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Wednesday, May 23, 2012

Play Your Cards Right...

I. Fucking. HATE. That cliche ass phrase. Who do you think you are? The only time I want to hear that shit is if Tupac and Keyshia Cole are doing a duet. But more on that in a minute. I took last weekend off and tramped the entire time...smh. Let's break it down into three parts, shall we?

"Back then they didn't want me. Now I'm hot they all on me" no truer words have ever been spoken Mike Jones (who?!?!). Its amazing the power a pair of tits holds. Everyone who ignored me in high school all of a sudden want to hang out. One guy in particular I had in an art class. I was a senior, he was a sophomore. A cute one at that. He was really quiet, and every time i turned around to talk to him and hi friend he'd always give me this nervous type laugh like "bitch if you don't turn your ass around and let me paint..." So it never got far. Then out of nowhere he adds me on fb. I immediately posted on his wall "YOU HATED ME IN HIGH SCHOOL!!!" and he goes on an on about how he never hated me blah blah blah asking me how my butt and boobs got bigger. I really didn't have time for it so I was like what do you want?He wanted to hang out (of course) and I told him he never wanted to hang out in high school. "Well I was a little boy back then". Hun, you're STILL a little boy to me now. He was kinda annoying, texting me things like "Would you ever show me a picture of your butt??" or "can you strip for me?" Like couldn't sext worth a damn. So I stopped replying. My friend was in my ear about how I should give him a chance and she heard he puts it down (HAH!!!) and I just couldn't get over this pedo feeling I had. Finally we arranged to have this blind date type meet up and he was too excited.

"Are you going to hang out with so and so? If so I'm with her:)"
"Are you still coming??"

Ugh. SHUT UP!!!!! When I got there he came outside and gave me a hug, then didn't say shit else to me the entire night. Huh? He let this guy who kinda looks and acts EXACTLY like Happenis. Fucking CRAZY! He made me take a shot of gin with him and this is where the night starts going downhill. More on him later tho. It was clear ol' Ninito over there wasn't going to make a move, and I had Sexsomniac on my line wanting to play BP, so I excused myself for the evening. But not before Happenis Jr. and I exchanged numbers. Highway robbery biatch! Po' lil' tink tink also known as Ninito gave me another hug before I left, for what reason, idk...and I went to see Sexsomniac.

I met up with Sexsomniac at the grocery store and it looked like he was walking with a fat skinhead, which would've been weird since he was Mexican...Upon further inspection it was none other than Mr. Dunlap! And another short cholo OG  Mexican which I found out was his dad...who was pissy ass drunk. I wish he'd warn me when I'm about to meet people in his family>:/ His dad comes up to me telling me "Mija you're so beautiful, mijo, who's this pretty lady?" He grabbed my hand to shake it and held on it a tad bit too long. Under normal circumstances I'd be creeped the fuck out but since this was his daddy I was being nice. He starts asking what kind of music I like and if I have a boyfriend and whatnot...then offers me a beer. I don't drink beer so I decline, telling him I only drink liquor. He spots my Smirnoff bottle and asks for a shot. I always respect my elders, drunk or not. So even though I didn't want to, I gave him one anyways. We were all waiting on my brother to arrive so we could go to this party and I'm telling you he couldn't have come soon enough! Or so I thought. Even though Mr. Dunlap had PLENTY of room in his car they made the drunk daddy ride with me, who's telling me the entire ride to the house "Mija if anyone gives you shit you just tell me and I'll handle it." Sir, you're the ONLY one giving me shit.
We pull up to the house and lo an behold what do ya know it's that prick who tried molesting me in my sleep's house! I stayed for like 2.5 seconds and then dipped when they asked if I could take the drunk daddy home. HELL NO. I couldn't figure out why Sexsomniac wasn't paying  me much attention until my brother told me he met ANOTHER girl with the same name and he though I was her. Welp. That explains a lot. Bitch.

