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Wednesday, October 26, 2011

So Not Worth The Wait:/

Okay yes yes I know I have been gone since my whole blow out with that bitch but I'm better now. In a sense. He's still an asshole. But I still wanna ride him like a pony. And I'll explain why. I have struck out 5 FUCKING TIMES since I've met him. FIVE. Well, four and a half because this last time we didn't even get past oral. I feel I am being punished for something. I just have to accept the fact that that bitch's dick was custom made by God himself for Miss GiGi. I have never met a more compatible sex partner than that bitch. Never. The Big Bang came real close but we only spent that weekend together. I spent over a year with that bitch. Can't really compare the two. So. With that being said, it's not that I'm not trying to find someone else because damnit, I am! It's just the people I find suck. And not in a good way. I can't help if he just instinctively knows what I like, like we've never had a bad sexual encounter (except this last time but that was because of the whole fight thing. Can't do the whole angry sex thing). Can't say that for everyone else, i.e. the dude with the small dick that fucks like a rabbit who gave me all the hickies, the dude who thought he was seriously throwing my back out, my work spouse (I don't even wanna go there...), the whole birthday sex fiasco from last year, and last night.

I have had the most severe crush on this boy since like the 8th grade. I thought he was sooooo damn adorable but nothing came of it. He never gave me the time of day, never looked at me twice. Like I was a cool person to hang out with on the bus ride home or in class, but that was it. I seriously pined for that man, so much so he used to be the password to all my various accounts. I can type that man's name in my sleep. Here I am, damn near 8 years later and I would occasionally say hi to him on facebook. One day he posted he needs a drink or he wants to go to the bar or some shit. Now that I'm FINALLY of drinking age I said "sounds yummy" Once I hit send I had a message from him.

"Wanna hit up a bar? I haven't seen you in years"

Yeah I'd like to believe my boobs had nothing to do with it...but yeah...whatever. We made a deal that if I pick him up he'll buy the drinks. Fair enough. I found it weird that he wanted me to pick him up at the gas station across from where he lived but I didn't think anything of it. We get to the bar and he buys the first round of drinks. We're just chatting and catching up, he reveals one of my friends told him I dance...that its one thing for me to tell people but that's not your place wench! Anyways, this bar closed at 12 which was weird...I thought all bars closed at 2 but whatever. I asked what the game plan was and he asked me to drop him off in east jesus nowhere at his cousin's house. I do and when I go home he asks me why I dropped him off. Well, when I asked what you wanted to do you told me to drop you off! So we made plans to hang out the next night. Around 10ish he finally hits me up. But he' taking 20 minute intervals between responses. I'm losing steam while you take your decent time to answer my texts. How are you gonna ask me to kick it and you're taking forever to make these plans?! At 11:45 we finally got our plan into action and decided to grab something to eat.

Him: Lol whats open at 12?
Now for some reason "Denny's and legs. And I'm cool with both" seemed like a good answer at the time. Very unlady like ma'am.

We head to Denny's, eat (he paid again) and leave. Before he has me drop him off n east jesus nowhere again we stop at Cheveron so he can grab blunt wraps or whatever. He asks me if I want a drink an I'm like sure why not. I thought this was him implying we were gonna hang out at his cousin's house. And to an extent we did. When we got there we hung out in front of his cousin's house. While we sat in my car. He asked if I wanted to stay and drink or go home. Well I damn sure ain't gonna drink by myself! We drank and talked some more, and finally he asks about my boobs lol asking if they hurt an whatnot. I told him about the whole process and said he could touch them if he wanted. It first he poked them with two fingers to check how soft they were. Then he full on stuck his hand in my shirt and just kept his hand there a little TOO long. Then he asked me if I had a tongue ring, I told him I had 3 and showed him. He stuck his hand down my shirt again, didn't say anything for a minute then asked me to show him what my tongue rings felt like. I looked at him and next thing I knew he was kissing me. And by kissing, I mean sucking my face off. He had my entire mouth and chin encased in his mouth, just a lickin all over the place. I kept trying to clean him up, by sucking on his top lip so he could suck on my bottom lip, and he just wasn't getting the hint. It was so weird trying to kiss him with his mouth over mine, I tried playing with his tongue and it was just moving all over the place. THIS is what I waited 8 years for?! And he kept moaning while I was kissing him omg. I opened my eyes to be like dude wtf, then I closed them cause I didn't wanna be the weirdo who makes out with her eyes open. Did I mention he was moaning the whole time? Finally he lets my face breathe and he pulls his dick out. It was like a light shined down from the heavens thru my sunroof. It was big and CUT *insert praise dance here* All I could say was WOW. Then I realized he expected us to fuck in my car. I feel some type of way about having sex back there because of all the back seat action that went down with that bitch...that's like his spot. He's marked his territory all up an down back there...Idk its weird...anyways he decides its time to start bobbing for apples.

