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Friday, September 7, 2012

Best I Ever Had.

Alrighty babes and gents if you follow me on twitter you may remember me tweeting something about shirtless LA dudes and cold weather and the best fucking head I've ever received in my life. And even if you didn't time to elaborate.

One night at work it was really slow so I hung out in the dressing room most of the night. Something told me to come out of the dressing room during the arm wrestling contest. They hold them between customers to boost crowd participation and give away the cheapest porns you've ever seen in your life.As I stood in the doorway I saw the most beautiful shirtless man I had ever seen. His back muscles were absolutely gorg. Then I prayed his face wasn't ugly and thank God he was gorg too. And his pecs...*drools* he was just AMAZING. I was walking around naked at the time so I bum rushed the stage, grabbed his man boobs, and stole his shirt. Cause I didn't want him to put it on. Lol. I chatted with him for most of the night, and I honestly don't remember half the shit he was saying except his name and the fact he's originally from Arizona. All I was thinking was "Just cause we're naked and he's shirtless we aren't going to straddle him. Yet". Like it took every ounce of will power in me to not try to fuck the shit out of him right then and there. I gave him my number, and made sure not to accept any cash from him. So then he technically wouldn't be a customer. I texted him when the weekend was over and we made plans to hang out the next time I was in LA.
I hit him up on friday to let him know I'd be in town for the weekend. I didn't hear back from him until the next day and he told me that he and his friends were going out that night and I should join them. As much as I would've loved to I had to be at work that night until 6am. Throughout the night he was telling me how his night was going, and then he said they were having a bbq later that day and I should join. "Unless you wanna come hang out after work;)" Why didn't my dumb ass pick the bbq I SHOULD HAVE PICKED THE FUCKING BBQ!!!!!!!!!! I told him not to play with me, because I actually would go to his house after work. It was just like a :you won't" back and forth and I didn't think we'd actually SEE each other. I expected him to pass out drunk and not to see him til later that day. He actually hit me up right before I felt work and asked me if I was still coming. Fuck. Say no. Bitch say no!!! "yeah I just gotta know where I'm going." *face palm*. NO!!!!! Bitch why?!?!?!?!?!?! All my coworkers were like "Don't fuck him. Just make out with him." I told them I wouldn't fuck him and I would just make out with him and MAYBE let him dry hump me. Bad idea.I drove all the way to the coast. At 6am. Knowing exactly why I was going there. I get to his house, and it's actually pretty dope. It's right near the beach and whatnot. He led me to his room, and it was the kind you have to step down into. I excused myself to the bathroom so I wouldn't have a repeat of the tampon incident. And I went back to his room. We watched some weird ass "scary" movie which was basically me watching it while he drifted in and out of sleep When the movie was over he asked me about my piercings, and I showed them to him, and he seemed especially fascinated with my three tongue rings. That's all he kept talking about. He mentioned he used to have his tongue pierced then a stupid ex girlfriend brainwashed him and convinced him to take it out. I proceeded to voice my disgust for his ex after that lol. Then he sat up on his knees, stared at me for a minute, then said "I need to know what those tongue rings feel like. Can I kiss you?" Of course stupid, you don't have to ask! And this was the beginning of the end.
He is just an amazing fucking kisser. He doesn't suck on my bottom lip too hard. And did I mention he was shirtless? And beautiful? and his eyes are this light brown that just....gaaaaaaaaah. Then he would kiss my neck, back up to my mouth and my brain was just mush. And for some reason every now and then I would smile and laugh while we made out. And I have no idea why. Then He licked down my neck, to my boobs and I just remember telling my self "no sex, no sex, no sex" and before I knew it he pushed up my tank top and just started licking my stomach up and down. I felt my leg twitch and I was like no just hold out a lil longer! He licked down my stomach and past my belly button, and then he threw my leg on his shoulder and started licking the ninja kitty. Over the yoga pants. And I wanted him to strip me down so bad. But he wouldn't! After a while he slipped my pants off, but did the same thing, this time over my thong. I just wanted to punch him in the skull for teasing me like this.  Finally everything came off and I fucking LIVED. I purely hated that man's existence and loved him at the same time. That is a grown ass man for you. And fuck his roommates for being in their home while I was there. because I literally wanted to scream my head off. It was THAT good. Lick, suck, nibble repeat. I hate the word clit but he would circle mine with his tongue and it would send chills up my spine, then I would start to run. He hooked both his big ol' muscular biceps around my thighs so I couldn't go anywhere, I just had to lay there and enjoy it. God I hate him. I hate him!!!!! I wasn't supposed to have sex but after that performance I felt I had no choice BUT to. He was down there for a while and just when I thought I couldn't take anymore he came up for air, kissed me then rolled onto his back and I attempted to return the favor. Now, this dude is low key hairy, I don't know his ethnicity, but he shaves where it counts. He shaves his chest and lets only a lil bit grow back and it looks sexy af, and he manscapes. That's all that matters in that regard. His dick is girthy, but wasn't very long:/ whatever his tongue makes up for that. I started off fine it wasn't until he told me to bring my ass to him when I failed miserably. We started 69 but then it ended more like him eating me out and me just giving him a half ass hand job because I was thoroughly enjoying myself. I got off his face and crawled to his dick and I sat on it. I rode him for a little bit then he put his arms around my back and said "You ready?" And he flipped me over on my back without sliding out. I laid on my back and I waited for him to get ready. He put my legs on his shoulders and went to semi work. I only say that because I'm used to rough hard fucking and idk if he was being kinda gentle cause his roommates were home or he thought that's what I wanted. But he moved my legs off his shoulders, bent down and sucked on my neck while he was thrusting. Hey sir? I think I love you. He sat back up and turned me on my side while he sat straight up. He has a big ass mirror by his bed so I just watched us while he was all focused on my ass. I moved my leg higher up so we would almost be in doggy and he told me that was the kill position and not to move. Okie doke. He still got behind me and did it anyways, then ta-daaaa. It was done. I didn't care cause he was beautiful and his head was amazing. So I laid on my stomach, and he just starts kissing my neck again, licking from my neck all the way down my back til he got right to the top of my crack. And sorry I can't think of a sexier word than crack. But Whenever he got to about the middle of my back I got the chills again, and he kept doing it and I felt myself getting wet again. Then before I knew it he yelled "SURPRISE!" And rammed it back in. Weeeeeeeeeee round two! So while I'm on my stomach with my ass arched into him he asks me if he can have some of my AriZona (how funny. A guy from Arizona drinking an AriZona.) so he's got one hand on the small of my back controlling my ass and the other he's drinking my green tea. So funny to check out in the mirror.
We had sex twice that day, took a nap, then he told me I could stay for the bbq later that day. I really needed to take a shower tho so instead I went back to my friend's house. Then after that he started acting all sketch. All I wanted to do was fuck him every time I came to LA and he had to start acting all gay and shit. He worked in tv production and had to be awake at like 5 every morning to beat morning traffic on his commutes so I would text him every now and then just to say hey, and then on the weekends just to let him know I'd be down there. It was one excuse after another. "This week at work was real brutal. I'm exhausted." "I'm getting sick" "I''m sick" after the third weekend I got annoyed and didn't hit him up after that. I felt if he really was sick he would hit me up when he got better. he hit me up like two weeks later to say he was feeling better, that he took a mini vaycay to Arizona to visit family and friends and that he would be back in LA monday night. He asked me how I had been and I told him "Sexually frustrated". He laughed at me, even though I wasn't joking. HE was the one who said "Well maybe when I get back to LA I can help you out with that;)". HE said it. I didn't even ask for it. So I sent him a picture and he was talking about how he wished he was back in LA and unfortunately I wouldn't be able to see him til next weekend. Now I haven't had sex in God knows when, and I decided to go all out this weekend. I shaved EVERYTHING, did my hair, picked out a cute outfit to see him in in case we went out for drinks or something, the whole nine. Texted him when I was on my way to LA, no response. Texted him the next night to see what he was up to, no answer. DUDE WTF?!?!?! Why would you tell me you're basically going to fuck me then just ignore me?!?!?!? I would've rather you had said no and I could've gone on about my merry way instead of planning my entire weekend around you. You don't need to blow smoke up my ass. If you're being a passive aggressive little pussy, then stop. Just say hey it was a one night thing I'll chalk it up as a loss and go on about my business. Stop tryna string me along. Like don't tell me you're gonna help me with my "problem" when you clearly aren't. If I don't wanna fuck you I'll make sure you know it so there isn't a question of doubt. I hate that his head was absolutely life changing cause now I'm spoiled. That's all I really wanted from him anyways. The sex was fun but ti wasn't AMAZING. I'd rather make out with him and give each other oral.

