I don't even know where to begin with my night with the Sexsomniac. So I've counted all the times we've had sex and we literally have sex once a month. As in once in November, once in December, ect. Just as I thought he was about to ruin our pattern he calls me up the other night (drunk, as usual) asking me if I want to have sex. Duh. So I get dressed, pop a couple vics, and drive off. When I get there he's playing bp with his coworkers, two who happen to be the big belly dude who tried to spoon me and that random Mexican who wanted me to breast feed him lol. I'm just thinking...umm...and I going to be getting some peen..? Or...because idk if he knows what gas prices are like right now but I just can't be driving across town all willy nilly. He tells me they're waiting on strippers to arrive and I'm like "But I'm right here wtf?" But I chilled, I had never had strippers come to me before it was going to be interesting to see how it all went down.
As I waited for the strippers to get there, enjoying my high the big belly dude comes up to me and tells me he doesn't like white girls, and he only really likes Mexican and black chicks. No surprise there. He goes on about being the star on his football team (whatever position big bellied dudes played) and how only white chicks would throw themselves on him. Um. Okay. Then he tells me how he wouldn't come to my club because he doesn't wanna see me LIKE THAT, all naked and whatnot. Because we're friends he couldn't do it. And I say "YES. I AGREE!!! YOU DON'T EVER NEED TO SEE ME LIKE THAT. As long as we're on the same page here buddy...". The strippers arrived with their driver and they were pretty average. So the Sexsomniac just straight up says "These bitches are ugly" I was just embarrassed for him and them. They get dressed downstairs while everyone is going on and on about how ugly they are and how they should've just paid me (Yeah you SHOULD'VE) but I wasn't gonna knock their hustle. It must suck having to get called in to work at like 2-3 in the morning...So the girls come upstairs and one is barefoot in torn fishnets the other is wearing toms with a bad wig. They're both built like rectangles, with no shapes whatsoever. They start doing their lap dances which is basically a slow grind in their laps, turn around and do the most awkward dry hump ever, and shake what little ass they have. Lather, rinse, repeat. The Sexsomniac, Mr. Dunlap (the big belly dude clearly needs a nickname now) and I all go out on the balcony after about 10 minutes of fuckery and The Sexsomniac is still going on about how ugly these bitches are and how did they waste 400 bucks on them. I tell him he should let me dance for him instead. I give him a lap dance on the balcony and at the end I bounce my ass and make it clap in his lap and it was a done deal. Mr. Dunlap asks where's his dance and between FRIENDS I give him a little dance, I don't dance long enough to get him hard and I hop off. I peek in the window to see the girls doing the same shit, except this time they're topless. I go inside and Mr. Dunlap tells one of the dudes to come on the balcony and get a dance from me. I tell him give me 20 bucks and I'll go inside and dance and show the other strippers up. The Mexican Breast Feeder is just watching in awe as I give his boss a better dance than he's getting and the girls start talking about my piercings and my boobs and how I put her A cups to shame (boy do I remember those days...) After coming up on 40 bucks I go towards the balcony and The Sexsomniac asks me to put my boobs on the glass before I come outside. Squish, squish. I go outside and I'm like dude...I'm ready NOW let's go inside already! He tells me we can't until everyone leaves so I'm just like fuck man...He suggests we just do it on the balcony. I just stand in front of him and he pulls my shorts down while I try and secretly fish a condom out my hoodie. We don't get very far before someone comes outside to pee off the balcony. Every time we try to get something started someone comes outside! I tried going down on him while he kept watch and of course someone was coming so I stood up fast while his pants were unbuttoned looking extremely guilty but wtf ever. People needed to leave lol. The Mexican Breast Feeder comes outside knowing exactly what was going on and he asks me how much would it be to fuck one of the strippers in there. I tell him I had no idea, he should probably ask her and not me. This is also not the first time he's mentioned paying for sex so you sir, get the side eye. Then he asks how much would it be to get something going between me, him and the Sexsomniac and I'm just like wait what?! He comes up behind me telling me that he almost got me last time (Lies) and how we were already out here and the nut job tried to bend me over! I was like time to gooo...Then Mr. Dunlap comes outside and says the strippers are leaving. The Sexsomniac says "Cool, now we can go inside" and Mr. Dunlap says "Let's" *record stops* sir WHAT? Who is included in that "Let's" cause that's a plural you shouldn't be included in!
Mr. Dunlap: *hands on my hips* can I ask you something?
Me: What's up?
Mr. Dunlap: ...One time
Me: Oh nooooo...we're FRIEND'S remember? You don't wanna see me like that!
Mr. Dunlap: I know but I'm saying just this once...
Me: Nope. Noooope. You're really blowing my high right now...
I can't. Not with any of them that night they were all doing waaaay too much. After everyone is cleared out we try to go inside but then The Sexsomniac remembers he left his keys in Mr. Dunlap's car and he had just left. So we might have to have sex in either the spare room or my car. I did NOT drive this fucking far to have sex in my car or on a cement floor. After about 10 minutes he finds the keys in his pocket -_________- . We go inside, turn the tv on and get down to business. I start on top, cow girl to reverse, and I was so high and he was so drunk I couldn't tell if we we're having sex or watching tv lol. I hopped off and started giving him head, gags and all. Idk what it is about the sound of gagging that makes dudes go crazy. It sounds nasty as fuck (to me, at least). And I noticed he was getting whiskey dick no matter how many positions we got into. I even went against my own beliefs and semi licked his unshaven balls to help him. I was willing to do just about anything to make him bust. Found a nice lil bald patch (why am I laughing while I type this lol) and did a little quick flick, lick suck on it but it didn't help. I knew it just wasn't in the cards for him that night so I stopped and asked him if he was tired, because I was, but I would keep going if he wanted...Thankfully he tapped out and we just went to sleep. We spooned naked and just drifted off to sleep and everything was all good til he fell into that DEEP sleep. He is the wildest sleeper EVER. Any sleeping position you can imagine he was in it at some point, stealing covers and all. And then I knew his sexsomnia was no joke because at points during the morning he would be moaning for no reason, and I even caught him jerking it in a dead sleep. Finally around noon I told myself it was time to get my lazy ass up and get dressed and go home. So he got up, gave me my clothes and I gave him a hug and left.
What an eventful Wednesday night.
Miss Sixxxty, your very own freak of the industryyy