I. CANNOT. STAND. When dudes put their hand on the back of my head during oral, as if I need any more encouragement. He wouldn't even let me push the hair out of my face! Ol' eager ass beaver...Ima start using my teeth from now on when men do that shit. Let me do my shit damnit!!!
I gave him head for about a minute, we stopped, I think he asked about condoms, we sat there for a minute, and we went back to making out. Now, I've kissed dudes after giving them head, but never like a full blown make out session. He grabbed my hand and placed it on the side of his face, like we were in a movie. Alright sir if that's what you like I got you. If he's comfortable then so am I. Then I go back to giving him head. He slides his hand in my pants and while I'm giving head he's like doing this weird fluttering shit with his fingers, like not on my clit or even trying to enter me, just rubbing them against the lips making things unnecessarily messy. The song on the radio wasn't even over before he came I sucked his dick for like 2 minutes before he came. I could barely taste it but I knew it. I just tried to suck him dry so he'd get off my head. After that little performance...I pretended to look for a condom. Popped my trunk, got out and spit that shit OUT. Could not bring myself to swallow it. It wasn't the same as when I used to swallow with that bitch, I actually kinda liked doing it cause in my head at least he liked it. So I got back in the car and said I didn't have one and started downing my drink like Listerine. I asked why he didn't get any at the gas station and he didn't say anything, he was just trippin that he didn't have one on him and how he didn't wanna bother his cousin for one. Or something. I told him I wouldn't have tripped if he had one on him on some "Oh, you just think you're gonna get lucky tonight huh?!" shit I would've rather you carried one than not. So we ended the night there.

He wants to go out again tonight, but I'm just like ehhh...I'm not fucking in my car. I at least need to know if you're good in bed before we start throwing other obstacles into the mix. Not everyone is a master in back seat action...and it sucks that I have to compare everyone else to that bitch but until someone surprises me I have no choice! If you're good in bed I can work with you in the back seat. If you're bad in bed I doubt a back seat is gonna help your case boo:/

Next blog I do shall be about the amazing drought ending from earlier this month...I'd be lying if I said I wouldn't give my imaginary left nut to fuck him again. I think if we don't say shit to each other, just meet up, get naked, fuck and leave we could make it work!

Blahh...I swear if shit doesn't start looking up soon I will die a born again virgin. Because if this is what my sex life has in store for me...

Miss Sixxxty, your very own freak of the industryy

Monday, October 10, 2011

What The Fucking Shit...

I know everyone was all excited about the return of Happenis and hearing about how the drought ended but I’m sooo sorry it was short lived. Something is really wrong with him. Everyone would always say he’s an asshole, what do you see in him, leave him alone and I would always stick up for him because he had never been a straight up asshole TO ME. And now after about a year he decides to show his fucking ass. Now don’t get me wrong, I’m mad as hell and want nothing to do with him anymore but I’m not about to sit here and be like “Yeah that’s why your dick is small and I faked it every time” or some shit. That would be a lie before god. Sucks cause everyone knows how much I enjoyed sexy time. But all that shit has got to stop.

