’re not but you are. I know you now we’ve been doing this for a while, I know you now.
Adam: Stop! Stop! You don’t know me! You don’t know shit about me!
Hannah: Get out of the street!
Adam: You don’t know me and you don’t know yourself. You think because you're, what, 11 pounds overweight you know struggle?
Hannah: I am 13 pounds overweight and it has been awful for me my whole life!
Adam: Holy fucking shit! Here’s the world smallest tiny violin playing My Heart Bleeds for You! Fuck you! You don’t know struggle. I’m a beautiful fucking mystery to you.

"You wish I had a fucking, NO! Family only. Family only right? *looks at medic*  Op family only you're not my fucking family. Don't let her in she's a monster."

And if you don't love Adam after reading ALL my favorite quotables, well then fuck you too more for me! But you can see the development in the character with just these quotes. Maybe I love him so much because this is the person I want Happenis to become. Maybe I like him because he's attractive. Maybe I just have a thing for skinny athletic built assholes. The world may never know.

"I have to warn you. The first time I fuck you I may scare you a little. Because I'm a man. And I know how to do things."
(That wasn't an Adam quote, it was some other dude, but you see why I love this fucking show)
Miss Sixxxty, your very own freak of the industryyy

Wednesday, June 13, 2012

I Am The "A-Ha Moment" Bitch

Here we go again...
Just to snowball of the blog I wrote the other day, I have realized something. I am a "fantasy" girl. And I'm going to try to write this in the most humble way possible but I already know it's going to sound cocky as shit. THAT'S NOT MY ANGLE OKAY!!! What I mean is, there will be a guy who is in a good relationship, and I might come in at a point where it's rocky, or he just may be a complete dumb ass and just wanna try cheating. I'm the fun party girl type, I'm pretty, I dance, I'm sexually liberated/open, I mean as far as sex goes I'm a pretty damn good catch. The girlfriend just may lack one or more of these things which is why the dude is tempted my way. I don't lure these men in, it just seems I attract taken men more often than not. Anyways, if they hang around me long enough they're eventually going to try something. Back in the day when I was just a wee lass and learning how to properly use my shit I rally gave no fucks if a guy had a girlfriend. Because I felt I was single and it wasn't my problem. If I knew your man wanted to fuck me and I wanted him I would do it and not even feel bad. That was high school shit. I've grown up a bit more, polished my game, and (knowingly) taken men are off the menu. Homewrecking days are over (although I never knew if any of the guys girlfriends ever found out about me) the thrill just isn't there anymore. I get low key disgusted when men try to mess with me knowing they have a girlfriend it's like really dude? And when I know he's taken I don't even give him the time of day. Keep it movin' suga.
But anyways, as I got older I started noticing a certain type of dude. I've come across him a couple times which is too damn many if you ask me. What happens is they'll talk a big game, tell me all the shit they wanna do to me, and then when shit goes down they realized "Oh shit I'm in waaaay too deep" (No pun intended lol) and realize they've just fucked up. And most 0of the time I won't even know until after.

The first time it happened it was with this guy I went to high school with sending me a random AIM, which was weird cause I had stopped using it in high school, but I guess it still sent the messages to my phone when I was signed out. We talked back and forth for a couple days and would occasionally talk about sex. He told me he had a girlfriend I'm pretty sure, because he would talk about how she doesn't want to sleep with him, or how he wanted to have sex cause he was SOOOOO horny and I suggested he go and fuck his girlfriend. Idk but the sexual tension built up and finally we met up one night. I landscaped beforehand and showed up to his house. When he came outside to get me the first thing I thought was "oh my...someone has put on a little weight..." but I was already there so I went inside. We sat and talked for a minute then I think he kissed me, and I just remember him going down on me A LOT. Finally I was just like fuck it let's have sex RIGHT NOW. His pants were still on and I asked him to take them off. He told me to do it for him and I swear to god...his peepee was so small I just wanted to pull them back up. I just looked at his feet so he wouldn't see my face. Like I know you're a little guy, I get that, but that doesn't mean you have to be little all over!

