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Monday, July 16, 2012

The Tampon Incident.

You know at some point in time I would love to not have embarrassing shit happen to me during sex.
But then if it was you guys probably wouldn't enjoy the blog as much. And I'm so glad that it happened with Happenis because I feel if it happened with anyone else, that would be that. My 4th of July was very "eventful".

I ended up going to a party that night and started taking shots of Three Olives Loopy vodka. Nothing good comes out of drinking Three Olives ANYTHING. It was a holiday so I knew Happenis would be out drinking and I was almost guaranteed to get some dick that night. I had gotten ready earlier that night, landscaped and all that jazz. And if you're a man you're not going to understand this next part, girls will understand completely.
 Vaginas get wet. Even when they aren't aroused. So sometimes to make sure everything stays dry and panties stay fresh some girls use panty liners which are basically thin pads. I don't use those so sometimes when I expect to get laid but I decide to go out first I just stick a tamp in to keep stuff dry and whatnot. And that's what I did that night.
Sure enough around midnight he hits me up and is like "Hey do you wanna make some money?" I'm kinda drunk at this point so I'm like HOOOOooOoOoOoW and he was like my friends are looking for a stripper. I told him I'd do it but he had to pay me in dick. He said yeah later and I screamed. I was on the roof at the party I was at and apparently I screamed "I'M GONNA GO MAKE SOME MONEY AND HAVE SEX FOR FREE!!!" I drove to the house and he met me at the door. I went in and said hi to everyone and excused myself to go freshen up a bit before I "performed". I went to the bathroom with the intention of taking it out but then Happenis knocked on the door before he barged in. I was like "Get out!!! I'm tryna get readaaay." He really didn't give two shits cause he started peeing. I'm glad he feels comfortable around me like that. Not to mention he pees for like 5 minutes straight. After he finishes I push I'm out the bathroom and he's like don't push me. He ended up getting the last laugh tho because the light switch was on the OUTSIDE of the bathroom. So he kept shutting the light off distracting me and whatnot. After checking my hair and makeup I put on my shoes and went back out. He stopped me before going out back with the boys and he's like follow me. We find an empty bedroom and he grabs me by my waist and I'm like "Ooooh right now? But your friensssss" And he tells me they made a beer run and to get a quickie in. Fine by me. So I pulled my shorts down..................
Got on top of the bed........................................................
I'm on all fours and he sticks his finger in me and then

Him: What. The. Fuck. Is. THAT.
Me: Whaaaaat? What what?
Him: Are you on your fucking period dude?
Me: What? No I don't even get a period I'm on the shot *grabs fingers* you don't even have blood on your fingers what are you talking about?
Him: What is THAT *tugs on string* feels like a tampon are you wearing a tampon?!
Me: Oh god yeah I forgot that was there................
Him: Why are you wearing a tampon?!
Me: It's complicated!!
Him: You seriously just made my boner disappear.

How fucking embarrassing. I feel if he was any other guy he'd get freaked out and the mood would be ruined, but seeing as to how I've already bled all over the man how much worse can it get (let me not even jinx myself)...Guess it goes back to that comfort level.

I stumbled off to the bathroom to hurry up and take it out then went back to the room. It didn't bother him TOO much because his boner magically returned. He bent me over at the waist on the bed and I just tried to make sure my drunk ass kept quiet. Which is next to impossible but I can to it. Just as it was starting to get really good we had to stop because the other boys were coming back. We went to join the others out back and I was trying my best not to look freshly fucked. I introduced myself and one of his friends asked how we met. Went something like this.

HIS VERSION: Welp. I didn't really see her until we went to my house and I was carrying my keg shirtless...I had been hitting the gym and she liked what she saw and the rest is history.

MY VERSION: I was with my friend at liquor king and we met up with him and I said hi blah blah blah he said "damn who is that" blah blah blah he was shirtless blah blah blah my tire popped blah blah blah then um yeaaaaaaaaah.

The private show wasn't gonna go down so we decided to go back to my party. We didn't even make it off the block before he was telling me to pull over. I told him let's just go to the party first and he's like no NOW. Fine. I told him I had a Magnum ecstasy condom and that lasted about 2 minutes before we took it off. We got it in again in the car as per our usual but this time he wedged me between the front seats on my back. Great for my small waist. Not so great for my wide ass hips. He stood straight out the sunroof and slid right on in. He always go deep and hard all the time which is amazeballs but with the e-brake, shifter and center console in my back it was a mix of pleasure & pain. More pleasure tho. I turned my head to the side though because he was thrusting pretty hard and I was afraid the airbags might deploy and snap my neck and kill me. My hips hurt so much from the fresh piercings and because my hip bones were pinched between the seats. But I didn't care because it was fanfuckingtastic. I couldn't even think straight. My mind was all jrehfunqc rlhgfenpjn4zgfrqo43 q['g...we got out the car again and I stood up while he hit from the back. I can't remember if he came on my face or my ass, I just remember wondering why my hair was wet. It's because when I was on my back his super thrusts knocked over my melted frozen strawberry lemonade:/
We drove to the party where everyone liked him, and someone smelled his armpits.......I drank a lil bit more and he was laughing at how much everyone was falling over me. Well duuuuh I'm a pretty lady! After some more shots we left to go back to his place. On the way we stopped and got him a swisher, some peanut m&ms & a pack of ciggs. Gross. We sat and talked in the car for a minute about threesomes and I remember saying something like "no black girls. unless she's ugly. cause I don't want her to look like me. cause I wanna do this with you cause I'm comfortable with you and I don't like strangers but I like you" just babbling like an idiot. I stole his m&ms and he was babbling too and I wasn't paying attention cause he looked so cute. I fed him m&ms and told him everything he was saying was all fine and dandy but i didn't care cause he had really nice lips. He said "Do you want to kiss me?" and I said yes. I was being really stupid. But his lips were so damn soft. Went back to his house, put on some drake and had more drunk sex. I'm pretty sure we used the entire bottle of lube because I woke up the next morning sticky as fuck. Some time during the course of our fucking I asked him to kiss my neck and he got all butt hurt and said "no you don't deserve it anymore" and pushed me away. So I pouted and crossed my legs and called him a meanie, then he grabbed me again and we had sex some more. Drunk sex is great. I was thinking how much I appreciated the fact that he always has his balls shaved and how much I appreciate it. Always. Shaved balls are always so much easier to play with. With my tongue.
We decided to finish in the morning and passed the fuck out until about 1. Even with two fans I woke up sweating. I was like what the hell? I couldn't tell if I was wet or just sweaty...We were both on our backs, blankets off, then I saw his morning wood come to life. Next thing I knew he started stroking it, pushed my legs apart and started touching me...climbed on top and had "morning" sex. It was niiiiiiiiiiiiice. After we finished we got dressed and grabbed some lunch before I dropped him off. I was walking around in last night's makeup with lemonade for styling gel. A hot ass fucking mess.
Then I went to lunch with a few friends before I even showered my sins away. Triflin.
But a 4th well spent if I do say so myself.

Miss Sixxxty, your very own freak of the industryy

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