I told you guys how he moved to east jesus nowhere a couple months back. Well I have some friends that also live up there that I’ve been trying to visit. So while he was in town I went up there to go see them. My friend that lives up there told me Happenis was talking shit like “I don’t like her, I don’t wanna be around her, and if she comes it better not be when I’m there” which I found odd because the very first thing he did when he got back into town was called me! And 8 inches deep he wasn’t singing that same tune let me tell you…I was just like whatever and chalked it up to him putting on a show for his friend in the “oh I don’t like her AROUND YOU GUYS” type shit. Cause let me tell you, if i tell someone I don’t like you, I mean that shit. Anyways, then I found out he asked my friend if he was gonna fuck me when I came to visit. Um…no? He is like my fucking brother and I’m not even attracted to him. After the drought ended eh asked me if I was gonna fuck him saying that’s what my friend told him. What actually happened was my friend was drunk when he called em and asked me if I was going to “dick HIM down”. A fucking joke. I’m thinking Happenis calm yo ass down. Anyways I go up there and have a great ass time and don’t sleep with anyone…And then my other friend is like “Oh yeah Happenis took pictures of his room to make sure you don’t fuck with his shit.” I want nothing of his!

I get back into town and text him because I know he’s going back in a few days and this is when all hell breaks loose. He keeps questioning why I would drive 5 hours just to go “visit” my friend (when he threw those shady ass quotes I got mad cause I knew what his stupid ass was implying)because said friend isn’t doing anything with his life. I’m sorry, but even if I did wanna go fuck my friend, or anyone else for that matter, why the fuck do you care about what they’re doing with their life?! There was a point in time where you weren’t in school or working and just partied too. He keeps tryna make me admit to some shit that never happened and tells me “I know how I left my bed so if it’s different then I’ll know for sure. I knew you were coming over so I put my stuff and bed a certain way so i’ll know” Know what for sure? that someone was in your room? You’ve been gone for 8 days it could’ve been anyone so stfu. Then on top of that there are 3 other beds in that house. Why would I pick yours out of all of them?! He then tells me I can’t go up there to visit anymore and I’m like excuse me why the fuck not and he makes this shit about HIM again

“I just don’t want you up there. Our fucklationship is strictly business and you know this. The game can’t get twisted. we fuck. That’s it. Done deal. No I love you, lets hang out, what are you doing type of shit basically no feelings are involved. ya know?”

Inneresting that he thinks when I go up there to go visit my friends I’m gonna go an try to fuck with him. For as long as I’ve been fucking with him I’ve never tried to invite his ass out to lunch or take h9im to the movies or none of that ridiculous shit. All I needed him to do was fuck me, which he did, and everyone was happy. I already told him I knew about that shit he was talking on me going up there and how I went up there when he WASN’T there. Then he said some shit that made no sense to me. If it makes sense to you please clarify.

“Bitches choose. You could have fucked anyone the first night we met at my house but you chose me. aka you chose…me!”

I’ve reread that text a thousand times and it still makes no sense to me.

“I have no problem fucking you. But when you start going to my place 5 hours away to someone who isn’t changing their life just to “visit”. Then I have a problem.”

