Oh. My. God. My sex life is in shambles I do not fucking understand why it is so hard for me to find a damn reliable fuck buddy. No strings attached sex should be fucking easy to do, there shouldn't be any fucking complications. How hard can it possibly be to have some fun casual drama free sex? Happenis is a terrible fuck buddy. And I obviously don't mean the sex is bad, I just mean in terms of being my person.
QUALITIES OF A GOOD FUCK BUDDY
Our biggest problem used to be the distance. Now that he's back,k it's become the schedule. Before he left I would get some once a week, once every other week, and it wasn't delegated simply to the weekends. I could get some during the middle of the week. Now that I work a million miles away on the weekends, that seems to be the only time he wants some. God forbid I ask him to fuck me during the week I just get ignored til Friday when I'm working and can't do anything about it. A good fuck buddy needs to be flexible. Put out when I ask and I'll do the same. We can't always be on your schedule. I'm not about to sit here twiddling my thumbs waiting on your text because your timing SUCKS. It also makes me feel like a last resort when you only hit me up in a blue moon like "oh well I know she's gonna be there" when clearly I'm NOT. I've had the same schedule for over a year now the shit hasn't changed. It's like he doesn't care, which I'm pretty sure he doesn't, but STILL.
The dick has got to be CRACK. It needs to be good otherwise, why would I come back?
The sex has to be consistent. Like I said earlier, none of that once in a blue moon shit. If we're only going to have sex one day a week can we have sex more than once that day? PLEASE?! Shit!!!I need dick on a regular basis to keep me sane. You have all these dudes talking about how they can last for hours and how they want it all the time too, but when shit gets real you realize they were never about this life! I end up getting cheated on something that was promised to me when I figure out they can't deliver. Which brings me to this next dude.
SIR PUSS IN BOOTS
I've always told myself I needed to find an out of town fuck buddy, especially since the majority of my time out of town consists of working and eating. I needed to squeeze a lil' fun in there. Customers are always off limits, and I don't wanna meet someone while I'm stuffing my face...so what's left? Well, the girl I stay with when I go had this Colombian roommate. He was kinda cute, real hipster like, but I never saw him much due to my schedule. Listening to him talk when I was trying to sleep was kinda funny, but cute cause usually whatever he was talking about he'd be really passionate about it. Anyways, I started doing little stuff here and there, whether it was lotioning my legs in the living room, wearing yoga pants, ect. And I knew he took notice. Eventually he started asking about when I'd be coming down and whatnot, and one morning when I got in he was up waiting asking me if I was okay and if I needed a pillow or anything. One day I dozed off on the couch and he was getting ready to take my flip flops off and prop my feet on the couch so I'd be comfortable. Awww!
BUT!!! This was all while he had a "friend" over. And this "friend" walked into the house one morning like she lived there, and didn't leave til AFTER I had left. And this "friend" also held him hostage the entire weekend. I only saw him when she was sleep. I thought it was his girlfriend but he claims otherwise...okay sir. Whatever makes you feel better.
So this past weekend I ended up coming a day earlier than usual, and was up early. He got up (and surprise surprise the "friend" isn't homeless she actually went back to her house!) and we hung out. He's obsessed with juicing and would not leave me alone until I tried his juicing "creation", which tasted like a gallon of sweet cum. I like my juice thin and non-pulpy please. Then he invited me to join him for lunch at this cafe around the corner. So we walked and talked and he threw in that he thought my body was ridiculous (thanks, I know lol). We ordered lunch that I ended up paying for because he forgot his debit card (If you're reading this (which I know you are) you still owe me 10 bucks.) and went back home. He asked me a lot of sex related questions, and I made it clear I was only looking for fun right now, nothing serious, and that I need good consistent dick. He made it out to be he wasn't attached, so I was like cool. We're still running our mouths when we get back and my friend who wasn't up yet told us to keep it down. So we went in his room and she texts me "okay now you can kiss lol" but I kept telling myself no, I wasn't gonna do it. Then he was like, come take a hit with me. Whyyyy did I do that?! First hit was fine, took half by myself, and he shotgunned me the other. Then I took one bowl straight to the face which may not seem like much to you potheads, but for someone who doesn't smoke...MAN. I couldn't even hold it in as soon as I inhaled I had to let it go. It was like my face was exploding and sliding off my skull. I felt so fucking nauseous that I couldn't do anything but sit in the window sill and wait for it to happen. Luckily I didn't, but I was BEYOND high after that. I couldn't keep my eyes open, I could barely keep my head up. I don't even remember what we talked about after that. I remember he took a picture to show me how squinty my eyes were (my face looks bloated af) and he went thru my pics. He popped in a movie and sat on the bed next to me, and I remember talking about being tense. He sat me