SIDEBAR: Hand jobs. Would imply the use of four fingers and a thumb. What do we call it when I can only use two fingers and a thumb? A finger job? A pinch job? Suggestions?

So I tried messing with his lil peepee, then we 69'd for a bit, but his little peepee just would not hold blood. When he finally got a lil tiny bit of an erection, he put on the condom but went back soft as soon as he tried to stick it in. We finally just called it a night, and while I was driving home he sent me something along the lines of how much he loved his girlfriend, and he couldn't get it up because he kept thinking about her, and how he's so happy I made him realize that. I was just pissed cause I shaved for some bullshit. I wasn't tryna talk, I wasn't tryna be all like "Oh, I'm glad I could help" or none of that shit. Look,k you little peepee ass boy, we are done here. No more talking!!! He even started talking crazy like "Oh my god I want to marry her! Do you think I should propose to her?" Jigga WHAT? I am not your best friend I do not fucking know! After that I tried ignoring him and he still kept hitting me up like nothing happened, so I had to let him know I didn't wanna be his friend because we were never really friends in the first place and he needed to go away. Fuck. Then he vanished thankfully. But damn.

Then we have the Piss In Boots sitchy, which already confirmed what I already kinda knew. That the "friend" was more than a friend to him, he loved her, and blah blah blah he felt so guilty after she showed up when I left that he didn't even fuck her that night...He texted me and apologized for being disrespectful in his ignoring me, and how he was thinking with his dick and he didn't understand what he was getting himself into, that I still have to drink those juicer concoctions and how he'll still buy me lunch next time "just no bedroom festivities". UGH!!!!!!!!!!!! Keep your money man...I told him what I was looking for, he talked a bunch of shit, then realized he wasn't with the shit! In both these situations I never forced them to have sex with me they were the ones who wanted it! If I'm not sure about sleeping with someone (here's a crazy idea) I DON'T GO THOUGH WITH IT! Why am I smart enough to delegate who I can and cannot sleep with, but these men aren't? Most of these characteristics, tendencies, and feelings are associated with women right? But these are MEN with PENISES. I am the most emotionally detached in these situations, and it's fucking annoying to have to deal with a dude and his feelings. That's not what the fuck I signed up for I made that clear before you stuck your dick in me didn't I? I don't want your money, your lunch, or your healthy hippie drinks. Just say hello and good bye to me and we can keep the shit civil. It just makes me wonder if ANY of the things we talked about yesterday were even genuine or if in his mind he was just trying to game me up. Guess I'll never know cause I'm not gonna ask him.
Having sex with me four times then having the "friend" show up made him feel guilty and finally admit to the feelings he had for her. The sad part is I don't think she wants to even be monogamous, but hey, if he likes it I love it. I just don't think it's the wisest decision to withhold your seed for one person when they clearly don't seem to have a problem spreading it all over town. But what in the fuck do I know right?
I just wonder what would've happened had I not gone out to get food and condoms and the "friend" walked in to see me sprawled out like a naked beached whale on his bed. Pretty sure I'd be the "What Now?" bitch. The "What Now?" bitch is the girl who will be in the middle of having sex with a guy, his girl walks in and sees what's going on, storms out, and he chases after her either semi or completely nude, and you're left alone and naked in the room going "...What now?" Talk about fucking awkward...
From now on before I jump in bed with someone I'm just gonna ask if they are emotionally invested in someone, if they're sure they want to do this, and if they're lying and they feel bad after to go lay on a therapist's chaise lounge cause I don't wanna hear that shit. 