Well. You’re not the only one who lives there so it isn’t just YOUR house. All your roommates except maybe one and I don’t really like him back either like me and have no problem with me coming over. What the fuck is the REAL problem is what I’m trying to figure out. It can’t be just because he isn’t doing anything with his life I refuse to believe that shit. It is goofy beyond belief and if that’s what gets your manties in a bunch then well…build a bridge and get the fuck over that shit. If you really didn’t care about me the way you say you do then you really shouldn’t give two fucks about who I decide to fuck. Whether it be a billionaire or a bum. This whole conversation had my heart racing because I had no idea where it came from. Imagine me expecting to get some dick and having to deal with this shit, explaining myself for nothing. Finally he was just like fuck it just come over so we can talk about this shit. First thing he said when he got into my back seat was why is the seat so far back. I told him that’s how he left it and he was like no I didn’t. He left it like that after we got tacos the other night but whatever…once again why do you care if I had another dude in the car…I ask him why does he think I already fucked my friend and why he think s I went up there to go fuck him and he kept saying he knew we’ve fucked and blah blah blah. I owe him nothing therefore I have no reason to lie to him. I’ve never fucked that man. Ever. And he tells me apparently my friend told his roommate that I did. Which is a lie my friend would never say that shit. He barely even likes black girls like that. SO we get passed that and start talking about why I can’t go to his house to visit and he keeps thinking the shit is about him. I explain to him I’m not even gonna be around him I’m gonna be hanging out with my friends and he’s like so if I’m downstairs the whole time you’re gonna be upstairs? Basically. I mean don’t get me wrong, fucking him would be in the back of my mind, but I wouldn’t try to initiate the shit. I’d let him do that. Other than that I’m going up there to have a good time and get drunk with my boys. He seems to think that my world revolves around him and it doesn’t. I DO have self control…Then he asks me why I always get mad when we don’t have sex…and I was just like is that a serious fucking question? Seeing to how this is “just sex” if I’m not getting any I don’t need you around. Thank you much. He also asked why I always keep everything bottled in and I was thinking because this. is. JUST. sex. The less talking the better. Then for the majority of the night he just wanted to bitch and complain about his roommates and ask me the whole “where do you see yourself in 5 years” shit, ask me about stripping, which I also think he has a big problem with, but why should he? He doesn’t care about me remember? Then there’s just silence. I’m sitting in the front driver seat, he’s in the back passenger seat. I don’t look at him…he asks if I wanna have sex. It’s like I instinctively said yes, even though I was starting to hate his guts. Shouldn’t say hate, but I was left sooo fucking confused…and the texts stung a bit…but I got in the back seat anyways. He fingered me and waited til I was wet before he sat me in his lap and I rode him for a little bit. He pushed me back against the seat and spread my legs so he could watch it slide in an out. Then we switched to stuffing me between the seats and he took over and before I knew it, it was over. I grabbed a napkin, wiped myself off and started getting dressed. He looked at me and said “what about me?” I threw the napkin at him, got in the front seat, fixed my seat, turned the car on and was ready to go before he was even out of the car. Normally I’m such a fucking happy camper after we have sex I’ll stick around and just bask in a post orgasm flush…but tonight I couldn’t get out of there fast enough. It was so…different. It wasn’t the same. At all…

I went to bed to try to forget everything that happened and as soon as I woke up I couldn’t think about anything else. I was pissed I didn’t pick up my vicodin prescription because that would’ve helped a lot but eh…

Sorry to bore you with all this drama:/ He doesn’t deserve the name Happenis anymore because there is no more happy associated with that man.

Thursday, October 6, 2011

Puttin' The Penis On A Pedestal.

I AM FUCKING PUTTING THE PENIS ON A PEDESTAL!!! I'm not myself anymore. I am waaaay too fucking picky to be as horny as I am. Sure the drought ended...but that is gonna be short lived. What the fuck do I do then? I met a cute dude in a mexican rock band but alas he lives nowhere near me. I got drunk with the band and I had my eye on him all fucking night, tequila goggles didn't help WHATSOEVER...and then I realized I was too damn drunk to drive. Might as well just crash there right? That's exactly what I did. But the 5 bandmates shared ONE room, two in one bed, three in another, and one on the floor (obviously this is including me...) it was dead ass quiet in the room while we spooned in the bed. I kept looking over my shoulder cause I wanted to make out with him sooo bad but I didn't want everyone else to hear the kissy noises...and I couldn't bring myself to do anything in my backseat because of you know who...damn I missed my opporitunity!!! But then again how beneficial could that have been when he lives hours away too? Shit if Ima be traveling might as well head up north to east jesus nowhere and go get some where I know it's good? Gaaaaaaaaaah...

I also had the baby mama FINALLY add the Big Bang on facebook...and I think he's on to me!! All I wanna do is make him feel good make him feel goooooooooood...

