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Tuesday, May 14, 2013

I'm Not Texting You First

I hate the fact that I can go from zero to annoyed in 2.5 seconds. Especially over little shit. Like shit that should be little, but I blow it up all outta proportion nshit...Still trying to figure out coitus courtesy 5 years and counting later...I hate phones. I hate the word "No." or any variation of the word out of a fwb mouth. I have determined sex will just NEVER be in the cards for me at the rate I want it. And damn my self control. That's the only thing that makes me feel a little better, knowing I'm not a sex addict. My reasoning is if I was addicted, and I'm not, but if I was I'd be cruising dark alleys for ass and letting just anyone drill me. And I don't. But then that leaves me in the position to complain all the time, I just wanna meet someone who wants sex as much as I do I say this shit til I'm literally blue in the face but outta all the fish in the sea I gotta deal with this shit. I try to ask for advice on what to do and basically the only answer I get is

"Oh why don't you just text him first? Closed mouths don't get fed"

To hell with that bullshit, okay?! I have tried that texting first bullshit and it DOESN'T WORK. I might just have the world's worst timing but even still, I shouldn't hear no as often as I do. And it's not like from people I fucked once, I've usually had sex with them more than once, which makes me wonder how they can even turn a quickie down. Why the fuck should I even have to ask in the first place? I've you've fucked me before you should know I'm literally ALWAYS down for sex. You have the penis, you know when it gets hard late at night, and you know how to get in contact with me. Since I always end up being the willing party balls basically in your court. I refuse to believe that outta everyone that none of you hoes want to have sex more than once a week/every other week. When I think about it the closest I got to some consistent peen was about once a week on weekends. Now I can't even get that. I think I had sex twice in January. TWICE. It's like coming in last place. And oh sure, I could probably broaden my horizons but shit how broad are we talking?  I'm very picky with the vagine I'd really like to keep it to a minimum. Fortunately I haven't gotten desperate blah blah blah complain complain complain. THIS IS WHAT I DO I COMPLAIN AND BITCH ABOUT THE LACK OF SEX IN MY LIFE. My vag is going to shrivel up and die an old maid. I'm tired of watching porn all the fucking time and getting off alone. At least when I get off with someone I feel happy. When it's just me it's like "mmmMMMMmAAAAAAAHHHhhhhh....okay now look to your left, and look to your right. That's right, you are ALONE." and this weird sense of guilt comes over me and I close my laptop and go to sleep. What did I do in my past life? Do I need to find Rumplestilskin and promise him my first born? Drink the blood of an albino tiger? WHAT. IS. IT?!?!?!?!?!?!
This shit has to be chemical since I haven't had any "traumatic" experiences. I mean what else can explain this madness? Trust I don't wanna crave sex every hour of the damn day I wish I COULD be just happy gettin it on every few weeks or so. "You just got some last week" "SO FUCKING WHAT that was last week we're talking about today now!" Oh hey, why don't I look do Cosmo for some advice, guys give input there right? "I love when a girl texts me first it shows assertiveness and I find that sexy" *throws magazine into the fireplace* BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO booooooooo your advice sucks! Then again why am I talking advice from a sex magazine who featured Dakota Fanning on the cover? I was done with Cosmo a year ago.This is the time where I bang my head mercilessly into the keyboard and roll around the ground like a wounded seal and whine about how unfair this all is. Excuse me.

I'm upset. Fuckkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk.
Miss Sixxxty, your very own freak of the industryy

Wednesday, May 8, 2013

Hey, Your Mouth Is On My Vag There...