between his legs and started massaging my back. He told me it wasn't tense and then said something about carrying a lot of tension in my thighs. so he started massaging those too, and then he touched my boobs and it was a wrap. The weed made my nips ultra sensitive so from that point it was kinda just like aaaaaaah take it. He climbed on top and kissed me, then my neck (duhikfediafgheruifegbfd) then my ears and back to my neck. Then we were naked. Everything was kinda just a blur, but I remember, legs on the shoulders, "how do you like it baby", more kissing, me on top, then from the back then done. It was so funny to me, maybe cause I was high, but he normally talks like your average skater from SoCal, but I swear when he was talking to me during sex either his accent came out or he was speaking in Spanish, hence why I call him Puss In Boots. That's exactly how I remember him sounding lol. And that was only round one. He apologized for it being so short and he was trying to find another condom. Oh hey! I have four in the car! I thought it would be a good idea to walk outside to grab them. WRONG! I was walking outside touching my mouth and chin like a damn retard trying to act like I just didn't get fucked, then thought about how I must look to other people and started laughing to myself. Then thought "Ma'am, you look like a damn crackhead just laughing to yourself walking down the street with condoms in your hand" and that made me laugh harder. SO I ran to the door to get back inside before someone called the police. Back inside, we had sex three more times, with each consecutive sesh being longer than the last. I remember I was on my back, and he stood on his knees in front of me and asked me to kiss it. This was the first time I noticed he trimmed & was thick :D and that he wasn't circumcised :O (I'm noticing this a lot more lately......ugh). I was so stoned I couldn't even lift my hands to pull the skin back or to even add to the experience, so I just did a whole lot of tongue flips to try and make up for it. He seemed to like the Triangle of Pleasure in my mouth. That's what I named my tongue rings in case you were wondering. At one point he had me in a chair next to the paper thin wall that separates his room from my friends, and with the surfboard hitting the wall, and me trying to be a nice house guest by being as quiet as possible it was actually kinda hard. The sex was actually pretty decent, and he doesn't mind a lil foreplay which is CRUCIAL these days. When we finished we just kinda laid there, he took my phone and saved his number under "Big Papi", talked about needing to do yoga before he fucks me again, and some other shit. I remember him taking a picture of me laid across the bed. He said I looked sexy, I felt like a beached fucking whale. Now that I think about it, I wonder if he still has that picture. I wish common sense had kicked in and not agreed to do the shit.l But I was like yessssssssss, I found me some out of town peen, and he can go round for round, and I'm here every weekend finally some good consistent dick FOR THE MOTHERFUCKING WIN!!!!!
...that was until two and a fucking half hours later, after I had gotten dinner and more condoms when I came back and saw the "friend" was back. And he ignored me after that. No more asking if I needed a pillow, no more hanging around when she was sleep, nothing. I'm thinki8ng to myself like dude, you have that bitch in your bed less than two hours after you fucked me FOUR times?! Is the wet spot even dry yet?! Once again she held him hostage doing whatever it was that they do and I was just confused the rest of the weekend.
From what my friend told me was he's tryna get over the "friend" cause he knows the "friend" fucks other guys. Well shit sir caught up on your ex still I can get you passsssst it! Like it was a perfect set up. I come here every weekend, I need sex all the time and you seemed more than willing to put out IT'S A SURE FUCKING THING. But no, alas he wasn't about that life, which I kinda knew, but then again I was so high I didn't even care. I was irritated that she was there, but more mad at the fact that I knew I wasn't gonna be getting any more dick on this visit. I had a box of magnums just staring at me, taunting me. The rest of the weekend was torture cause all I kept thinking about was how horny I was and how bad I wanted her to leave so I could continue fucking him. Giving a nympho a taste of good dick is like a damn death sentence.
Something that also confused me was the whole "I'm gonna ignore her even if the "friend" isn't around" thing. He either really likes her deep down and felt like he may have cheated and felt guilty and THAT'S why he ignored me...or something. I mean he obviously liked it enough to keep doing it, and before he had no problem talking to me when she was around, so it's like what the fuck gives now? I know I didn't force him to do anything, especially because he initiated it every time.I told him I don't catch feelings, I just want dick. Idk...I do feel low key disrespected though because he didn't even wait for his dick to get soft before she came back around. All I will say is I would never bring two dudes I'm fucking around one another because it's messy. One is bound to feel neglected and they go away, and I would probably want to keep both around, and make them both think they're the best. But hey, that's just me. I just wonder how this is all going to play out in the weeks to come...
At least he can say he's fucked a black girl now.
Miss Sixxxty, your very own freak of the industryy