Hmm...something that has been on my mind that needs some explaining...why is it...if a dude likes a girl...he'll show his ass to his friends to prove how much he DOESN'T like a girl...when in fact he does? And I don't mean like love or even wanna be in a relationship type shit...I mean he still enjoys her company, talks to her, kicks it with her and everything...cause how stupid do you look telling everyone you can't stand to be around her when in fact you love being 8 inches deep in her? If your friends won't look at you different for fucking with her why fake the fonk? You ain't got ta lie just end up looking phony...

If I say I don't like someone I mean that shit. I don't fuck with you at all.

Hmm...Welp looks like I won't be getting any dick tonight:/ boo...I was really hoping to get some before I dipped out on my lil vaycay...But people wanna act hella fucking brand know it's a love/hate thing I'll probably be singing a different tune by the weeks end...idk...

Miss Sixxxty, your very own freak of the industryy

Tuesday, October 4, 2011

Three's A Company, Three's A Crowd.

That's a fucking understatement. Babes an gents if you recall I left you with a cliffhanger last blog (you can easily scroll down an see) that I had a threesome. I always imagined my first threesome being with a dude and another bitch, not two dudes. But it was. Lol ay yi yi worst fucking threesome ever.
If you can also recall sometime after surgery I took a lil blogging break due to some drama between me an Happenis. Basically his friend wanted to fuck me, I didn't and he oddly got mad at me using the excuse that because he's moving I would need a replacement anyways...I swear I thought this was some sort of bizarre test. Like who would really want a girl to fuck their friend? Crazy much...anyways we got into a fight and didn't speak for two weeks, and I hated his friend even more. Although the majority of those two weeks I was incapacitated and per doctors orders I couldn't have sex anyways, I was still mad cause I didn't wanna beef with him before he left. We eventually ended up making up two days before he left. And this is where the story begins.

11 months. 11 months of great sex. The end of an era!! How do you commemorate? With a threesome of course. We're both comfortable with each other, why not? The only problem was the third party aka his bitch ass friend. Ughhh...I already was giving him the side eye for indirectly causing the fight between me an Happenis but I was willing to put that shit to the side for a night to try something new.
They pick me up at my house and we go to his friend's house to do the deed. I had popped some vicos to enhance this experience and those shits betrayed me so I had to stay sober the entire night. We get to his house and we're all just staring at each other like...okaaaay.

Happenis: Dude I'm not even gonna lie I don't even know what to do from here.
The Idiot Friend: It's okay I've done this before, just follow me to the bedroom.
Me: Oh god...

We follow him to his room and I stop dead in my tracks in the doorway. His "bed" is a foam pad the size of a twin mattress. Happenis tells me he's moving and to cut him some slack. Umm...I may have never had a threesome before but I know three people can't fit on that raggedy excuse of a bed! I walk in and sit on the computer chair and just stare at the both of them. The Idiot Friend lights a candle, turns off the lights and of all things he could play he plays fucking KURUPT. The candles already made me giggle but Kurupt?! Really?! I was already annoyed. So Happenis takes it upon himself to tell me and The Idiot Friend to get better acquainted. So I sat next to The Idiot Friend and he starts touching my boob. Mind you I'm only two weeks out and can't feel shit. Hell, I still had my surgical tape on. But this could've potentially been my last time with Happenis so...I take off my shirt and lay down and The Idiot Friend starts rubbing my nips.

Me: *annoyed* I can't feel that...
The Idiot Friend: Really?
Me: I have zero feeling in my nipples right now.
The Idiot Friend: You sure? What about this
He proceeds to attempt to lick my nips
Me: Did you think I was joking when I said there's no feeling there? I can't feel shit.