Man...for all these dudes having these A-Ha I love her moments I should be charging for my services....
Miss Sixxxty, your very own freak of the industryy

Monday, June 11, 2012

Big Papi aka Puss In Boots

Oh. My. God. My sex life is in shambles I do not fucking understand why it is so hard for me to find a damn reliable fuck buddy. No strings attached sex should be fucking easy to do, there shouldn't be any fucking complications. How hard can it possibly be to have some fun casual drama free sex? Happenis is a terrible fuck buddy. And I obviously don't mean the sex is bad, I just mean in terms of being my person.

Our biggest problem used to be the distance. Now that he's back,k it's become the schedule. Before he left I would get some once a week, once every other week, and it wasn't delegated simply to the weekends. I could get some during the middle of the week. Now that I work a million miles away on the weekends, that seems to be the only time he wants some. God forbid I ask him to fuck me during the week I just get ignored til Friday when I'm working and can't do anything about it. A good fuck buddy needs to be flexible. Put out when I ask and I'll do the same. We can't always be on your schedule. I'm not about to sit here twiddling my thumbs waiting on your text because your timing SUCKS. It also makes me feel like a last resort when you only hit me up in a blue moon like "oh well I know she's gonna be there" when clearly I'm NOT. I've had the same schedule for over a year now the shit hasn't changed. It's like he doesn't care, which I'm pretty sure he doesn't, but STILL.
The dick has got to be CRACK. It needs to be good otherwise, why would I come back?
The sex has to be consistent. Like I said earlier, none of that once in a blue moon shit. If we're only going to have sex one day a week can we have sex more than once that day? PLEASE?! Shit!!!I need dick on a regular basis to keep me sane. You have all these dudes talking about how they can last for hours and how they want it all the time too, but when shit gets real you realize they were never about this life! I end up getting cheated on something that was promised to me when I figure out they can't deliver. Which brings me to this next dude.

