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Friday, January 18, 2013

Brazilian Waxes

The reason for this blog is to share with my female readers my experiences with getting Brazilian waxes.

First Hoo-Rah
I can't remember exactly when I decided to start getting waxes but there was a spot by the mall where my friend worked and she told me that they were doing them for 30 bucks. Cheap enough for me! I walked into the nail salon and said I was here for a Brazilian and they said someone would be right with me. I was nervous as shit but figured it couldn't be TOO bad, because so many women got waxed. An older Asian lady who didn't know too much English told me to follow her to the back. The room she led me to just had a dentist type chair in there and I'm thinking "That's am I supposed to get waxed in a chair?" Due to some communication difficulties she thought I wanted an eyebrow wax. No ma'am a Brazilian. She led me to another room and omg. The fluorescent lighting was terrible and there was a table with a towel on it and her waxing station. I kidd you not it looked like that room doubled as a room to get back alley abortions in. But nonetheless I was gonna go thru with it. I started with my armpits which was bearable so I thought the Brazilian couldn't be that bad. We didn't even make it half way thru. I wasn't screaming but I would say omg really loud and be nervously laughing because I had never felt pain like that before. And that was only on the top! No way she was getting near my lips. I told her I couldn't finish and I got dressed, paid her and left. I had wax stuck to me everywhere and everything burned. But I was determined to go thru wit hit completely.

Second Go Round
I went back again, this time armed with a 600mG ibuprofen and Relax & Wax No Scream Cream. I took the meds about half an hour before my appointment and applied the cream 40 minutes before and even wore saran wrap around my cooch to increase the potency. I got there and I asked them how long for another Brazilian and they said 10 minutes. More like 40 minutes. Enough time for my cream and pills to wear off. We got a little further, I let her wax my butt cheeks but still didn't reach the lips. That shit hurt too much! I also noticed she didn't use different sticks! She kept double dipping her stick in the pot which is a HUGE red flag. When you get waxed they are always supposed to use a new stick when dipping it in the pot because it's a breeding ground for bacteria. Needless to say I wasn't going to be going back there any time soon.

Third Time's A Charm
My friends and I regularly meet up and go to happy hour together and one day we got there late so while we waited for it to start again we walked around the shopping plaza to see the new DSW. On the way I saw a salon was having a 30$ special on waxes too. It was a nicer salon so I thought, shit, why not? I walked in the next day and while they don't take walk ins she had an appt available within the hour. I stayed and while I waited I was offered refreshments. I'm liking this place already! I was greeted by this petite Mexican lady and she led me back to the room. I loved the ambiance of the salon, it was an upper scale one with soft lighting and a neutral color scheme throughout the salon. She led me back to a private room which looked like the rest of the salon, thank god. No back alley abortions here! There was soft music playing, and the table was plush. I laid down and I told her I'm still new to this, I haven't sat thru an entire Brazilian wax and that my first few experiences weren't pleasant. She apologized for my past experienced and assured me it get's easier. I laid on the table and she jumped right in. She uses both a hard wax and a soft wax. The difference is the soft wax is applied and ripped off with a resin cloth and a hard wax is applied, you wait for it to harden then you rip the entire thing off. I prefer hard wax if I had my pick. She was so fast and efficient, I didn't have to stop her once. Before I knew it she was telling me to lay on my side to get my butt. It was a little awkward having to hold my butt cheeks open for her so she could wax under my cheeks and down my crack. And having hot wax on your butt hole is a weird feeling. And I think I'm a bit of a freak and not like a sex freak but a weirdo freak cause I kinda liked having hot wax on my lips. Judge me.  She was so fast, we finished in 20 minutes! She applied this shimmery lotion to my cooch which was a nice touch and bam we're done! I made sure to tip her to show my gratitude, and I even told her she had the hands of an angel lol. She makes my waxing experience so pleasant. I refer her to all my friends. Now the wax is normally 50, but if that means I don't have to feel like my skin is being ripped off and risk a bacterial infection I have no qualms about paying an extra 20 bucks.

So the bottom line for waxes is this (at least with my lady):
-it DOES hurt less when you go frequently. After that first wax after shaving your hair grows back thinner to there isn't as much pull.
-the most painful spot for me at first was right at the top where the two lips meet; now it's that last little strip of hair right before you get to the fleshy bits.
-getting around your butt waxed feels like having a band-aid ripped off.
-take some advil or tylenol before you go to lessen the sting
-exfoliate in the shower every day for at least a week.
-I use tend skin on my lady bits, but keep in mind if you use it right after a wax that shit feels like you dumped a gallon of rubbing alcohol on your vag. But it does help with ingrowns (as does exfoliating)
-it hurts I'm not gonna lie, but it's not unbearable. I think getting my tongue pierced hurt more anyway.

My next appointment wasn't until next Thursday but El Capitan finally grew a pair of balls and invited me over on Saturday and It was either I shave tonight and postpone my wax, or call in the morning and pray for the best. Thankfully she had an opening today so I'm waxed and ready, and before I go I'm going to vajazzle myself lol just for shits and giggs. And of course I will be blogging about it. I pray it's everything I dream of and more, but not so much because I don't wanna get hooked. I pray he has a big dick and that he knows how to move his ass. Because when you have so much sexual tension between someone and you finally get to fuck them and they suck it's a HUGE letdown:/

Welp, here goes nothin'.
Miss Sixxxty, your very own freak of the industryy

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