Even tho I told him there was no feeling he kept doing the shit and it didn't do anything but piss me off. He stops and looks at Happenis and says "Dude tell me what she likes" and he says "I didn't get it in one shot you gotta figure it out for yourself." And in between counting cracks in the ceiling I'm thinking "You DID get it in one shot babe...". He slides off my shorts and starts fingering me. It's a combination of him mashing my clit down and fingering me with one or two fingers (I couldn't tell how many I just know it SUCKED). I kept grabbing his hand to prevent him from doing the shit and he kept heading right back for my clit so finally I just put my hand over it so he couldn't get to it. Then he shoves his fingers in my mouth expecting me to suck on them I guess. I seriously wanted to bite them off. Happenis saw I was getting annoyed so he called me over to where he was sitting. He asked me if I was alright, what pills did I take, if I was sure I wanted to do this blah blah blah. I kissed him and The Idiot Friend excused himself. As soon as he dipped Happenis threw me of his lap, got behind me and said "Lets hurry up an do this" See...THIS is what I'm used to. THIS is what I like. Take notes you idiot. Flips me on my back and puts my legs over his shoulders. I'm actually enjoying myself now. Then The Idiot Friend comes back in, I get back into doggy, he sits in front of me pulls his boxers down. All I saw was pubes and a thumb. This man. Called his PEEPEE a COCK. And I could hold tat shit with my index & middle fingers and a thumb. Sir you don't have a COCK you have a PEEPEE. After staring at his peepee like "What the fuck am I supposed to do with this shit" for about a minute I finally grab it and I start giving him a half assed blow job. Which is super difficult with Happenis tryna blow my damn back out. So I gave up on giving him head just arched my back and enjoyed the shit. Then he pulled out and they switched. The Idiot friend goes back to fingering me and I start sucking Happenis's dick like I actually enjoy the shit, and we go off his blow job/fingering thing. Happenis would fuck me, The Idiot Friend would finger me. For some reason his ass couldn't get a boner. All I had to do was walk over to Happenis and he was ready to go (sexual chemistry right there). Anyways when Happenis goes back to fucking me The Idiot Friend grabs his phone to watch some porn to help him out. Uh, Hello?! Are we not fucking like inches away from you?! Anyways...Myself and Happenis finish and he goes to take a shower and The Idiot Friend finally gets a quarter of a boner and he jumps behind me so fast

Me: need a condom.
The Idiot Friend: Are you serious right now?
Me: I'm dead serious.

As soon as I said that he lost whatever hope of a boner there may have been so he goes back to fingering me and trying to lick my numb boobs and I hop up and excuse myself to the bathroom. I'm standing in this man's kitchen naked not even caring if his roommates come out. I see Happenis eating some pizza and he goes "Hungry?" I tell him he's not getting a boner and I don't wanna do this shit. He's like alright, at least we tried. So I go back in the room and start getting dressed.

The Idiot Friend: What are you doing?
Me: I'm getting dressed.
The Idiot Friend: Why?
Me: Because I'm over this shit.
The Idiot Friend: Just give me a lap me what you do at work I'll be ready.
Me: No you won't. It's not gonna happen.

As soon as I got dressed I sat in the car til they came outside to drive me home.
The last words The Idiot Friend said to me?

"Thanks for the half assed bow job"

You are very welcome sir! I just could NOT with him. He tried to blame his inability to get a boner on me! Fuck you I did what I was supposed to do which was show up and get naked. Sorry you suck. The funny thing was he was talking hella shit about how his "cock" comes with a guarantee and how much I'm gonna love it and blah blah blah and he couldn't even get the rinky dink shit up. You take your peepee and your unshaven pubes thataway. I said my final goodbye to Happenis and took my ass to bed. In the morning The Idiot Friend finally admitted he had whiskey dick and he was sorry the evening didn't go as planned. Sir I don't need your fonky ass apologies because WE will not be interacting like ever again.

As sucky as it was it didn't completely turn me off to the idea of having another. Maybe with Happenis and another girl of MY choosing. Or another guy. Cause it probably could've been great if The Idiot Friend wasn't idiot.


The drought ended two nights ago. Surprise appearance by Happenis shit went all the way the fuck down. It was even better than I remembered:)

Miss Sixxxty, your very own freak of the industryy