I've always told myself I needed to find an out of town fuck buddy, especially since the majority of my time out of town consists of working and eating. I needed to squeeze a lil' fun in there. Customers are always off limits, and I don't wanna meet someone while I'm stuffing my what's left? Well, the girl I stay with when I go had this Colombian roommate. He was kinda cute, real hipster like, but I never saw him much due to my schedule. Listening to him talk when I was trying to sleep was kinda funny, but cute cause usually whatever he was talking about he'd be really passionate about it. Anyways, I started doing little stuff here and there, whether it was lotioning my legs in the living room, wearing yoga pants, ect. And I knew he took notice. Eventually he started asking about when I'd be coming down and whatnot, and one morning when I got in he was up waiting asking me if I was okay and if I needed a pillow or anything. One day I dozed off on the couch and he was getting ready to take my flip flops off and prop my feet on the couch so I'd be comfortable. Awww!
BUT!!! This was all while he had a "friend" over. And this "friend" walked into the house one morning like she lived there, and didn't leave til AFTER I had left. And this "friend" also held him hostage the entire weekend. I only saw him when she was sleep. I thought it was his girlfriend but he claims otherwise...okay sir. Whatever makes you feel better.
So this past weekend I ended up coming a day earlier than usual, and was up early. He got up (and surprise surprise the "friend" isn't homeless she actually went back to her house!) and we hung out. He's obsessed with juicing and would not leave me alone until I tried his juicing "creation", which tasted like a gallon of sweet cum. I like my juice thin and non-pulpy please. Then he invited me to join him for lunch at this cafe around the corner. So we walked and talked and he threw in that he thought my body was ridiculous (thanks, I know lol). We ordered lunch that I ended up paying for because he forgot his debit card (If you're reading this (which I know you are) you still owe me 10 bucks.) and went back home. He asked me a lot of sex related questions, and I made it clear I was only looking for fun right now, nothing serious, and that I need good consistent dick. He made it out to be he wasn't attached, so I was like cool. We're still running our mouths when we get back and my friend who wasn't up yet told us to keep it down. So we went in his room and she texts me "okay now you can kiss lol" but I kept telling myself no, I wasn't gonna do it.  Then he was like, come take a hit with me. Whyyyy did I do that?! First hit was fine, took half by myself, and he shotgunned me the other. Then I took one bowl straight to the face which may not seem like much to you potheads, but for someone who doesn't smoke...MAN. I couldn't even hold it in as soon as I inhaled I had to let it go. It was like my face was exploding and sliding off my skull. I felt so fucking nauseous that I couldn't do anything but sit in the window sill and wait for it to happen. Luckily I didn't, but I was BEYOND high after that. I couldn't keep my eyes open, I could barely keep my head up. I don't even remember what we talked about after that. I remember he took a picture to show me how squinty my eyes were (my face looks bloated af) and he went thru my pics. He popped in a movie and sat on the bed next to me, and I remember talking about being tense. He sat me between his legs and started massaging my back. He told me it wasn't tense and then said something about carrying a lot of tension in my thighs. so he started massaging those too, and then he touched my boobs and it was a wrap. The weed made my nips ultra sensitive so from that point it was kinda just like aaaaaaah take it. He climbed on top and kissed me, then my neck (duhikfediafgheruifegbfd) then my ears and back to my neck. Then we were naked. Everything was kinda just a blur, but I remember, legs on the shoulders, "how do you like it baby", more kissing, me on top, then from the back then done. It was so funny to me, maybe cause I was high, but he normally talks like your average skater from SoCal, but I swear when he was talking to me during sex either his accent came out or he was speaking in Spanish, hence why I call him Puss In Boots. That's exactly how I remember him sounding lol. And that was only round one. He apologized for it being so short and he was trying to find another condom. Oh hey! I have four in the car!  I thought it would be a good idea to walk outside to grab them. WRONG! I was walking outside touching my mouth and chin like a damn retard trying to act like I just didn't get fucked, then thought about how I must look to other people and started laughing to myself. Then thought "Ma'am, you look like a damn crackhead just laughing to yourself walking down the street with condoms in your hand" and that made me laugh harder. SO I ran to the door to get back inside before someone called the police. Back inside, we had sex three more times, with each consecutive sesh being longer than the last. I remember I was on my back, and he stood on his knees in front of me and asked me to kiss it. This was the first time I noticed he trimmed & was thick :D and that he wasn't circumcised :O (I'm noticing this a lot more lately......ugh). I was so stoned I couldn't even lift my hands to pull the skin back or to even add to the experience, so I just did a whole lot of tongue flips to try and make up for it. He seemed to like the Triangle of Pleasure in my mouth. That's what I named my tongue rings in case you were wondering. At one point he had me in a chair next to the paper thin wall that separates his room from my friends, and with the surfboard hitting the wall, and me trying to be a nice house guest by being as quiet as possible it was actually kinda hard. The sex was actually pretty decent, and he doesn't mind a lil foreplay which is CRUCIAL these days. When we finished we just kinda laid there, he took my phone and saved his number under "Big Papi", talked about needing to do yoga before he fucks me again, and some other shit. I remember him taking a picture of me laid across the bed. He said I looked sexy, I felt like a beached fucking whale. Now that I think about it, I wonder if he still has that picture. I wish common sense had kicked in and not agreed to do the shit.l But I was like yessssssssss, I found me some out of town peen, and he can go round for round, and I'm here every weekend finally some good consistent dick FOR THE MOTHERFUCKING WIN!!!!!

