That's a fucking understatement. Babes an gents if you recall I left you with a cliffhanger last blog (you can easily scroll down an see) that I had a threesome. I always imagined my first threesome being with a dude and another bitch, not two dudes. But it was. Lol ay yi yi worst fucking threesome ever.
If you can also recall sometime after surgery I took a lil blogging break due to some drama between me an Happenis. Basically his friend wanted to fuck me, I didn't and he oddly got mad at me using the excuse that because he's moving I would need a replacement anyways...I swear I thought this was some sort of bizarre test. Like who would really want a girl to fuck their friend? Crazy much...anyways we got into a fight and didn't speak for two weeks, and I hated his friend even more. Although the majority of those two weeks I was incapacitated and per doctors orders I couldn't have sex anyways, I was still mad cause I didn't wanna beef with him before he left. We eventually ended up making up two days before he left. And this is where the story begins.
11 months. 11 months of great sex. The end of an era!! How do you commemorate? With a threesome of course. We're both comfortable with each other, why not? The only problem was the third party aka his bitch ass friend. Ughhh...I already was giving him the side eye for indirectly causing the fight between me an Happenis but I was willing to put that shit to the side for a night to try something new.
They pick me up at my house and we go to his friend's house to do the deed. I had popped some vicos to enhance this experience and those shits betrayed me so I had to stay sober the entire night. We get to his house and we're all just staring at each other like...okaaaay.
Happenis: Dude I'm not even gonna lie I don't even know what to do from here.
The Idiot Friend: It's okay I've done this before, just follow me to the bedroom.
Me: Oh god...
We follow him to his room and I stop dead in my tracks in the doorway. His "bed" is a foam pad the size of a twin mattress. Happenis tells me he's moving and to cut him some slack. Umm...I may have never had a threesome before but I know three people can't fit on that raggedy excuse of a bed! I walk in and sit on the computer chair and just stare at the both of them. The Idiot Friend lights a candle, turns off the lights and of all things he could play he plays fucking KURUPT. The candles already made me giggle but Kurupt?! Really?! I was already annoyed. So Happenis takes it upon himself to tell me and The Idiot Friend to get better acquainted. So I sat next to The Idiot Friend and he starts touching my boob. Mind you I'm only two weeks out and can't feel shit. Hell, I still had my surgical tape on. But this could've potentially been my last time with Happenis so...I take off my shirt and lay down and The Idiot Friend starts rubbing my nips.
Me: *annoyed* I can't feel that...
The Idiot Friend: Really?
Me: I have zero feeling in my nipples right now.
The Idiot Friend: You sure? What about this
He proceeds to attempt to lick my nips
Me: Did you think I was joking when I said there's no feeling there? I can't feel shit.
Even tho I told him there was no feeling he kept doing the shit and it didn't do anything but piss me off. He stops and looks at Happenis and says "Dude tell me what she likes" and he says "I didn't get it in one shot you gotta figure it out for yourself." And in between counting cracks in the ceiling I'm thinking "You DID get it in one shot babe...". He slides off my shorts and starts fingering me. It's a combination of him mashing my clit down and fingering me with one or two fingers (I couldn't tell how many I just know it SUCKED). I kept grabbing his hand to prevent him from doing the shit and he kept heading right back for my clit so finally I just put my hand over it so he couldn't get to it. Then he shoves his fingers in my mouth expecting me to suck on them I guess. I seriously wanted to bite them off. Happenis saw I was getting annoyed so he called me over to where he was sitting. He asked me if I was alright, what pills did I take, if I was sure I wanted to do this blah blah blah. I kissed him and The Idiot Friend excused himself. As soon as he dipped Happenis threw me of his lap, got behind me and said "Lets hurry up an do this" See...THIS is what I'm used to. THIS is what I like. Take notes you idiot. Flips me on my back and puts my legs over his shoulders. I'm actually enjoying myself now. Then The Idiot Friend comes back in, I get back into doggy, he sits in front of me pulls his boxers down. All I saw was pubes and a thumb. This man. Called his PEEPEE a COCK. And I could hold tat shit with my index & middle fingers and a thumb. Sir you don't have a COCK you have a PEEPEE. After staring at his peepee like "What the fuck am I supposed to do with this shit" for about a minute I finally grab it and I start giving him a half assed blow job. Which is super difficult with Happenis tryna blow my damn back out. So I gave up on giving him head just arched my back and enjoyed the shit. Then he pulled out and they switched. The Idiot friend goes back to fingering me and I start sucking Happenis's dick like I actually enjoy the shit, and we go off his blow job/fingering thing. Happenis would fuck me, The Idiot Friend would finger me. For some reason his ass couldn't get a boner. All I had to do was walk over to Happenis and he was ready to go (sexual chemistry right there). Anyways when Happenis goes back to fucking me The Idiot Friend grabs his phone to watch some porn to help him out. Uh, Hello?! Are we not fucking like inches away from you?! Anyways...Myself and Happenis finish and he goes to take a shower and The Idiot Friend finally gets a quarter of a boner and he jumps behind me so fast
Me: Uhh...you need a condom.
The Idiot Friend: Are you serious right now?
Me: I'm dead serious.
As soon as I said that he lost whatever hope of a boner there may have been so he goes back to fingering me and trying to lick my numb boobs and I hop up and excuse myself to the bathroom. I'm standing in this man's kitchen naked not even caring if his roommates come out. I see Happenis eating some pizza and he goes "Hungry?" I tell him he's not getting a boner and I don't wanna do this shit. He's like alright, at least we tried. So I go back in the room and start getting dressed.
The Idiot Friend: What are you doing?
Me: I'm getting dressed.
The Idiot Friend: Why?
Me: Because I'm over this shit.
The Idiot Friend: Just give me a lap dance...show me what you do at work I'll be ready.
Me: No you won't. It's not gonna happen.
As soon as I got dressed I sat in the car til they came outside to drive me home.
The last words The Idiot Friend said to me?
"Thanks for the half assed bow job"
You are very welcome sir! I just could NOT with him. He tried to blame his inability to get a boner on me! Fuck you I did what I was supposed to do which was show up and get naked. Sorry you suck. The funny thing was he was talking hella shit about how his "cock" comes with a guarantee and how much I'm gonna love it and blah blah blah and he couldn't even get the rinky dink shit up. You take your peepee and your unshaven pubes thataway. I said my final goodbye to Happenis and took my ass to bed. In the morning The Idiot Friend finally admitted he had whiskey dick and he was sorry the evening didn't go as planned. Sir I don't need your fonky ass apologies because WE will not be interacting like ever again.
As sucky as it was it didn't completely turn me off to the idea of having another. Maybe with Happenis and another girl of MY choosing. Or another guy. Cause it probably could've been great if The Idiot Friend wasn't such...an idiot.
THE LEG GLIDER
The drought ended two nights ago. Surprise appearance by Happenis shit went all the way the fuck down. It was even better than I remembered:)
Miss Sixxxty, your very own freak of the industryy