*SIDEBAR: I think 69 is a completely pointless position if one person is good at giving head. If the head is mediocre I can focus more on giving you head, which is good for you, but then I'd rather just give you head and you enjoy it. Now if you're amazing at it, then I can't focus on blowing you and I should just save us the trouble and sit on your face. So you don't think I suck at suckling dick. I'm really good when I can focus and don't have someone raping my clit with their tongue and pulverizing my g-spot with their fingers.

He knows the value of foreplay because he is a grown ass man. Don't know his age, think he's like 24+. But I've never had anyone focus on foreplay like that. I keep trying to tell guys not to underestimate the power of foreplay. Sure you may find it boring, but this isn't about you it's about pleasing your lady. But w/e. So once again I'm going back to ignoring this cunt. Yes, CUNT. Because that's exactly what hes acting like. Ol' bitch. My problem isn't that he isn't trying to fuck me again or whatever, my problem is he won't man up and just say so. If he did at least I'd know what it was. Whatever. I'll just sit here and twiddle my thumbs while I wait to get laid.

But I'd feel real stupid if he dropped his phone in the ocean and lost all his numbers. That's still an option right?
Miss Sixxxty, your very own freak of the industryy


  1. Sidebar: Funniest shit about this entire post, and very true! 69 only works if both people actually suck at it, fuck it it only works never. Like you stated "Let me just sit on your face!" And yes thats still and option! LOL