...that was until two and a fucking half hours later, after I had gotten dinner and more condoms when I came back and saw the "friend" was back. And he ignored me after that. No more asking if I needed a pillow, no more hanging around when she was sleep, nothing. I'm thinki8ng to myself like dude, you have that bitch in your bed less than two hours after you fucked me FOUR times?! Is the wet spot even dry yet?! Once again she held him hostage doing whatever it was that they do and I was just confused the rest of the weekend.
From what my friend told me was he's tryna get over the "friend" cause he knows the "friend" fucks other guys. Well shit sir caught up on your ex still I can get you passsssst it! Like it was a perfect set up. I come here every weekend, I need sex all the time and you seemed more than willing to put out IT'S A SURE FUCKING THING. But no, alas he wasn't about that life, which I kinda knew, but then again I was so high I didn't even care. I was irritated that she was there, but more mad at the fact that I knew I wasn't gonna be getting any more dick on this visit. I had a box of magnums just staring at me, taunting me. The rest of the weekend was torture cause all I kept thinking about was how horny I was and how bad I wanted her to leave so I could continue fucking him. Giving a nympho a taste of good dick is like a damn death sentence.
Something that also confused me was the whole "I'm gonna ignore her even if the "friend" isn't around" thing. He either really likes her deep down and felt like he may have cheated and felt guilty and THAT'S why he ignored me...or something. I mean he obviously liked it enough to keep doing it, and before he had no problem talking to me when she was around, so it's like what the fuck gives now? I know I didn't force him to do anything, especially because he initiated it every time.I told him I don't catch feelings, I just want dick. Idk...I do feel low key disrespected though because he didn't even wait for his dick to get soft before she came back around. All I will say is I would never bring two dudes I'm fucking around one another because it's messy. One is bound to feel neglected and they go away, and I would probably want to keep both around, and make them both think they're the best. But hey, that's just me. I just wonder how this is all going to play out in the weeks to come...

At least he can say he's fucked a black girl now.
Miss Sixxxty, your very own freak of the industryy

Friday, June 1, 2012

Never Have I Ever...

...been rejected before. In my life. Until the other night.Happenis Jr. certainly was a damn spot on nickname.

So a little bit of background on him. I was set up on a semi blind date with a retard and Happenis Jr. gave me a shot of gin and ended up chatting me up more than my so called "date" and we ended up exchanging numbers. We would text throughout the day when he talked me thru my first hangover (which was THEE worst; I never get hangovers. Idk what went wrong that night) and I went to visit him at work (upon his request, I wouldn't just "pop up" outta nowhere). We made plans to hang out again that night. Go to a party, drink a lil bit, and he invited me back to his house to go cuddle. Little did I know that's really all he wanted to do:/ We did a lot of that, and it felt nice to not have to sleep alone...although there wasn't any making out. He did, however, enjoy my ass. a LOT. He kissed it, bit it, and stuck his face in it lol. Guys are weird. He then goes on and on about how he's never been with a black girl before and how pretty I am and whatnot, just complimenting me all night.
Anyhow, we hung out again another night and he actually got me to take a hit off a bong and it was a lot better than that time with The Carnie. We watched cartoons and I thought Drawn Together was the funniest show ever invented. He had to be at work early the next morning so he said it was time for bed. I tried seducing him, but nothing. Fail. We hung out again and THIS time we played some old school Sega Dreamcast, and he proceeded to kick my ass in all these games I had never even heard of (except Tetris). After we finished, he suggested I do shrooms. Sir, hell no. Weed is my limit with you. He was trying to explain all the good things shrooms do to you but I wasn't impressed. So he was like "Well you should try wax". I've heard of it but I don't know exactly how they make it or anything, and he was like it's healthier than smoking actual grass. He could've just been talking out his ass but I thought I'd try it. He was like "Let's do it naked". Sure why not. We strip down and take a hit. I got a small one so it didn't do TOO much...but  I knew I'd be hungry so I suggested we get some grub before I get too fucked up to drive. We got dressed then he made me take another hit, this time it was bigger. 'If you don't feel anything after this you're fucking immune to weed cause I just gave you a fat ass hit". Nothing happened until I started driving down the street. All of a sudden my whole body felt weird and the lights were blending together. I thought I was floating away! We get to the drive thru and I order the food and everything was all good til I pulled up to the window. I saw the drive thru employee dude and fucking LOST IT. I couldn't stop laughing for shit. Every time I looked over I laughed. Happenis Jr. kept asking me what was wrong with me and I just kept screaming "I DON'T KNOW DON'T LOOK AT ME!!!!!" It was so bad I couldn't even pull my debit card out my wallet. After struggling a bit I got it out but couldn't put it back in so I just stuck it between my legs. When th guy handed us our food I lost it again and couldn't move. I had to tell him to grab the food between laughing fits and he just kept asking what was wrong with me. The drive thru guy had to have been annoyed with me but I couldn't even explain what was going on without laughing. Happenis Jr. just made a smoking motion and the guy started laughing at me.We get back to his house and I just fucking demolished that ultimate bacon cheeseburger (hold the cheese). I went to go put on the movie again and so while I'm bent over he's just rubbing on my ass, slowly working his hands under my shorts and I look back at him and tell him he's supposed to be naked. He takes his clothes back off and goes on about how he trimmed his man bush (I wish it was completely gone but I hadn't shaved in like four days so ehh...) and then he shows me he's uncut by stuffing his peen into the foreskin. I told him with the most serious face ever not to do that shit again. He goes on telling me how keyed I am and I don't remember how or when I just remember being really wet. So I kinda straddled him, then got off and asked if I could get something out of his drawer.