What's up my lovelies. Finals week is here and it feels like summer vacation can't get here soon enough. What that will mean for me (hopefully) is not having to wait until the weekend to accost someone for their peen. In the meantime I guess I should fill you in about stuff.
Sooooooo there's this guy right. And let me just say he gives the most amazing head ever. Half is skill, half is the fact that he really likes the way I taste and I have zero complaints about him. So weird how All this shit even started. We ended up going out one night just as friends until we got drunk. I remember sounding like an idiot saying shit like "OMG I JUST THINK YOU'RE SO CUTE you have a cute face omg it's so cuteee." And he responded back with "Can we make out now?" We did, and then when it was time to leave he asked me if I wanted to smoke with him. Now I was drunk and me + alcohol + weed doesn't mix from past experiences but I said yes anyways. So we're sitting in my car smoking and I can't remember if I told him I couldn't do it drunk or if I was just taking baby hits because then he started to shotgun me (mmmmm). One thing led to another and then he slipped me some tongue. After we stopped kissing I just stared at him before hopping my happy ass in the backseat. It was like habit I was so ashamed lol He looked at me and was like "What are you doin back there?" And I just looked down and said I don't know...then he followed me. We made out a little bit more then he pushed me back and I helped him take my pants off. Thankfully I had stuffed some condoms in the backseat but before I could get to them he spread my legs and dove down head first. At first I was a little in shock like "Is he really doing this AHHHHH oh he's REALLY doing this." I let him work his magical tongue...magic and then I obvi returned the favor. His dick is about average, but sometimes it's not about the size of the boat. SOMETIMES. And I use that very loosely.While I'm giving him head he starts skullfucking me and at this point I'm no longer interested in sucking now it's about trying not to throw up. Being drunk is not the best time to start gagging. Once we finished that he told me to lie on my back and he put my legs on his chest. I'm assuming since he was fucked up too that's why he was fucking me so hard lol. But That's what I like, I like to be able to hear our bodies slapping together. Sue me. I didn't realize how fucked up we were til he stopped to open the door and puke. I didn't know what to do in that situation so I just started nervously rubbing his back. I wasn't sure if I should've even done it but if I was puking I'd want someone to hold my hair and rub my back. But holding my hair is more important if I had to choose. When he pops back in the car I get on all fours and we continue having sex. Overall I was very pleased with his performance. He told me my pussy tasted amazing and that he could eat it every day (shit, don't threaten me with a good time) and I kissed him goodbye then drove off, thinking about the next time I could get him to give me head again. Now when I woke up I knew I had sex the night before. But I looked at my neck and I had a few hickies. No big, because I knew how to get rid of them fast. He hit me up and told me I left big ass hickies and bite marks on him. I didn't even remember biting him. He told me only from the neck down. Well shit I had never heard of this rule! And I don't think my drunk ass would've cared either way. But I made a note to be more gentle in the future.
In all he's a pretty good partner, as he's one of the few who gives me head on the reg. The only thing that fucks it up is he acts stupid sometimes when it comes to his "ex". They aren't together when we go out but the next day they are. I'm like look Idc if you have a girlfriend as long as you wanna continue this. I would sincerely hope I'm not fucking one of those unstable facebook know the type. Constantly talking about how thru they are with their significant other, then the next day talking about how in love they are and how they're excited to make it work. I have zero time for the bullshit. I just like people to keep it straight with me, whether you like me or just my vag. And the sad part is it's been 4 months and we still have no straight answer. My take is he just likes to get fucked up and fuck me, and I'm a-ok with it. Whether it's in my backseat or on the edge of the bathroom sink at our friend's house (oop!). D'ahh well as long as he continues eating the P we're good for now.

Sexsomniac is still my clutch tho, despite him saying he's in love (with his gf, not me). But that's neither here nor there. And ohmagoshhhhh y'all guess what (pictuer me saying this with the hella country ass accent that I don't have) for everyone thinking I just like Mexican peen I had some black peen for the first time in a really long time. That sounds horrible...........but when I actually looked at it I haven't had any since like 2011 right before the boobs. So funny everyone thinks I don't like black guys. I do just rarely the ones from where I live. When I think about all the black dudes I've been with the majority of them weren't from here. But the one I had recently was. And that whole situation was just weird but the sex was amazeballs, so I'm trying to spend less time one weird and more time on sex. Speaking of, I STILL have no idea on the proper booty call etiquette post coitus. Someone told me I have to wait at least a week and a half before I hit him up. PFFT fuck all that! Why do I have to pretend like I haven't been thinking about you for the past week when lord knows I wanted to fuck you again right after you wiped me down, and on my way home. And when I woke up the next morning. WHY DO I HAVE TO WAIT. I don't call it desperate I call it greedy. Telling a dude you're a sex addict means nothing these days. And neither does them saying they are one. I had Sexsomniac tell me he wants it all the time, yet we don't have sex every day because he's tired from the gym or whatever bullshit. I actually NEED that shit. multiple times a day if it's good, but I mean hey I'll settle for once a day, maybe even like 3-4 times a week. But NO. I can't have nice things >:(

What the fucking fuck man....
Miss Sixxxty, your very own freak of the industryy