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Friday, March 22, 2013

Cheater, Cheater, Pumpkin Eater

I said I was gonna write a blog about cheating and figure what better time than now to do it, because I swear that's all I've been dealing with lately. So I guess I am taken man's kryptonite. I can't seem to figure out how I keep attracting guys with girlfriends. I don't go stalking them out, the shit seems to happen that way. Aside from a few exceptions, I don't really tolerate that shit. Actually, what I don't tolerate is a guy lying about being in a relationship. Especially if I find out about it, and I always do because men are idiots. I've already said let me be a home wrecking jezebel on my on accords. Perfect example lemme tell you what's been going on this past week.
So I'm at my fave place the bar talking to my friends minding my business. My girl friend says she doesn't wanna drink and I'm like then bitch you can't sit with us lol it's a bar! She's like "No I don't wanna get drunk tonight because I'm not gonna get laid" and I tell her well me either but I'm still gonna drink. So this skeevy ass bartender that I always see who never speaks decides to chime in today. He asks why I'm going home alone and I tell him because men can't get with the program (we're all familiar with my luck). He goes I can def get with your program with a winky face and I'm just like yeaaaaaaaah...where's my drink. So I'm talking and he comes by and slides me a note that says "I can eat a peach for an hour!" and I was just horrified. I mean he's not ugly but he's def not my type. At all. I show my friends and we have a laugh and then he comes BACK with a pen and says "I'll just leave this here in case you wanna write something. Did you like your note?" And I gave him a sarcastic ass two thumbs up, because that wasn't creepy at all. My drunk self felt bullied into giving him my number but I didn't think anything of it. A few days later he hits me up and I didn't respond. Then I get on fb and see my friend post a pic of a dinner and she tagged some guy with the same name as the bartender. Hmm. Wait a sec. She worked at that bar too for a while. Coincidence? I click his name and sure enough it says he's a bartender at that bar. The odds of there being two bartenders with the same name was slim to none. I checked her mobile pics and well well well if it isn't the ginger with no soul! The next time he hit me up I took the opporitunity to do some digging. Sure enough he hits me up talking about "hey you wanna make out for a little bit?" First off, who does that to a basically complete stranger? How gay. So I immediately asked for his last name and he goes "Why? Just a funny question?" Seriously? You can offer to eat me out for an hour but I can't know your last name? What kinda sneaky hoe shit is that...So he lies and gives me a fake name but at this point I already know he's lying. Then he tries rushing me, making it a point to tell me if I want anything from him we only have an hour. Could my friend possibly be getting off work in an hour sir? I almost blew my cover saying what a small world but then I redeemed myself saying his fake name sounded familiar. Then he tells me he's great in bed with a big dick and I'm just like ewwww. And when I don't reply? He calls me. Cause that's what you're supposed to do when someone doesn't respond to your creepy texts. Finally he's just like "We can just be friends if you want I just like looking at you at the bar. I know you see people and so do I but if you want we can keep this on the dl;) feel free to send some pics and I'll send some back. This is going to be fun;)" Great. Downplay your LTR.
After a few different opinions and some thinking I decided to tell my friend. We were close in high school and didn't really have a fallout, just grew apart. But we were still cool when we ran into each other. I finally messaged her and asked her to call me and I kidd you not literally within 5 minutes of sending that cheating ass bastard texts me begging me not to tell her because "he loves her with all his heart and they have a perfect little family with his daughter (not hers) and he knew he messed up by taking my number and he understands if I need to tell her but to let him do this on his own so he doesn't lose her". He begged me to text him back. Bitch your sob story is not my problem!!!

SIDEBAR: That's another thing I can't stand. If you're gonna cheat you better be ready to be all fucking in. I can't stand whiney ass babies who have buyer's remorse not because the merchandise was defective (NEVER THAT) but because they miss their old stand by. If you can't handle that shit DON'T DO IT! And ESPECIALLY don't try and guilt trip me with your fuck ass sob stories either. I'm not the one in a fucking relationship you better go lay on a chaise lounge and talk your problems out with a therapist because that shit ain't in my job description. Like why are you telling the girl you cheated with all your relationship problems?! As if we give a fuck! Shit I don't!!!

Anyways, my loyalties lie with my friend and if you think I'm gonna do you a favor think otherwise. I would NEVER fuck a boyfriend or even an ex of my friends whether we're close or not. I will fuck someone's boyfriend if I don't know the girl. But if I know you I would never do that I will always do right by my friends. And If you wanna get into ethics and shit I'm pretty sure you don't treat strangers the same way you treat your friends hence why they have different titles. And clearly this man thinks I'm an idiot if he thinks I'm just gonna be like "Okay as long as you tell her." The odds of him telling her everything is slim to none. As casually as he sent that note I know he had done this before without batting an eyelash or thinking about his perfect little family. If you love her with all your heart like you say you do you wouldn't be doing her like this. She deserves way better than that.
She hits me up and I tell her what went down and the fucked up shit is that a day after I left the bar she went in. And she was at work that day he asked if I wanted to come over. She thanked me for telling her, glad I gave him my number because if it was anyone else he would've gotten away with it. Told her no problem and to hit me up if she needed anything else. Don't know what happened after we stopped talking but I hope she makes the best decision for her. And if she stays with him he better get his shit together.

So there's that. Another scenario is this boy I've been seeing every now and then, he has a gf too (I'll blog about the first time I fucked him. Insane.) The difference here is he's single when we hook up, but the next day they're back together again. The first time it bothered me. The second it made me laugh because now I knew the game, the only problem was he refused to acknowledge it. Like dude, idc if you are always on and off with your girlfriend. Clearly you like having sex with me and I like it too so if you wanna just do this and keep it on the low I'm cool with that. Just use your big boy words and say "Well me and my girl are on and off sometimes but you can still sit on my face because you taste delicious" (That last part isn't an exaggeration. He told me my pussy tastes amazing and he could eat it every day. Of course it does silly, I'm me! And I would let you if you were down, because your tongue is magical.). But alas he doesn't so ehh. Then one night out of nowhere when I wasn't even trying to have sex with him (at least not at that exact moment) he decides to volunteer the fact he's officially single and tired of being treated like garbage. I told him I was gonna ask but decided not to and he was like I'm glad you didn't because shit is complicated. I'm like okay. Then of course the next day he isn't single anymore. I swear if he didn't know how to fuck I'd punch him in the throat.

Well. Here's my monthly blog I suppose. I need to stop being so damn lazy. I still gotta fill you in on El Capitan's ol' bitch ass, Sexsomniac (clutchhhh), and this new boy. I will get to it eventually. Y'all gotta get on my ass about this lol.

Miss Sixxxty, you very own freak of the industryy

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