"As long as it's not weed or cash."

I grabbed a condom and tossed it to the side of the bed. You know, just in case. He got up and then while he was on his knees just kinda wedged himself between my legs as if he wanted to do something but was hesitating. He was rubbing on my legs and asking me things I really can't remember and then he asked if my hood had any scars from having my piercing ripped out. I told him everything down there looks the same and that my vag wasn't purple like he thought so he goes oh let me see! I seriously felt like I was getting a pap the way he was down there examining. He told me I had a Mexican girl vag..whatever that means...then he laid down and told me I was gonna kiss and rub on him and I was like hmm...So I got on top of him and started caressing his arms a bit, then I kissed him and he didn't kiss me back. Odd. Finally enough of the games I asked him for some. He asked if I wanted his peen and I nodded. Then he asked if that's what I grabbed out the drawer and I nodded again. So he tells me to put it on. I was still a little too high and it was dark so he put it on instead and I rode him. It was all good til I got off wanting to switch positions. Then everything went to hell. He starts telling me he's sleepy ad he has work early in the morning. At first I thought he was joking, but he kept saying it over and over and I'm like look you aren't going to sleep. He gets up and starts rambling about how he's not supposed to be having sex and I'm thinking he's gonna start saying it's for religious reasons but no he starts talking about how he wants to "stay clean, no offense to you". And he starts telling me he doesn't really wanna have sex and that he just wants to be friends. I rolled over and kept saying "I understand" when I really had no idea what the fuck just happened. He asks if I'm mad at him. "Nope." and he gets up telling me I made him all wt and he goes to the bathroom. I should've made my break for it then but I was siting in a daze. Did that really just happen? I put my shorts back on and went to sleep. We didn't even cuddle that night.
The next morning I got up and got dressed and when he came back from the bathroom he was like "Oh you're ready to leave?" No shit. I didn't look him in the eyes and gave him a half assed hug before I drove away. I just wanted to cry. I know I washed my ass before I got there, and I barely had any hairs growing...Where the fuck did I go wrong? I know I wasn't being too aggressive, and he was sending me all kinds of hints, not to mention he wasn't complaining when I was on top! So where did all that other shit come from?! "Stay clean" mf'er we were using condoms wtf?! I'm still puzzled. He had invited me to a reggae show the next night and I had completely forgot. I probably would've still blown it off anyways had I remembered. I mean maybe he thought I would catch feelings if we continued? Honestly I only wanted you for sex and if we aren't having sex...then I really have no use for you, do I? The reggae show was at 9, and he called me at like 4:30 in the morning. I didn't answer...wonder what he wanted...

Someone enlighten me as to what the fuck went wrong.
Miss Sixxxty, your very own freak of the industryy