Final destination of the night, I made it alive and sober. Think back a couple of blogs when I was talking about having sex with the guy who yelled "oh no quickieeeeee" when we were having sex? Well yeah he redeemed himself that night. Much to my pleasure.
I ended up drinking a few cocktails, then making a McDonalds run for a frozen strawberry lemonade just to add more vodka to it. Next thing I know I was holding up walls and throwing up. Apparently I fell a couple times, spilled my drink during King's Cup & some more shit...smh. As the night went on the drunker I got and me and lets call him......Goblin for now because he likes Odd Future. Well anyways we go to his room and the whole way there he keeps slapping me on the ass asking where did all my ass come from (apparently my ass got bigger and people are taking note). I don't remember what the fuck I was talking about, except after he shut the door and put music on I remember him telling me "Okay how about you shut up and make out with me". I just do as I'm told lol. He pushed me on the bed and got on top for a little bit, and I don't remember if I took my top off first or if he took my shorts off first all I remember is we were naked. He reached into the nightstand and shit went ALL THE WAY the fuck down. On my back I propped my legs on his shoulders for leverage and away he went. Everything is kinda a blur honestly. He wasn't much of a talker, except when he told me it was my turn to be on top lol. Cowgirl, to reverse cowgirl, to back on my back. Then he did something no one had ever done to me before. He bitch slapped me across the fucking face! Like 3 times. And weirdly enough...I kinda liked it. It caught me so off guard, and he was so in the moment...Intense shit right there. He rolled me on my stomach and it was over. I can't remember who was in the house or if anyone else heard me but I don't think me smothering my face with a pillow helped much. It felt THAT fucking amazing. Like Happenis status I can't remember a time when I got close to seeing stars like that. He had his nails dug into my hips pretty deep while he was handling business and all of a sudden he pushed me across the bed! Guess someone was finished! Glad he pulled out cause with all that vigorous stroking the condom broke. Thank God for depo and negative test results! He just kept saying "I pulled out....I pulled out" over and over again...turned me around, said "that was intense" and kissed me before going to get a towel out of the closet. I was in a lust stricken daze. Once I came to I wiped myself off, then started to wipe the sheets and he was like "No!! You blot the cum you never rub it!!!" Well hey, learn something new every day...Went to sleep and woke up with the worst alcohol poisoning ever. I threw up like 3 more times, and since I had thrown up my fries the night before, I had nothing left but stomach acid to throw up. It was terrible. I couldn't even keep water down.

"Who's in the bathroom is Ricky taking a dump?"
"No that drunk girl is in there...throwing up...again..."

After a while we got up, he made me some soup, and then I promised I'd buy him another bottle of mouthwash and then left. Now I wanted to bang him again a few hours later after I recovered, but he seemed a lil distant. Nothing weird there. Then Sunday night I debated on texting him for a round two. We all know how I get about asking for dick. I hate rejection with a passion whether I'm asking you to lunch or for some dick. Curly Fries tells me to just do it cause all guys love when girls beg for the peen. I decided to do it. I just told him I'd be up for a round two and you know what he told me?

"Yeah the other night was great. Maybe if you play your cards right you can have a round two..."

JIGGA WHAT?! JIGGA WHO?! Wait wait wait what the fuck just happened there?! TF does that even mean?! Sorry but when it comes to me asking for sex "Maybe" and "play your cards right" are two things I don't wanna fucking hear!!! That ultimately just pissed me off so I didn't even text back. Bullfuckingshit I tell you...Swear to god good reliable dick is such a hard thing to come by these days. I just wanna fuck you all day you idiot. And I mean that in the nicest way possible if you're reading this. I think we can all make time in our day to have sex at least once. But I damn digress. Shit. Of course any wonderful drought ending such as this always has to have a sucky ass ending. Fuck. Shit. Balls. Ugh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I feel that was an easy let down like "yeah bitch, I killed your shit. Don't be expecting a damn thing from me". But he's such a sweet guy when I'm around him what the fuck is going on?!

Mental note to self: Don't ask guys for sex. Ever. They don't like that shit.
Miss Sixxxty, your very own freak of the industryy


  1. I'm glad you got your fix I was worried about you for a minute but here we go back to the "Round Two" these men are fools to not want a round 2,3,5,5,6 I mean not on not "Thirsty" type shit I mean you a catch, you've read about me in always down for round two. Lol naw but in all seriousness in glad you got that mind blowing sex since Happenis I mean that's great I don't know about the slapping but shit if you like it I love it. Don't work to hard. But jeep up the hard word... Love the blog... :)